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For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by mindsin @ Yesterday at 07:14 PM

Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc Really bad idea for you to do that. Do they know all about YOUR past infidelities and the money issues? They absolutely know. My W revealed it to them early on (before BD). A few days later, I visited them and apolo
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: jim0987 #3 - replacing black holes with cats by jim0987 @ Yesterday at 07:11 PM

Thanks all. Yes fear not I have no intention of saying any of that to her unless it comes up as part of enforcing boundaries. It felt good to get it out and it actually felt even better when I rewrote it. Something twigged I guess - she denies the A
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Don't know if I belong here.... by Okabe @ Yesterday at 07:11 PM

Thank you both for the replies. I don't mean to be difficult about this: If I detach and stop initiating affection (which she had stated was part of the problem, me not doing so) won't I just be proving her point that I cannot change? I have read a
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mozza (2) by sandi2 @ Yesterday at 07:08 PM

Our posts seem to have crossed, but to clarify, I am not saying you are in denial or have a bad attitude or anything like that. My point was to try and help you distinguish between personal boundaries and punitive control over another person. Whe
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by 25yearsmlc @ Yesterday at 07:05 PM

Originally Posted By: mindsinOriginally Posted By: 25yearsmlc If only you had left OUT that last parting shot....it's so see through. It wasn't meant as a parting shot. There was no sarcasm or snark in that statement. I truly and genuinely was ha
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: standing on my own by raliced @ Yesterday at 07:03 PM

It does seem to be a rather down day, doesn't it? I do subscribe somewhat to the theory that people drop off once their situation improves. The very first poster on my first thread seemed to be heading in a good direction and hasn't been heard of sin
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by 25yearsmlc @ Yesterday at 07:03 PM

Originally Posted By: mindsinI've been having a really down day today. My W sent me an e-mail telling me that she will be going away this weekend (leaving Fri, returning Sun afternoon). I know I'm not supposed to be focusing on what she's doing, but
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: An Argument ISN'T Just A Contradiction by Matt165 @ Yesterday at 07:02 PM

Hey Heather! Wow, just think how very lucky you are to have a job where you can set your own schedule! Where you are seen as an asset and your opinions are valued! You are really doing great and I'm with Job...time to breathe!
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: standing on my own by CaliGuy @ Yesterday at 07:01 PM

Originally Posted By: AhoyThere are so few positive outcomes on these boards. It makes me wonder if there is really any hope. I know there is hope for saving ourselves in this process, but I wonder how many marriages are actually saved once they re
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by mindsin @ Yesterday at 06:59 PM

Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc If only you had left OUT that last parting shot....it's so see through. It wasn't meant as a parting shot. There was no sarcasm or snark in that statement. I truly and genuinely was happy to see that she was makin
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: How to start rebuilding? - 2 by Hoju @ Yesterday at 06:59 PM

Why? Well simply we are both young attractive people with no kids. Once the D is done it's actually harder for us to get back together then to just meet someone new. For her to even face friends and family at this point would be tough, after seperati
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by mindsin @ Yesterday at 06:58 PM

Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc If you don't care about it, then stop talking about it and stop thinking about it. I'd be a lot more convinced of your honesty about it, if you stopped focusing on it. Maybe that's my next step. Let me make it clear
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: standing on my own by Ahoy @ Yesterday at 06:56 PM

There are so few positive outcomes on these boards. It makes me wonder if there is really any hope. I know there is hope for saving ourselves in this process, but I wonder how many marriages are actually saved once they reach this point.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mozza (2) by sandi2 @ Yesterday at 06:56 PM

Mozza, you do understand that boundaries are not intended to control or to punish, right? Boundaries are to protect you. The action is to be from "you" if the boundary is not honored. Quote:1. No more stroller in the backyard. She drop
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Don't know if I belong here.... by CaliGuy @ Yesterday at 06:55 PM

Okabe Ok .. dude .. breathe. She is still there, you said "she does'nt know" .... but if you smother her .. she will run. 180 this .. .no pursuing .. read and live those 37 rules, they are there for a reason as hard as it is to comprehen
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by 25yearsmlc @ Yesterday at 06:55 PM

Originally Posted By: mindsinYesterday, I went to a company event for about 5 hours during the day. It was food, football, billiards, and good conversations. My W took the kids to the zoo, followed by a visit to her cousin (the one who knows our sitc
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Don't know if I belong here.... by Mozza @ Yesterday at 06:55 PM

You should consider reading The 5 Love Languages. I'm going through it at the moment and I find it enlightening to understand how to connect with a spouse. It's possible that all those years you've been speaking a language that she doesn't understand
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: Wife Still in MLC but has now left #6 by Matt165 @ Yesterday at 06:54 PM

Thanks for that Drew! You are right about needing to keep my focus on things that I do have an ability to change! Wow, T2, some very enlightening stuff there. Nice to know I'm not alone in many of the things that keep coming up. Soon after B-day my
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by 25yearsmlc @ Yesterday at 06:52 PM

Originally Posted By: mindsinI had a wonderful weekend so far with the kids. Last night I met up with my FIL and my son at his school for the Halloween bash. He had such an awesome time there. Saturday, we slept in and I took them out to brunch, the
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by CaliGuy @ Yesterday at 06:48 PM

Mindsin ... Just caught up on your sitch About the OM, I am not sure this would be a good move ... I know there were times I wanted to do the same .. her OM was an athletic trainer, I drove by that gym a few times thinking of goin in there, making a
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by claire7 @ Yesterday at 06:48 PM

Nope. Definitely not.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Don't know if I belong here.... by Okabe @ Yesterday at 06:45 PM

I remain confused on what tact to take. While she has not committed what she intends to do either way. She makes plans for the future like what our insurance is going to be next year on the one hand. On the other hand she doesn't reciprocate affecti
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: wife needs time to figure things out, need advice by mandown @ Yesterday at 06:45 PM

*sigh* I tried to not react based off of emotion. I was completely calm in the entire convo, did not raise my voice, or show any anger. More of a concern that she may not believe me. I am still semi pleased that it seems like she shows signs of jealo
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Please help me by 25yearsmlc @ Yesterday at 06:42 PM

Originally Posted By: dgb60H came over today and spent several hours. We had a family meal where we all sat at the table and then had family game night where we played 2 rounds of Pictionary. When he first got here, he asked if I still wanted to ta
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mozza (2) by zed @ Yesterday at 06:41 PM

Mozza I could not tell you what you are, except. I believe there are so many of us that feel the same way. I think we are all really confused and just want the answer's. If we can learn from our mistakes does it make us a better person. Tough to
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