I haven't been on these boards for at least a year. But I'm hoping that maybe someone has some good advice. My h had an affair for at least 2years. He moved out for a year and I filed for D because he was spending alot of money planning his new life with ow.H ended the A and move back home about a yr and a half ago. Things were really good the first 8 mos. but after that all of the samee issues occured that caused problems in our marriage originally. He wont go for couseling either.Like his being a workaholic, not calling me to tell me where he is, and he listens to heavy metal music and Howard Stern who I dislike he is a womanizer, and is always at his co-dependent mother's house. Another problem that has driven us apart is that I have gotten very spiritual after going thru the trauma of the affair but he is into alot of dark stuff and I find it difficult to ignore it. Im afraid it will lead him down the same path of betraying me and Im afaid to open my heart to him so we are stuck in which seems a loveless m. It makes me very sad because I dont want to be D and I have a 15 year old son that it would effect too. I know I had to GAL so I am taking a class and also taking tennis lessons but this doesnt seem to be changing the dynamics of our relationship.We dont do much together because we dont enjoy doing the same things. If anyone has some good advice I would appreciate it.
Dear Rysmom, I am glad you are taking some classes and they help you personally. Trying to get back to the person you are and like to be is an essential piece of DB'g.
What has happened specificallly that prompted you to come back to the DB boards? Was it your FIL's death or something else?
Also, can you help me understand what that loss might mean for your H? Were they close? Did they share a lot of time together? Was his father's death expected or a surprise? Having an understanding of how your H might be grieving at this time, could be helpful in setting up realistic expectations for your goals.
Take care, Laurie
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Hi Laurie, My h father was sick for about a month, he was 94 when he passed away so it was kind of expected. My h and his father were pretty close and my MIL is and always has been very dependent on my h. We have his mother over for dinner a few times a week which I enjoy. Her and I have had some dissagreements in the past about her dependency on h, but we always reconcile. She is a very co-dependent person. She is 79 and has never driven so she depends on him for that now too, which I understand. I told her if she needs anything I am there for her. I am having a problem with trust lately, and have been bringing up the ow and the hurt that I still have. Because h still doesnt call me or doesnt want to spend time with me. He is busy with his work and has many friends that he works with it seems as if he doesnt care for my needs. The christian therapist that I have been seeing feels that unless H comes to see her with me, it is difficult to make any further progress. I still don't have much of a support system except my sister, but she lives far away so we talk on the phone. I dont know if Im going to continue with the class because the prof. said it is the hardest class at the college and I didnt do that well on the first two tests. He said half of the class failed and he recommended that some of us take bio-101 next semester, because it is a prerequisite. Hope to hear from you soon. Dawn
