Those both are outstanding, R2C!

Thats awesome. They definitely notice wnen you look good. I have dropped almost 100lbs. I look amazing. My STBXWW has never experienced me in this shape and never will. I catch her staring at me all the time. It really seems to piss her off that I am finally looking amazing. After she decided she was done with me already.

Keep it up. But remember, that your health is for you to appreciate, not for her.

Its best to just stop wondering what she is doing and why. You will never figure it out. Cheeseless tunnel. Keep focusing on yourself. Don't fall for those temperature checks.

Usually when they blame you for doing things, its a reflection of their own behavior. If she is supicious of your phone usage, its because she probably hides her phone and is doing something.

WW is if she is cheating. WAW is without the cheating. If you suspect she is cheating, she is probably cheating, EA or PA.

Also, WW/WAW don't want to do the work. She is probably hoping you will file for D so she can blame you for it. I made mine file. She first used D as a threat, then I found out about PA, then she wanted D and I told her that I wouldnt stop her. Took her 8 months to finally go file.

I hope everyone celebrating had a wonderful Easter!

Not so much for me. When I was a kid it was such a special day. This time it was such a non-event. I took D2 for a walk around the neighborhood in the early morning and, when we returned, W had a trail of eggs leading to a basket with a couple of coloring books and sticker packs. But that was just about it. My MIL had to work, FIL was sick, SIL busy, my family several hours away. Weather was decent so we took D2 to the playground but W just spent most of the day texting, I assume primarily "Potential OW2." I had a great time at the playground with D2 but otherwise it was kind of somber for me.

I should probably rename her since it seems from multiple angles that there is nothing physical or romantic going on with OW2, just a codependent friendship. A good friend of mine actually recognized her and knows her (she appears in my W's Facebook profile pic along with OW1), and says she's pretty controlling and domineering. They were friends for a while but my friend got tired of her nonsense.

Stuff like having one friend with whom she's obsessed at a time (my friend said, "Oh, your W is the flavor of the month?") and wanting to hang out with that person almost every night, and getting snippy if the friend can't until the inevitable falling out. "I need to be friends with people who aren't flaky, I need to know I can rely on you." Stuff like that. Apparently she's not the kind to accept any other commitments in her chosen BFF's life, like a 2-year-old daughter.

So the irony here is that W has invented an alternative history in which she needs independence from me because I'm controlling and jealous (I have had many failings in our MR but those are fiction), only to find herself involved in a friendship with some who is in fact controlling and jealous. W, for all her "I'm bold" stuff these days, can be a bit of a follower and apparently has found someone who wants to play leader. I don't see this ending well. W is capable of cutting friends off without a thought when they annoy her too much, and they work together. Fortunately not in the same department like OW1. Oh well.

Over the weekend, D2 was singing (loudly and off key) a song from a cartoon. W opined that it was "annoying as h***" and that "this is why I could never be a SAHM." Apparently, our wonderful D2 is OK in "small doses."

Who is this person?

Ginger, he used to be on State Insurance, when ex-wife started her new job it was determined that we both made too much to qualify. As far as any Obama Care type stuff that's what I had in my last job and it was grossly unaffordable. I just have to be patient. I'm going to present my financial situation to the court and show them that I can get really good insurance but I just need to have adjustments made to child support before I am able to do so. I live in New Hampshire which is a bit of a double-edged sword. Our state motto is Live Free or Die, a lot of the laws is that most states have regarding protecting the people are not in place here. We have no lemon laws for cars, one of the lowest minimum wages in the country, no seat belt law, no laws requiring health or car insurance.

Also LH is giving you solid feedback. Dude knows his stuff. And you are bucking against that feedback. Why?

Not sure what happened. but I do not like your schedule. It is too much switching for your D. And there will be Friday nights you need to do something and Saturday night she will. How about this:

Sun-Tuesday Morning - D is with me
Tue - Friday morning - D will be with my wife
Friday - Sunday Morning - With wife one week, me the next, alternating.

I think that is much better arrangement. Not sure why you guys would try to split the weekend like that.



Call her parents and tell them they need to contact her with their plans.

The advice you've received is sound. Keep your cards close to your chest. Be polite and even charming but don't get into R conversations with her. "I am doing really well. How have you been?". "I don't know how H is feeling. How have you been?" and a favorite of mine "Good days and bad days but the good days are out numbering the bad. How have you been?" (just enough vulnerability to be human, not too much that I sound distraught).

Quick update:

My L is drawing up the response to the W's petition for divorce. Should be filed within about a week.

I believe W still wants to mediate but she has not responded to my last text about choosing a mediator - I found one who is much cheaper than the one she suggested and with good reviews.

I gave W a written list of custody terms and am waiting for a response.

I proposed a home value to W to base the buy-out on. Her cousin (lives out of town) is a realtor and I think she gave W an idea about what the property is worth and I'm guessing W doesn't like the number (too high). I know W spoke with her a week ago to talk numbers but W has not told me anything. If her cousin gave her a low number, W would have run to me with it and said "see, I told you!" So now she is wondering what to do.

I think she is afraid of an appraisal now as houses have been hitting all time highs in my town as there just isn't much selection and its a great area. I spoke to a buddy of mine across the country who is an appraiser and who has been to the house a few years ago and he gave me an informal number that is almost identical to my number and the number that a real estate agent gave me. I'm concerned about putting all my eggs in one appraiser's basket so my number is based on a realtor, an informal appraisal, average sales prices over the last 6 months and current list prices. So a lot of data all averaged together.

I did find a condo that came up for rent that is about 10 minutes away from my house, and I put down a deposit. It is not available until summer but inventory is very low in my town and I just jumped on it. I want to get to a written settlement with W before I move out but even if I don't I think I will still move. I know the recommendation on not moving out until a deal is in place but man am I ready. I don't see how it will hurt me as I am not keeping the house, won't be paying a dime into the house and I am getting 50/50 custody for sure as the law is rock solid in my state. Need to talk more with my L about the move but would appreciate any input from the vets and the board, thanks.

GAL is going good but again this was never an issue. I am currently planning summer and fall travels, a few trips with the kids and a few for me with some friends. Part of my ramped up GAL is to start hitting some places I have wanted to see but haven't been there yet, bucket list type stuff, starting with mostly domestic locations. Can't wait.

It seems like a lifetime since I have had a R talk with W and I have never pursued, begged or pleaded other than the evening of BD where I said we should get into counseling, but W said too little too late. I can tell you it feels so good to have taken that path and the no R talks lately has also been great. We have a joint business, raising the kids, and its all business for me with minimal small talk and just basic pleasantries - "hi, how are you?", "well, goodnight" type stuff.

W has made a few comments such as "I know you don't like me very much, but can you do X" I didn't have a great response to first part, so I just say "sure" to the second part. Any ideas on how to deal with the first part? When in doubt I just ignore that kind of stuff, and i'm happy to keep going with that strategy. I'm not looking to get into that discussion right now, unless I am missing the boat on something, do tell vets, thanks.

Overall a sad sitch to be in a D but I am pretty upbeat and ready for the transition. I know this is a marathon situation and the dynamic will change radically when I'm out of the house, and I look forward to that. I will NEVER pursue W, it doesn't even cross my mind to be honest. There may be a time down the road when an R talk happens but it is also something I really don't think about. I just want to get my $$ out of the house, lock down a custody agreement, set up a new home, gets the kids settled and move on, turn the page and enjoy what the future will bring.

Thanks guys, that's why I reach out for the inspiration. I feel like once I made it to rope drop and was prepared to move on and was content, there was almost relief that I had worked to get to that point and proved to myself that I had finally done it.

Now it is hard to work back to the point where I want to grab that rope again.

And like you Steve I am approaching my BD date 5/10 and am feeling some flashback feelings. Doing my best to stay strong and remain a confident husband.

"Open relationships"? Not so much. To me, they almost always involve one person who wants to be unfaithful and another who is so desperate to keep that person that they're willing to go along even though it's not what they want.

Now that's different from being "friends with benefits" or just dating around.

I once dated a guy who was very up front with me about the fact that he didn't "do" relationships. (He was a Love Avoidant - look it up). I always respected the fact that he told me up front and therefore I never expected more from him than he was willing to offer. We always had a lovely time when I would visit him. We had a lot in common intellectually and the (safe) sex was great. But I also understood that he saw other women and he wasn't ever going to be my "boyfriend" in a traditional sense. That was fine with me at the time as I was between boyfriends, and once I started dating a new boyfriend we just became friends (without benefits). Several years later when that relationship was over I dated my Love Avoidant friend again for a while - he was glad to see me and I was glad to have a no-pressure healing place.

I'm in another relationship now but frankly, if this one ends (or if he dies- he has stage 3 lung cancer) I could see myself becoming more like my Love Avoidant friend. I enjoy the company of men but at this stage in my life I don't really need to live with someone.

Enjoy your time with D, enjoy time with yourself.

Time, relax, enjoy.

(((B)))

Thanks so much. My wife did tell me that I did nothing wrong. She just has this fantasy of living a life detached from marriage to see what is out there. Currently she is acting extremely depressed. Yes she went to the doctor and she won’t talk to me about it. I will post in the mlc section.