I can never tell whether I’m snubbing or ignoring or just doing my thing. I feel like I need to be the better person sometimes. Treat H like I’d like to be treated. Right now I just try to keep things short and sweet.
You're doing great. Regardless of what happens. You are getting your life in order and being a great version of yourself. Fight for those hours, you deserve it.
So another conversation from W. She is now talking about letting her dad know her situation. Says she cant change her feelings. I ask how is she feeling and then she opens the flood gates... I wont list it all but some of the key points...
Still a lot of regrets about different aspects of our lives together or differents points where her life could have taken a different turn. About how she couldn't get through to me emotionally and that it wasn't her fault. Can't say she has a lot of regrets because we got our kids. Was never fully into me but more interested in our house project. The last few years together weren't fake. About a time I didn't say the right thing that hurt her. Regrets hurting me and bringing us to the situation we are in now. About how she is exhausted thinking about where to live but it will be as close as possible to our current home. About how she appreciates my patience in allowing her to live here.
I listened, mirrored, validated and didn't defend. Thanked her for the talk then went back to my house projects. The conflict in her is obvious. As are a few cracks in her emotional walls. When she talked about finding somewhere to live I told her she'd handle it fine. I know she would.
Yeah we had to have the papers notarized and I'm assuming he sent them in. He can't even give me a final divorce date. I asked him for it at the UPS store and he asked why I wanted to know. Uh, isn't it important to know when I'm going to lose all my benefits? I haven't brought it back up because I don't want to talk about divorce stuff, and I'm estimating we still have about 5 months before it's final, so I'm going to give it some more time for him to hopefully change his mind and not need to give me that date. Same for the will and trust we need to get done to leave the house to each other in case something happens to either of us post divorce. He hasn't made a move on that either, I'm hoping it's because he sees us staying married. It benefits him as well after all, having the property go to him instead of my family.
I looked online and there's a court hearing set for August 19th I think. Not sure what for or if it can push the final date further out. Last time I got divorced we went to this "fast divorce" place and signed everything and 6 months later I was a free woman. It was all in the paperwork. He wasn't giving me anything and I just wanted to be away from him so that was just fine with me.
Home life is still going great. We do thoughtful things for each other and spend time together when we're not working or studying. No arguments, great sex, no fights over money now that I'm getting more hours at work and making more. I did run into a snag with them not giving me consistent hours though since I've only been working 8 hours a week due to a work injury 10 years ago. I'm going down to the union office tomorrow to file a grievance. They're required to give me at least 24 a week per the union agreement and to qualify for benefits. I hope it goes well. I need this job. I have no backup plan and I have to show him that I can take care of myself financially.
