I have been divorced for less than a year and was married 6 years, together 8 years. My ex-husband says there is no chance for reconciliation and seemed to have come to this decision abruptly and without a real explanation, other than the usual (that his son will come first who is a drug addict) after we had spent nearly 2 years (while separated) trying to reconcile. My story is long and complicated, as I am sure many are as well. I can explain further later, but for now I want to know which book of Michelle's, if any, would be best for me to read as I am already divorced. He said he was disappointed and did not want the divorce, but would no longer do anything to work on reconciliation and I was told that if I could not live with his son, that it's over. I had went above and beyond with his son, pretty much doing the brunt of the work that is involved with addicts, until I had enough. We went to therapy for 3 years because of his son in which he was advised enough was enough, but still in the end told me to leave for his son. So, just curious where to start with reading to see if I should just move on or keep trying. Thank you. BTW, I am the one who filed for divorce after he abruptly stopped communicating with me and would not respond to my attempt to communicate.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
for now I want to know which book of Michelle's, if any, would be best for me to read as I am already divorced.
Id start with Divorce Remedy. While it's more about divorce prevention, I think the topics and methods describe would be applicable for anyone in any relationship.
Originally Posted By: Hope560
I was told that if I could not live with his son, that it's over.
So how would this change in a future relationship with XH?
Originally Posted By: Hope560
I am the one who filed for divorce after he abruptly stopped communicating with me and would not respond to my attempt to communicate.
Why did you file? What was your goal - other than to be divorced?
Sounds like you are getting mixed signals from your XH. He was disappointed about the divorce, but was clear that if you would not live with his addict son that it was over, right?
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Thank you. Yes, he was adamant that if I could not continue to live with his son, that it was over. He has remained adamant about that in post divorce communications. He tells me that there is no chance for reconciliation.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thank you. Yes, he was adamant that if I could not continue to live with his son, that it was over. He has remained adamant about that in post divorce communications. He tells me that there is no chance for reconciliation.
Hope, well then I guess the question is how you feel about living with his son?
You said he doesn't see hope for a recon "without explanation".
However your xh actually been clear and "adamant" about you learning to Iive with his son. It's not that we are agreeing about what he SHOULD feel it is what he feels. And he's felt this way for some amount of time.
So if he has a boundary and you don't agree with it, and it's not changing, then this is hard but it's also simple.
You are all you control. Can you learn to live with his son or not? Not whether you "should" be able to or whether your xh should feel differently or what his son is doing.
All that we can do here is help you with you. It sounds as if you two have been at an impasse for sometime.
Why would living with him and his son be different now?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
