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You are so right! I, too, am not without fault in the marriage. I think my trouble was partially that I would not admit that or ever admit being wrong. I was always right and darn proud of it!
Just like you, there were other times when I thought my H might have cheated but I sure talked myself out of that way of thinking and of course he denied it. Thinking back - it is possible he cheated all through our M but was clever enough to keep it hidden. I could not let that happen, better not to know.
I also travelled too much. Too much time away from him. Maybe that works fine in some situations but my ex was needy and I think he needed me to be home more. I think I was running away. From a less than perfect homelife. Unlike you - my ex and I DID fight. Often. And fairly nasty. We never really learned effective ways to communicate.
Part of it comes from marrying your first BF, I think. And marrying young. It doesn't really prepare you for the future very well.
And we were saddled with a HUGE burden at a young age. Losing the child we knew to a horrible illness and instead, bringing home a disabled child from hospital, not the son we knew, but a much different version of him. Hard for anyone to comprehend. But he was ours and we loved him but life as we knew it changed forever. For there were years in hospitals and years in court rooms (malpractice suit). It takes its toll on your R, because you don't always agree on how to handle things
But I always put my children first. I would NEVER have cheated on him. I take responsibility for my part in our divorce. And yes - I told him so. And I apologized. But it was too late anyway. And now I wouldn't change a thing.
