--Rick & JB: I too am very glad about the trip to the L. I can now breathe a sigh of relief. --Val: I think you're right that anger is definitely a part of the process, as well as jealousy and repulsion given the A. If I didn't feel these things every now and again, I might not have a working brain or heart. But paralysis is no good, either, and I'm glad to say that I'm not going back there again.
Last night, I spent about two hours talking to Kirby Girl. I told her that I'm not looking for anything serious right now, and she said that she's not, either. So I'm glad that I won't be breaking any hearts any time soon.
Today, after I woke up, I went jogging. I found out last night that I've been running incorrectly -- landing on my heel rather than the middle of my foot. That causes that "pounding" sound and really slows you down. I jogged for some time the "right" way -- ouch! My calves are going to feel that for the next couple of days.
When I went shopping, I tried on some jeans just to get a feel for what I'll need to buy very soon. I found that I've dropped 2-4 inches off of my waist depending on the type of pants (jeans are tighter than slacks for some reason). And I look good in better-fitting pants, too!
When I got home, I sent W this e-mail.
Hi there:
Just wanted to let you know that I stopped by the credit union and spoke to ___ about the confusion we talked about last weekend. Basically, I didn't void the paperwork by signing it; I will not need to be present when you meet with your notary to sign; and you will need to sign those documents even though they won't technically be entered after I refinance the car. Long story short, everything is fine. I would meet with a notary as soon as possible so you can just give me that paperwork when I stop by on Friday; might as well save yourself the stamp and envelope.
Also, I asked her about the VISA card. She said that you can refinance the card into your own name over the phone and transfer the balance over. You might as well go ahead and do that whenever possible. I still have my card, but I'm going to shred it tomorrow, so there's no need for my name to remain. I spoke with American Express, and it sounds like I might be able to assume total responsibility whenever I get the official copies of the separation paperwork, which will be soon.
If you have any questions whatsoever, ______ is the one to call as she is up-to-date on everything. In case you don't still have her number, it's _____ x_____ (I'm assuming that last part is her extension).
Have a safe trip, and see you on Friday,
WCF
I did speak with American Express and found that we will have to stay joint on the card unless I can produce the S paperwork. Fortunately, W is still responsible for the card, so if she tries to charge anything to it, I will stop making payments and they will come after her for payment, not me.
You may also note that my tone in the e-mail was very friendly. It just felt natural to write this way. I feel that acting sunny and well-wishing toward her must be very confusing. Given her typical nasty behavior, she probably expects me to be cold and rude in turn. It just has to knock her for a loop.
Today, after I woke up, I went jogging. I found out last night that I've been running incorrectly -- landing on my heel rather than the middle of my foot. That causes that "pounding" sound and really slows you down. I jogged for some time the "right" way -- ouch! My calves are going to feel that for the next couple of days.
No other note than to watch this. You should run the way the feels comfortable without trying to change your from too much. You can do form drills for that. If you look at a lot of elite distance runners they heel strike as a well.
Yes your calves will feel it, I can give you some good shoe suggestions that help promote the mid foot strike if you are interested.
I'm a 20+ year runner. Sorry to go off the path a little.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Today, after I woke up, I went jogging. I found out last night that I've been running incorrectly -- landing on my heel rather than the middle of my foot. That causes that "pounding" sound and really slows you down. I jogged for some time the "right" way -- ouch! My calves are going to feel that for the next couple of days.
No other note than to watch this. You should run the way the feels comfortable without trying to change your from too much. You can do form drills for that. If you look at a lot of elite distance runners they heel strike as a well.
Yes your calves will feel it, I can give you some good shoe suggestions that help promote the mid foot strike if you are interested.
I'm a 20+ year runner. Sorry to go off the path a little.
too esoteric?
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
If it felt comfortable the way that I was running before, I probably would have kept on. But it really didn't. I hated the way that my feet slapped the ground so hard. Doing it this new way feels like I get more spring in my step. More "gazelle"-like.
I'm all for suggestions, especially from long-time runners. I used to loathe any kind of exercise with a passion, especially running, but the last year or so I've really been getting into it. I could see it becoming a passion if I keep it up enough.
Thanks for the info. I will try to get that paperwork notarized before Friday, but I work all week and then am traveling (I don't land in _______ until 2:00 am on Friday morning), so it might have to wait until after the holidays. Your Visa card is void now anyway because the old card was cancelled. I've already talked to [the credit union] about re-financing the card in my own name, and I don't qualify by myself right now, so that will have to wait until after I get a better paying job in the next year or so. I assume that refinancing the [car] will have to wait too.
I replied very briefly and let her know that while there was no rush for the refinance, there was no need to wait for it, either. All she needs to do is sign those papers and that's it! What I think is weird is that she was breathing down my neck about getting the car re-financed a few weeks ago but now sounds like she wants to leave things the way they are. I don't get it.
I talked to Kirby Girl last night and asked if she wanted to go out to the movies or something on Friday. I sure as hell don't want to be caught staying home alone when my W's in town. If KG can't make it, then heck, I'll go by myself. I have Fandango bucks to use up anyway.
I also wanted to mention that I finally got the thing in the mail that was hinted at a week ago. Inside was a gift basket filled with a couple of gift cards adding up to $30 and a card that was signed by everybody at my old branch. It sounds like the girl that I used to work with there organized the whole thing, even though I mentioned my sitch to her months ago. I noticed that both she and another girl wrote considerably more than the others. The other girl even added her phone number in case I needed to call her for emotional support. Both of them are about my age and went through D's, too.
All in all, it was a very welcome surprise. I'm finding more and more that everybody else in my life other than my W treats me with love and kindness.
One of my fellow D'd co-workers worked at my branch today, so I had some time to talk to her both in person and through e-mail. I picked up on the feeling that she's searching for support for her own sitch, too. She's trying to D her ex and he refuses to sign the papers, demands spousal support, wants certain clauses put in, etc. I sent her my phone number in case she ever needed to talk -- same thing she offered me a few days before.
She noted that she and the other girl came up with the gift basket idea because they know how much this sux. I like knowing that these girls are looking out for me. Makes me feel much less alone in this.
Got a reply from my W today:
Okay...[coming over on Friday] might be awkward because we're having some relatives there from _____ and I think they'll be there about 7:00, but it's fine. I was able to get those documents notarized so I can give them to you on Friday.
I replied:
Good stuff about the documents, thanks. If Friday's too awkward, I can always drop the rabbit off the night before if your parents wouldn't mind keeping him an extra night. I can pick up the documents when I get back from [visiting family].
I can't know exactly how she'll respond, but I think that I have a very good idea.
Thanks for the check-in, Val! Hope you're doing well, too!
I got a reply from my W about the possibility of dropping the rabbit off on Thursday instead:
Friday is fine, provided that it is closer to 7:00 instead of 8:00. See you then.
Gee, how did I know? I should have bet money on it.
On a more serious note, today is the six-month anniversary of the start of my sitch. I had no idea this thing was going to stretch on as long as it has. I'm still very confused in some ways -- while I still love who my W once was and want to hang in there to see if that side of her comes back, I don't know if she can be the partner for me. I need someone stable and self-sufficient, and....she's not.
I still don't think this is over, though, not by a long shot. Her power games and attempts to keep me in line indicate, in a very weird way, that she still feels connected to me and acts out of fear rather than true malice. We will see where she ends up.
On a positive note, I donated blood tonight. I'm very happy about it -- for some reason, my sitch has caused me to become a lot more charitable.
Just got done dropping off the rabbit at my in-laws while W was there. There are good things and bad things.
Pro: It was very quick, which is what I wanted -- I was only there for five minutes. I looked good, if I must say so myself. I changed into some nice clothes (a tighter shirt to show how much weight I've lost) and also got my hair cut yesterday.
My W answered the door and started joking with me right away. I was glad to see that she was surprisingly warm and friendly during this encounter. We were cracking jokes as though nothing had transpired between us.
Con: Everybody felt very awkward, especially my ILs. Also, after my W gave me the auto refinance papers, she gave me a look and a nod that said, "Okay, you should probably get going now." (I shouldn't really be surprised by this one -- she's been wanting me to stay away from her family for a long time now.)
Lastly, it was pure torture seeing her in person. I looked at her and felt that connection to her grow vibrant again, as though no time had passed. She looked absolutely beautiful to me, even though she just had her hair pulled back in a pony tail. I felt a sensation like I wanted to hold her close and kiss her. (I didn't feel these things as much during her "rabbit visit" in October.)
Summation: It could have been worse. I'm going out to see "Sherlock Holmes" with Kirby Girl, and then I'll be headed home for the holidays tomorrow after work. I'm very happy about that last one.
Here are my old threads:
