Just in case your wondering, I'm still working my way out of this rut of mine, trying to make some sense of what is going on, and looking forward to a day when I no longer have to worry about going to court, ever again.
Another year has gone by, it will be 8 years now when Dick took off and became this man he still is today. It's nearly 6 years post divorce, 7 1/2 since the original paperwork was filed. For all I know he's always been this way, and it had been me with my rose colored glass and deep, self denial that lead me to believe he was once a person I could share my life with.
The last time I was here, I believe I had just lost my job because I wasn't keeping up The last time I was here, I believe I had just lost my job because I wasn't keeping up with work. Oh, yes, and that was because the rhuematoid arthritis was kicking my butt, my ankle became so swollen, that when I finally went to the doctor, she found I had a staph infection in the ankle. It took six weeks for that to clear up, six weeks out of work, two months of not being able to pay my bills.
My daughter had made plans to come in for a visit for Christmas. Dick and Jane were going to Cabo for Christmas and were leaving D to spend the time by herself... so she decided she was coming here instead of spending the time alone.
Well, Jane couldn't get her passport, so Dick decided to join D here in KS, but before he arrived, he made sure D couldn't spend her time with me. Yes, back in court, just days before Christmas only to hear he was given Christmas day and I the day after for a miserable 4 hours. I haven't seen my daughter all summer, except for the one day she came back in July, for a court hearing, and that day I saw her for almost 2 hours. I didn't get to see her because Dick took everyone for breakfast, and no, he didn't stay local, he took them to Wichita for breakfast and shopping during the time I was to have my visit.
Now, D was unaware of the visiting hours, for she told the Judge she wanted to stay with me. She left with her brother, right after speaking to the Judge. The Judge didn't even listen to anything my attorneys said, and only what Dick's attorney said. Typical, for this is the way it's been for years, no matter who I've had as an attorney.
My Son now lives in an apartment in a nearby town. He's 18, but still in High School. Dick told him if he would stay in an apartment, he (dick) will send him $600/month in order for him to do so. What 18 year old boy doesn't want his own place, no, I can't blame him (s) for he decided to do. S has to work 35 hours a week to make the rest of the money he needs in order to live in this apartment, mainly because his girlfriend moved in after Dick left for California. She's 17, had a job, but isn't much of a worker, so she finds reasons not to go to work, and lately she's been saying she's been fainting, and hasn't been to work for a month. This leaves my son terribly stressed not only supporting himself but her too.
Dick did give S a car, however, he (dick) holds the title (California tag) while S drives the car here. Dick told S to get insurance on the vehicle, and it's 200/month, however, S can't insure the car until it's titled and tagged in KS, which he can't do without the title. Yup, one of Dick's infamous ways driving a soul crazy by an impossible situation. Dick told S is he gets stopped or ticketed, the car goes back to California.
Eventually the stress will consume S. I see it growing everyday. S doesn't sleep at night, is exhausted from work and school, all the driving, and worry about staying afloat and not get stopped for an illegal tag and no insurance. My poor boy is loosing weight, not eating because all too often he's too tired to care.
As for me, I did get another job, however, it took a month to see the first paycheck. It's been a slow process, but I've caught up on my bills and rent, and am sitting with my old computer which I could finally afford to get fixed. Dick now collects childsupport from my paycheck, even though I've been sending money to both kids all along. He nabbed my refunds from the state and feds, even though one I've paid the support, but two, even if I hadn't of paid, I wouldn't have owed him as much as he stole. I've got another court date in two weeks.... he's going for more support.
I'm glad it's spring... it's been a long winter, a cold one too. I hope there will be more work out there with the warmer weather coming in. I need to get another job in order to cover my bills and living expenses, for you know Dick will get what he wants, as I'm sure my support will triple or better as this next date.
Well, that's about all... Until D turns 18 which is next January, I don't have a chance in he!! of having my rights back.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
I've been wondering what had happened to you. I had sent you an email around Christmas and never heard from you. What a totally f...ing mess!
Turning 18 isn't that far away for either child, but what a time all of you have had. I am so sorry about all of this.
Please, please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am so sorry you have had to go thru all this......you have been in this for such a long time......I wish I knew something I could do for you, but all I can do is pray......maybe soon it will all be over with.....take care
I don't even know what to say anymore...it all leaves me speechless. I just wish I could come there with a big can of whoop ___, and clear some of this up once and for all.
Just wanted to say hi, and that I'll hold you and your kids in my thoughts and prayers.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Thank you so much for replying. It feels good to have people listen, to care, and empathize once again.
Snodderly, it was my computer, it started with my keyboard, simply one letter at a time, and then, whoosh, no more. Actually, the laptop was D's, until her father purchased her a new laptop. It took a few months to raise enough money to have it repaired, and not only did I repair the old laptop, but I also had my desk top worked on and it too now works! Finally an outlet for my thoughts (so I no longer have to carry them around with me) and a form of entertainment back into my life. I'm working on getting a TV, have been for years, however, it doesn't seem to fail, once I have enough money, something else pops up (usually court) and the monies I save, go elsewhere. Nothing unusual, happens to everybody.
Creed, you are amazing! Yes, by all means, bring on your can of whoop --- and help me exonerate my name, who I am, and all I stand for, the REAL person I am, and not who Dick has portrayed me in the courts. I don't care to go after him... Karma will take of that in it's own sweet time... all I want, is to blow holes in all of his lies, so I can simply be me again, the good, the bad, the whole of me.
I choose to live as though the court's view of me doesn't affect me, or my life. I do, where my work life is concerned. It's in my private life, where my children belong, that's where it hurts the most. Not having them with me, day to day, has destroyed the biggest part of me. Oh sure, I knew they would have left for college eventually, as I know I would have felt the empty nest syndrome, they are close to the ages they would have left.... but somehow, this just doesn't give me the comfort or completeness I yearn to feel, as I did when they were with me. They are the biggest part of me.
I would like to expose the truth, and clear my name, just so they don't ever have to question themselves, and wonder who I really am or wonder if our past relationship was what they thought or remember it to be.
Right now, it just seems impossible.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
How are you? My life really is moving in a positive direction, although it's just so darn slow. Sure, I'm struggling, but that's what life is all about... well, at least mine is.
I guess I need to choose ONE direction and take the steps I need. It just seems whenever I do, another boot drops, and I feel trapped or forced to start all over. I need to keep facing forward regardless, instead of looking back and trying to learn from my mistakes. Unfortunately, when I do so, I begin to focus on the mistakes in my life, instead of what I've learned. I do feel at times, there is something I missed, that will give me what it is I'm looking for...
Sounds a bit crazy, doesn't it?
I guess I feel at one point I had the world in my hand, and somewhere I dropped it. Oh, it's been a while, a long while since I've had the feeling of owning my life and the world that surrounds me... I do recognize I have the gift of survival, but I'm done with just surviving, and I want to begin to live my life, my way, and begin to enjoy myself and living again.
The people at work are trying to build my confidence, get me to relax a bit, to feel more comfortable with what I'm capable of or who I am. I guess I haven't had the time or desire to sit and remember who I am or what I'm capable of. At one point I did have a few talents, could do whatever I set my mind to... but those days seem so far off.
The key is within me.... as it is I who will have to unlock the chains that bind me.
You might be amused to hear the new stuff Dick is now saying about me, then again, you may not be surprised. Anyway, he's now spouting off that I've always been the type that has asked for help, in fact (his story) he says I was begging for help when he met me.
The facts: I had lived in AZ years before he met me, was living in the second house I had purchased, when he arrived. It was a year or so later, when it was he who was being evicted from his apartment and need a place to go. I offered him one of my bedrooms until he could get himself back on his feet.
The other choice story he has chosen to tell: I'm a drunk. Oh sure, I might, and that's might, have a glass a wine with a holiday dinner, or possibly a shot of Irish Cream in an evening coffee (not since I've been working nights for the past 3 or 4 years) but he told the Judge, the Attorneys and the school Principal that someone needs to keep an eye on me, because of the way I've been drinking lately.
I'm not the one with the history of multiple DUIs.... He is. I really can't say I don't drink, because I will have a drink every few years.
Now, I haven't said a word to him, no emails, haven't fought him, nor did he even catch a glimps of me the last time in court, for I went up the back stairs, made my appearance and left, before he even hit the court stairs. Haven't even mentioned him to the kids, nor talked about him to anyone, although I've heard the things he has said, without even responding to the comments other's have made.
Why must he continue destroying me? Why can't he just leave me alone? What must I do to get it all to stop?
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
You know the "N" personality cannot ever let the victim go. If they cannot have you to control, no one will. You stood up to him and w/that personality you cannot ever get away from him because of your children. The more you defend yourself, the more he gets off on it. You are wise not to mention it to anyone for he wants to get a reaction out of you.
I just shake my head at what he's doing...too bad you do not have the resources to take him to court for defamation of character. The projections are all about himself and yet, just how does he know what you are or are not doing? He's in another state. I honestly do not know what type of judicial system you have out there, but they belong in the Land of Oz for believing him. I still think he's paying them under the table.
How are you doing? I mean really doing? I don't know about you, but I'm very much ready for spring. It's been a tough few months with the weather for all of us.
Please take care of yourself....
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
