You are absolutely 100% right. Now to work on the guilt I feel when I am trying to be free, trying to "do me". I always feel like there's some Mommy or wife duty I should be doing.
Perhaps it'll be a lil' easier now that the weather's getting warmer. I can be out & about w/ my girls and not confined to the house.
I have such a hard time putting me first, b/c I don't want the label of bad mom, bad wife, uncaring woman. B/c I'm not.
I'm starting slowly. Manicures, pedicures, doing my hair, buying sexy decent clothing. Now I need some heels LOL...im doing things that make me feel beautiful and sexy and confident. FOR ME. I put that stuff off for way too long.
Now I just need to get my butt out of the house!
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
Hey Girl You're doing great in my opinion. And you're right, we're in the middle of all of this together. I think your H is on his way back if not there completely. I agree with AJ that he's waiting and watching to see if/when you go back to "your old ways." It might take a while for the changes to be complete and to prove to him and really you too, that you are the new and improved you. I think that if you like the new you, you're going to be fine and the changes are going to stay put because they make YOU happy. Don't worry about his brother any more. My suggestion: Be sympathetic to his brother with things like "I hope they work it out. They are such a great couple. I hope it's just a bump." And make no mention of your bumps. I think if you attack someone he loves, it's going to make him recoil. If you put it to him that his brother really is a good guy just in a bad spot where he may have made some bad choices, it will make him feel better and create a better relationship between you all. That's always always the better road to take. You are doing great. Just write out your plan. I've started the Solution Journal so I can track progress and backslides too.
You're right, and I also feel he's taking notes on my new self. I think he likes the confidence that's creeping through. He's not completely back though, maybe not even a 1/4 of the way yet. He's testing both of us out, I feel. He's testing me out, letting me know we have a fighting chance if things continue as good as they have for the past couple of months. He's also guarding his heart at the same time b/c he's sure I'm going to backslide and let us both down.
In the past when I had gone back to my old ways, in my mind my M was secure, I took it for granted, and figured he'd never leave me, and then I would slip back to my old ways. I now know he's serious, and if I don't improve the things I need to improve then he really is going to leave.
I read SmartCookie's post about the pain she had, and how she was menatlly giving her H other tries, and trying to remain in her M... Everything she said in her post is everything he has said to me in one way or another, but I would make it nearly impossible for him. No one deserves to be in pain in a M.
I don't worry about his brother, it just made me feel a lil' insecure when they're alone, in another country, running around. When the cat was let out of the bag last wk about his brother's affair, my H was caught off guard too, he really had no idea, until the SIL opened her mouth. His brother really didn't share that info with him, but we both agreed, it's their business and we really don't care to be involved.
Anyway, he never did call back last night, but I didn't expect him to, the old me would have been worried when he didn't call back, I would have been angry that he didn't call. But I went to sleep, I figured he had a good night, probably was a lil' buzzed, and went home to go to bed, he doesn't have to check in with me, although it would have been nice to let me know he got back safely, since like I said it's a dangerous part of town. But I'm sure it's another "Old me vs New me" test. "Will she call to herrass me for not calling her, will she call to say she was woried, will she call and accuse me of being with another woman and that's why I couldn't call her".....
Well the "new me" won. I did not call. I went nighty night, after talking to AJM till like midnight LOL.
Did you start a Solution Journal on here?
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
I do not. I got it from DR. The format anyways and then I just used a word doc to create it and printed it out and keep a written journal. But I think you are worried it would be found in your house. I keep mine in my brief case which I leave in the car when I'm at home with H or I keep it very close to me. I don' think he's ever noticed how protective I am of the brief case. Also, I have it on a clip board with other "who cares" stuff on top of it. I think recipes from online or a flyer from S's daycare. do you have a facebook page? didn't we talk about that before? I killed mine because of the drama.
Yes I do have a FB, I just started one a few wks ago. I killed my MS page over a yr ago when we began having problems LOL. I told him about the FB page a few days after I set it up b/c I didn't want any new drama or "secrets" on my behalf.
You know something, remember I had mentioned a secret email acct my H had. Well back in Feb when we had the dumb R talk, I had asked him if he is emailing or TM another girl behind my back, of course he denied it, but I also never told him why I'm asking. I then explained to him that I was just chkng b/c I know sometimes when you're in a fould mood a woman will feed off o that and say hey, what's up, is something wrong and then she might say here's my email/phone #, if you need to talk or vent feel free to contact me. I told him that's how A start and if he wouldn't feel comfortable with me having contact like that with another man I'd appreciate the same respect from him. He said he agreed, and that he doesn't speak to any other women about us or about anything.
Here's the funny part, he HAS NOT signed into that email acct since that day. So I'm wondering was there a lil B***h trying to swoop in and I caught it in time, or if the acct meant nothing, which is a HUGE coincendense that he hasn't signed in since the day of that talk.
I don't think he'd have a PA while we are still M, but EA are just as disrespectful and damaging, if not more due to the bond.
I will be keeping a close eye when he gets back home. After that talk was also the time he began to treat me different, better, so maybe he was building a wall due to a lil' birdy in his ear. And since I explained to him how EA's begin, perhaps he cut off contact and is letting me in lil' by lil'.
Of course I have absolutely no proof of this, and I may just be living in my damn head again. But he has not used that email accnt since that day.
I guess we'll see.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
That is very odd. Maybe you did stop it.....but it could be just a shot in the dark too. I like AJ. He's been helpful. The big brother if you will. I like his joke about firemen and the world on fire with marshmellows. http://tinyurl.com/cvoay8 Funny but not so funny if the earth is really on fire. How are the girls doing with Dad out of the country?
They are OK, they hate when he leaves. They make a new poster every night. And the 6 yr old is doing her daily countdown. This morning at 7 AM she asked me how many days are left? 4? Ok, LOL They love speaking to him nightly, this is the 1st trip he's on that they speak to him, they'd always say it hurt them too much to hear his voice. I know it makes him happy that they talk to him everyday this time around. Shows him how much he matters. (Remember the MC said he feels unappreciated)
How's your lil one doing?
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
He's good. He's getting bigger every day and it's the most amazing thing to watch. We're going to go on a weekend trip away to an amusement park for his birthday this month. That should be fun. H is excited about the trip. Then the weekend after that H wants to go gamble. We have so much money we just throw it around. (That would be sarcasm.) Did you check out the joke?
He's good. He's getting bigger every day and it's the most amazing thing to watch. We're going to go on a weekend trip away to an amusement park for his birthday this month. That should be fun. H is excited about the trip. Then the weekend after that H wants to go gamble. We have so much money we just throw it around. (That would be sarcasm.) Did you check out the joke?
He's good. He's getting bigger every day and it's the most amazing thing to watch. We're going to go on a weekend trip away to an amusement park for his birthday this month. That should be fun. H is excited about the trip. Then the weekend after that H wants to go gamble. We have so much money we just throw it around. (That would be sarcasm.) Did you check out the joke?
