Newly divorced-Dealing with Anger

[dumped3]

Hello DBers, I am newly divorced as of two weeks ago.

Here is my original thread in the Newcomers forum: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2757840&page=1

My reason for posting over here is that I find myself very angry over several aspects of the divorce and I am looking for ways to deal with my Anger. I am not comfortable being an angry person.

In a nutshell, my marriage of 20 years ended when my wife left me for a married man that had been her boyfriend 26 years earlier.

My wife seemed to be resentful of my retirement at age 53 and my various bouts with Cancer. My wife was a "chaos kid" having had a rough childhood and unresolved issues. I believe that she is having a MLC at age 50.

I "dropped the rope" very early after discovery of her EA/PA as the pain of her active affair was extreme. I found by dropping the rope and filing for divorce, I could better cope with my pain and anger and I don't regret doing that. During the separation/divorce my Ex never showed any interest in me and was never contrite or remorseful. Her affair with the married man only lasted a few months as he went back to his wife and children.

She had an "entitled" mentality during the divorce and she is walking away with considerable assets acquired during twenty years. While she knows nothing of the Law, she represented herself and the legal system bent over backwards to ensure that her rights were protected. Her lack of representation caused me extreme legal costs as my Lawyer at to spend time explaining things to her and working against her various notions and emotions. At the last stages of our divorce, we made several agreements which she later reneged on. These changes always worked out in her favor and she was rewarded for manipulating the system and running up my legal costs. I became to recognize her as a narcissist. She played the system and it rewarded her.

Since our separation, she has paid me for half of our 19 year old son's medical and car insurance. This amounts to $195 per month.

She has refused to pay anything for his day to day living expenses, groceries, haircuts etc.

In my view, that makes her a deadbeat parent as she has the means to support him. Our son lives with me fulltime. I financially support him although it is a struggle.

I am in the process of taking out a significant mortgage so that I can give her a significant amount of money in a few weeks as her negotiated buy out of our house. This is a house that I owned for ten years before the marriage.

There are many costs associated with obtaining a new loan, including a $900 recording/transfer tax to put the home in my name only and a $450 Escrow fee to give her a lump sum payment of $150,000. I have asked her to share in these costs and she has refused.

My Ex has a good income as a Director for a Private School. She spends her money on season tickets for Baseball/Football etc.

For the last year and a half, I have dealt with my anger over being betrayed and at age 59 losing my considerable retirement savings. I am completely over her and feel nothing but contempt for the person she has become.

I'm struggling to deal with my feelings of anger. I am angry at how she manipulated the system and even changed her mind after making agreements in court. I am angry that I am encountering huge fees in order to get a loan and give her $150,000. This seems terribly unfair that the financial burden falls on me. I asked my Lawyer about this and he said you can ask her to pay but she can refuse. And refuse she has done.

I welcome any tips on how to deal with my Anger. I want to lash out at her and express my anger, something that I have never done.

I wish that I could go to Therapy which I did earlier in our separation but I just can't afford it right now. I hate feeling this way. This betrayal and divorce has been like "death by 1000 cuts"

Thank you,

Dumped3.