i just wanted to say thanks to all the new friends i've made for putting up with my impatience and giving me the strength to find the patience within myself to deal with my sitch. there really is a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. But it could be closed off just as quickly if i press things.
im sure i will have many more moments of impatience in this.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
Stay proud, buddy. You are doing a great job! Seriously. I wouldn't say that if I didn't think it were true. You keep saying you're impatient, but believe me, you are much more patient than I have been. I blew it, with my impatience.
found a video on my phone that my W made with D2 in October. oh, how things have changed in 9 months.....:-( kinda made me sad. I miss her. Miss the family thing. I was good until i saw that.....
suzanne- trust me, i am not patient. It's only within the last 7 weeks that i've developed this apparant patience LOL.....the first 3 and 1/2 months were horrible for me....made the sitch a helluva lot worse than it needed to be.....
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
W just said goodnite to 2d's. we chatted a bit....i asked her opinion on taking them to county fair....she said IDK....don't want them to expect something every time...like expect to be entertained....then i said something about them going to see the animals...and she seemed to open up to the idea more. She said we'll think about it some more...
here's my question......she doesn't want them to expect something every time.........WTF does that mean? good or bad?
i think i'm over analyzing...but...does that imply there are more things in the future for us to do together with the girls?
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
She doesn't want the kids to expect grand entertainment everytime you're together.
That's it I think.
Relax.
So, did you have a good interaction while she was there?
At one point in my sitch I had thought about getting a little glass vase and putting one of those decorative pebbles in it everytime we had a good interaction of some kind. The plan was to do something special with the vase when it was filled.
Maybe you should think of something tangible to show yourself the kind of progress being made.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
everyone has there place where they think...mine happens to be in the shower....
i decided to do some R evaluation.....
here's what i came up with...9 days ago Mrs Smartcookie asked me to rate my R with my W. At the time I said a 1. A couple of days prior to that, I set some goals for myself...here they are:
I want to make my wife Smile I want her to feel comfortable talking to me about things other than our sitch I want to be able to spend QT wit hher and the kids I want to give her "words of affirmation" I want to be creative in trying to speak her LL.
I have met everyone one of these goals...altho the last one is more difficult...
Since that point...we have: increased our dialogue.........95% of the time its positive Sent each other pix messages of the kids... i sent her a video message today of the kids saying hi to her Taken the kids for haircuts (initiated by her) Played with the kids by the pool and gone out to dinner as a "family" (again, initiated by her) Set a date for another family outing to kiddie park Tentatively scheduled more family time this week at county fair shes' talked to me about work she's asked about my family/talked about hers she's vented to me about ppl who talk about our sitch behind our backs
How would i rate us now? 2.5 (perhaps others would think its higher, but i have this self doubt thing working against me LOL) What would it take to bring it up another 1/2 point? More time together with kids pix messages. maybe her own video of the kids Talk longer on the phone....or have our own convo separate from saying goodnite to the kids (that would take us up a full point...LOL)
Here are my new goals... I want to continue to make my W smile when she's around me I want to continue to increase her confidence and comfortableness in talking to me I want to continue to find innovative ways to speak her LL (again, more difficult...could use some ideas here.....she likes gifts) I want to continue to give her words of affirmation I want to increase the amount of QT I spend with her and the girls together I want to be "myself" when i am around her...and not walk on eggshells worrying about saying something wrong I want to continue to work on myself, esp. at expressing my emotions (not necessairly to her...yet) I want to work on having patience This is a bit of a long term goal......... but I want to spend QT with JUST HER (not neccessarily a 'date' per se) by the end of August.
I probably will need to add more, but i like those. they are working for me
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
I LOVE your goals list! I am thinking that maybe I need to revisit my sitch and try to do the same--give me something tangible to work with SG said we would work on that during KLA< so that will be good.
I think things are going well and she is seeing a more open side of you, that is very good. Keep it up!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
((Neil)), just checking on you. A 1 to a 2.5 in 9 days. Cool !! How many days to a 3.....? Keep tracking it, you're doing great. Noticing the positives is a really good thing.
Bills right, you are overanalyzing, & she just doesn't want the kids to "expect" something big each time.
I've seen a few of the dads here turn into the "party" dad when they have the kids. Almost like competing with the wife for the kids affection. It's not a good pattern. Kids want you. Undivided attention with you. That's all.
When your kids walk into the room do your eyes light up ???? Practice in the mirror, until you can make your eyes light up. Then do it each time your kids walk in. Watch their reaction.
Hugs.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Your list of goals are good! Seeing yours helped clarify some of the questions that I have about what goals should look like.
I'm really glad that things are progressing nicely for you! This is such a long road. I know mine is just beginning but I hope one day I will be where you are at.
Keep working! An unexamined life is not worth living!
B
My Story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1512790&page=1#Post1512790
I've seen a few of the dads here turn into the "party" dad when they have the kids.
i'm definitly not trying to do that.....the big things we do together most days is go to the playground and color...LOL...we also play silly stuff. I don't want to be just the "fun" dad..and I definitly don' want to compete with my W
Originally Posted By: smartcookie
When your kids walk into the room do your eyes light up ???? Practice in the mirror, until you can make your eyes light up. Then do it each time your kids walk in. Watch their reaction.
oh yes. I don't even have to practice this...
i've always prided myself on being a good dad....admittedly lost sight of that for a bit during the early parts of this sitch, but i really that part of my life now......
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
