Just remember if you end it your ex will carry on like nothing happened. You'd be letting her have power over you, the best way to show her what she lost is to be the best version of herself and have her live with the regret of losing the one that got away. It's hard at this moment for you but you will overcome this, do any sort of strenuous physical activity, it will do wonders for your mind and body, it will give you confidence, make you physically stronger, help you sleep. The road can be long and arduous but the journey makes us all stronger when we've arrived where we want to be. Get a therapist asap if you haven't already. There is nothing wrong with you, your ex chose a bad path but you are a good person. I've been in the same place as you, I've called crisis centre 2-3 times, ended up in rehab after passing out in emergency from alcohol withdrawal with superficial high blood pressure, I've stood at the train tracks thinking about it, it's not worth it. It will get better, I promise you Find a good friend and talk about things, do things you've always wanted to try. I too am in the same boat, no children and have to restart my life from scratch. If you are religious say or write down a prayer, if you have trouble sleeping take melatonin, it has worked wonders for me, it helps calm anxiety and calms down your heart, whatever you do don't drink your pain away it makes things worse.
