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MLCers can display many different types of disorders: narcissistic personality, borderline personality disorder, etc. However, if the "symptoms" are only showing up during the crisis, that does not mean that they are permanent. MLC is all about emotions, traumas and the biggest player in all of this is depression. They are out there seeking something/anything that will make them feel better. They do not realize that happiness comes from within and not from outside things. They will continue to try different things just to have a few moments of peace. MLC could come from emotional, mental and physical abuse. Abandonment is another factor in MLC. If their home life was not stable or they were not recognized for their accomplishments, even if they were small accomplishments, this can set them up for a crisis. Siblings getting more attention and being treated better can also fester for many years. All of this stuff is stuffed down from childhood until one day something triggers the questions of is this what I want to do with the rest of my life question. They begin to question their lives and think that there is something better out there, i.e., the grass is greener on the other side.
We all go through transitions, i.e., ages, 13 early 20's, 30's, 40's, etc. If they are not able to navigate those transitions, then they will have to revisit them and their childhood at a later date. The some of the triggers that can set a full blown crisis into motion are: illness of a parent or a serious illness/injury of the MLCer, illness of a friend, death of a close relative or friend, change in jobs, promotions, demotions, loss of jobs, having children, children growing up, divorce. Once the crisis is set in motion, it is best to allow it to run the complete course. If the MLCer is interrupted and snapped back to reality, they will experience the crisis again at a later time and it will be far worse than what is happening presently.
I studied MLC for many years, I spoke to many who had gone before me who had to deal with MLC, and I read every article and book I could find to better understand what they go through and how to deal with the behavior. There is absolutely nothing we can do to speed up the process, they move at a snail's pace. It took years for the crisis to become full blown and it will take time for them to return to reality.
People are looking for answers and how to fix the issues. We are all fixers, however, we can't fix this for them. We didn't break them, therefore we can't fix them. They are the only ones that can do that. This is the time to work on yourself. If there are things that you know you need to improve on, now is the time to work on them. A word of caution, if you are going to make some changes, the changes need to become permanent and not just to get your spouses back. They will test you to see if those changes are permanent or just a ploy to get their attention.
Keep the focus on you and your family. Listen closely to what your MLCer says. They are good at talking and if you listen closely...you may hear some things that will tell you what they are feeling. Please try not to take what they say personally, sometimes it is projection of what they are feeling, but most often it is what they have done or are planning to do.
If you have not visited the MLC Forum, I would suggest you do. There is a lot of valuable information there about MLC. Here is a link about MLC and Depression that might be helpful to you.
