It's been awhile since I posted on the board. I don't know many people here anymore, but I thought I would offer an update on my particular situation.
I first posted under another name here in 2005. Believe it or not, Yellowrose's sitch and mine were almost identical for a long time. My H followed the steps of her H so closely that I could almost predict what my H would do based on the actions of her H, lol!!
I sure wish that my H had continued on the same path as YR's H .. but, alas, he veered off onto a crazy detour that he's still trying to make his way back from.
My marriage didn't make it because I could no longer tolerate the situation, but my XH continues to contact me regularly.
The "fatal attraction" OW is still in the picture but the bloom faded from the rose a loooong time ago. H earnestly tried many times to get rid of her (even had her physically evicted by police) but she kept showing back up like a bad penney.
This was easier for me to understand once I learned that the OW lived a "Deliverance" type life in Yodelville USA (pop. 113) . She grasped at her chance to escape her circumstances. Even the verbal (and physical, I'm sorry to say) abuse that she experienced with my H did not compare to what she left.
But she also gave as good as she got .. my H was arrested on a felony domestic abuse charge. She had him arrested when he tried to stop her relentless pursuit so that we could reconcile. She slapped him, he pushed her, and she called the police. It was a felony because there was a child present when this fiasco happened.
I don't know if blackmail took place (or what) but she moved in with him shortly after and she dropped the charges.
Originally, I think my H saw himself as the knight in armor who was going to "save" the damsel from her dismal existence. He thought it was love, lol! He felt needed, important, and obviously enjoyed the attentions of a woman 26 years his junior! Little did he know what he was geting himself into!
Once he started coming out of the fog, he realized that she planned to be a permanant fixture in his life. My H started asking for my help to "get rid" of OW. I told him no, that he got himself into this mess and he would have to deal with it himself.
My H's way of "dealing" with it was to take a job 1,000 miles away from home. OW still lives at the house, but he's rarely there.
H used to call when he was drunk and admit that he wanted to return to what he ran away from (me and the kids). I think we could have reconciled if OW had not been in the picture. As long as she is there, however, we will have nothing more than a telephone relationship. H knows this.
Since our D, H has quit drinking. He's sold all of the expensive new toys. He's paid his enormous credit card debt down. (I know these things for a fact, but I can't reveal how I know them, lol!)
He's always sober when he calls now. He never loses his temper anymore (a huge problem once). He doesn't tell me he loves me anymore, but he's quick to admit that he's unhappy.
I'm glad he doesn't say he loves me because he said it too many times while we were apart. It was painful to hear those words when he was living with another woman.
He has to pay me spousal support every month, but he doesn't complain about it. I also got the boat in the D (which OW desperately wanted to keep), so I'm sure these things are eating at her. She has had to go to work (boo hoo) because my H can no longer support her in the fashion to which she planned to become accustomed.
I'm sure she resents me with a passion, but hey! that's what happens when you deliberating become involved with a married person .. especially a married person in MLC! Their wonderful life together has not turned out like they originally planned.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring for H and me. I am comfortable with this new relationship we have found. We talk and laugh on the phone, and I enjoy his calls. In the meantime, I'm doing good and I hope this novel-length update can offer some hope and assurance to some of you who are going through bad times. Even after a D, it's not always over.
Hang in there. This forum is a good place to be while you're waiting it out.
I am so glad you have updated! I have missed you. I hope you stick around here and offer some of your wisdom to others.
It sounds like your H has really made some changes in behavior! You sound terrific. No one knows what the future will bring at least there is good communication between the two of you now.
Hey twin, it's good to be back. I don't know about the wisdom, though. This journey takes a lot of cool patience, which YOU learned early on. Remember how hot-headed I was? It worked against me.
OTOH, I guess I can post by example on how NOT to behave as a MLC LBS!!
I did finally get it, though.
Anyway, the last time we talked, I told you that H was still drinking heavily and couldn't hold a job. I don't know what turned him around, but I'm thankful that he did.
The rages stopped about the time of the divorce. Then the anger finally went away. Since last September, the longest he has gone without calling me is two weeks. Usually it is every 2-3 days.
I am hopeful, YR, that things continue to improve with H and me. You always had faith that he would come out of this.
Why don't you load up everybody on the Wasbusta and come visit me? We could hook up the boat and detour by OW's new place of employment on the way to the lake!
. She grasped at her chance to escape her circumstances. Even the verbal (and physical, I'm sorry to say) abuse that she experienced with my H did not compare to what she left. 
