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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2224637#Post2224637

Time for a new thread.

Well things have gotten worse if you ask me. W is now even colder trying to not be around me especially during the mornings. But there are times when she is doing things while we are in the same space. Dinners have become super silent. Yes I have tried to make convo but she barely answers. Guess she is putting 100% in keeping that wall up.I even think she barely speaks to my D. But I dunno or if it is only when I am around.

Still no court date and nothing going on with the house. No cleaning no talking about who is getting what. Pretty sick times. W keeps the house pretty dark. I read that some WAS do that and it is normal?

Still have up and downs emotionally but getting better. Weekends I make sure I have fun. That has been great. This crapp usually hits me when at work. Not sure why. Guess I will continue with the LRT. Last year around this time we were planning on going to Disney, havings tons of BBQ at our place and just having fun?


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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W and I don't even say hi or bye to each other anymore. I think it is really over . Was thinking that a part of me wants this to be over. Yeah I said mean things but so has she. Not really sure what I was trying to save all this time. I think what concerned me the most was my D and her stability. I know how destructive it is to move around alot. So I don't want that for her. The other thing that I hate losing is my house, dogs, and neighbors. They really like me. Go figure? I think I stop feeling sorry for myself and learned how dependent I was on W. She was my financial cushion. All in my head. I thought that I could always depend on her not sure how that happened? Always took care of me and others. I think that she may have told me that I could never make it or was failing at it. But that is so far from the truth.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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"W and I don't even say hi or bye to each other anymore."

This is something you can control. Just because she doesn't, it doesn't mean that you can't.

"Yeah I said mean things but so has she."

Grade school thinking.

"She was my financial cushion. All in my head. I thought that I could always depend on her not sure how that happened?"

You didn't become the man that she wanted. She wanted someone to take care of her and not the other way around.

"Always took care of me and others. I think that she may have told me that I could never make it or was failing at it."

You're contradicting yourself. You say that you saw her as a financial cushion and that's why she saw you as 'weak'. This is what you need to remedy.

"But that is so far from the truth."

Then prove it to her.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Rick,

I am a newbie and lord knows that I have a ton of problems. At first my W was like this to me and I decided that I was not going to act like this. Started making her coffee and always make sure to say good morning and have a smile on my face.

Mornings are now so much better since I have been doing this, it is when we talk the most and have fun with the kids.

W was distant when she came home from work, I started saying good afternoong and helping with dinner chores etc. She is not so distant now.

Of course, she could still file or move out. I decided that I was not going to act like she was and things are getting better. We have talked more in the last week or so than we have in the last few years. Just my two cents.


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S:12
D:8
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Rick,
Thanks for the new thread. I know how you feel when you talk about having to move, lose your house, proximity to friends etc. You can really build up a resentment about it, because you feel like your hand has been forced and you had no choice in the matter.

I like what Sad in WI had to say, might be worth a try, couldnt hurt.


m 54
XW 48
m 12
t 14
bomb 6-11
s 10-11
wife moved to other state 10-21-11
d 9-12

O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
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Rick, I agree with gunny. I think a lot of was Sad in WI is saying is acting "as if". Just because your W is making the house a dark place doesn't mean you have to go along with it. Brighten the place up and spread some cheer. If your W doesn't like it, she just have to get over it. What do you have to lose?


BITS
Me:46 / W:47 / M:19 / T:21 / S13
Bomb#1: 5/8/2008
MC: 5/2008 - 4/2010
Bomb#2: 2/10/2011
W moves out 5/7/2011

'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' - Matt. 19:26
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Been thinking about that. Some how I stopped being up beat at home and around her. Really takes alot of work. I did it for a while but lost sight/energy. Time to get back on track and see what happens. But I gotta tell you the cycling of emotions is something else. Thought I would have a better handle of them by now.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Originally Posted By: Rick1963
Been thinking about that. Some how I stopped being up beat at home and around her. Really takes alot of work. I did it for a while but lost sight/energy. Time to get back on track and see what happens. But I gotta tell you the cycling of emotions is something else. Thought I would have a better handle of them by now.


I like this Rick! You can do this! I think it'll help the way you see your sitch too. Thinking of you!


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
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[color:#33CC00][/color]Had an R talk couple of days ago after having a few drinks didn't go well. Got a bit of balance when my L called and some other stuff. All triggered by my thinking. Didn't get angry just said what I think needed to be said from my perspective. After that I have a true sense of peace. I actually laughed really hard today. I kind of feel free. What she does or doesn't do does not hurt as much anymore. I no longer view her as if on a pedestal. Yes I screwed many times but I also did many good things for the family. Most of us did the same otherwise we wouldnt be here. Latetly I deal with the divorce as a business deal. She does not like it. She was under the impression that I will just leave and sleep in a homeless shelter. If you saw me trying to make the fonts on this board a different color Earlier today u would think I'm that dumb also. Lol. I laughed at myself really hard, but I digress. So today I am happy and know that my future will have it's ups and downs. Just like yours.

I have accepted that my M is trully finished. I don't know how I would respond if she asked me to reconcile. I can say that tonite I would say NO move on. I want better much better.

Let me tell you it took a while to get it. Yes I still love her but I will be ok. Besides I can't compete with OH( other horse). Came a long way from wanting to die to wanting to live and be exited about it. Hang in there guys

Let me try this again

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[color:#000099][/color] between what LA???????


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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