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#2252449 06/08/12 08:28 PM
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Hi All,

I had to repost under another username.

I have been reading on here for a few weeks now and have learned quite a bit. I am in a currently very bad situation. My wife of 6 years doesnt want to be with me anymore.
A quick overview, met her 12 years ago at our place of work. I transferred from another state she was already working where I transferred to. We became good friends instantly.

Over the years I seen her go through two marriages and she watched me go through some pretty wild relationships. I was married once at 19 divorced at 21, bad deal. Anyway, 6 years ago I was offered a opportunity to start my own in business in another state, she had just divorced her second husband (abuse) and we started talking one day that maybe we should try dating, so we did. I moved to the other state to start my business, she followed a month later, everything was great! About 9 months later my business fell apart due to the housing economy, money became a big issue.

We couldnt do anything fun really had no friends yet, stuck at home in a really cool city.It took its toll, started fighting, less intimacy,etc. She got depressed, got on a anti-depressant and gained about forty pounds, she was doing some modeling before this. Well that really killed things, then her company went out of business, I had found another job, but then we were back to one income. We decided finally to move back and start over there. She got back to her modeling weight and was happy again. We found a house to lease, found out 9 months into it, the landlord wasnt paying the mortgage, that became stressful for us knowing the house would be lost soon.

The jist to this is, it has been extremely stressful for us the whole time we have been together. I am taking care of everything, finances, bills, yardwork, etc.I am extremely stressed.We found another house, the other foreclosed, we moved in three weeks ago.

Through all of this I have not been a good partner, not very romantic, not listening, not showing affection, acting more like a dad than a husband,etc.

Back in January we started sleeping in separate rooms, due to my snoring had gotton worse. She is a very light sleeper and usually had to go to the other room anyway. I know now that wasnt the only reason.

Last week everything came to a halt. We got into about something and she let it all out. She said the reason she had not been unpacking very much is because she doesnt want to be here, she is miserable, her romantic feelings for me have vanished and she wants a family now, just not with me.

Ok, ton of bricks, we just bought this house, just moved in and now this is whats happening? We dont have kids and both always said we didnt, but she is getting ready to turn 34 and I think it might actually be something she wants now. I am good with it,but I dont see it happening now.

The past months I have been working on myself, trying to not get upset over everything little thing, be more attentive, etc. Too little to late I think. She said last week the only reason she hasnt left is because she doenst want to bother anyone else.
My thought is, if you really want away from someone, you will do what it takes, right? We are still talking, hanging out with friends, etc.But there is no I Love U's, no kiss, no hug, nothing.

I catch her referencing the future, like " I cant till we get this deck stained" Or will your new schedule at work affect our camping trips. We also work together, but I am outside sales and she is inside so we dont really see each other. Also, she started putting more things away in the house, not much but a little. I dont know what to do, we have to unpack if we stay together, and we still have to unpack if dont, because all of stuff is together. If we split, i will have to move back with family the next state over, she will have to move in with family also. At this point in time, she is not making any sort of move either way.

I dont want to lose her, I have read this 180 deal and I am trying it right now, not long enough to see yet.

She said six years ago her gut told her we shouldnt do this, but she did it anyway. We married in 2008 so been about 4 yrs of actual marriage.

Now I know some of you will say there is someone else, could be. She is a big social person, facebook, text etc. I asked a few weeks ago if there was someone else, of course she said no.She might be having a texting affair, but otherwise, she doesnt go out without me and is always home right after work. I tend to believe her, because her first husband cheated on her,but you never know. I have checked her phone and FB, nothing to unusual.

The problem I have now is, I know once she makes up her mind about something, its as good as done. She said the damage has be done and does she change her feelings for me now???The thing is, the "D" word hasnt come up, what to do with everything hasnt come up, what to do with our pets hasnt come up, etc. I just really dont understand what is happening. Things like the laundry, we share the duty, she was folding my clothes and putting them up. We still have meals together, we still talk, so if she wants to leave me why hasnt she???

One of the biggest things I did was complain that I missed where I grew up and felt guilty for leaving and moving here. I am a only child and just feel guilty for leaving. I'm sure that hurt her feelings every time I brought that up. I didnt like to spend money, I became unsocial, didnt want to go anywhere or do anything, I have no hobbies anymore, became a real drag to be around. But like i said that has been addresses and being worked on, but I thinks she might be right, to much damage has been done. You cant make somebody Love You....

Thanks for reading, I know it was quite long

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What was your other user name?


Me-70, D37,S36
Cadet #2252895 06/10/12 10:17 PM
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I actually meant that line for another site, I posted here to get as much help as possible and to see if I can help anyone else also.

Cadet #2253159 06/11/12 07:45 PM
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I had this post on another site and copied it over and forgot to delete that line, sorry.

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Hey Everyone, I dont like to ask to much, but I could really use some advice. I am losing my mind...

Thanks,


Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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