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Well, true, but I didn't say "I will if you will." I just said "I do." That doesn't mean I think nobody has the right to stop standing if that's what feels right. But if you make that choice, be sure it aligns with your personal
Great advice, sandi! Jim, I think you handled this very well for your first time out of the gate. Like I said, expect her to push back and get nasty. And so it has started. She's not used to this from you and it sets her off balance. You just
Thanks Sandi. Its very unfamiliar to me so a bit weird. Unsurprisingly I worry that it feeds her view that I'm a controlling bully - she has previously said I'm attritional in arguments. My tone was calm but may have been quite forceful because I wa
Originally Posted By: sandi2Our posts seem to have crossed, but to clarify, I am not saying you are in denial or have a bad attitude or anything like that. My point was to try and help you distinguish between personal boundaries and punitive control
I hope you are not thinking of sending the second half of that "rant." Detach! Detach. There are some good things you have written to say to yourself, but there are also lots of covert contracts embedded within what you have written. Qu
Super proud of my boys today. S8 wrote a note to the guidance counselor all on his own asking for an appointment. On the way home he and S6 and I were talking about it and I asked if they wanted to share their thoughts. S6 was really articulate in sa
Son went to IC today and when talking to him afterwards he mentioned that when he told counseller that he had not had much contact with his mum that the counsellor mentioned that it could be because she is spending a lot of time with OM and that she
Originally Posted By: sandi2Mozza, you do understand that boundaries are not intended to control or to punish, right? Boundaries are to protect you. The action is to be from "you" if the boundary is not honored.I hope I get them right. Le
Yes, of course your tone of voice matters. And Jim, she has ruled the roost for a very long time. She is not going to give that up easily. Quote:Rough summary is that I explained what has happened and she said there was no need to grumpy. Maybe
It is NOT a down day. At least, not in my corner of the world. So I'm on my 18th thread. Which is kind of embarrassing. But when I first started posting here ere was a whole different cast showing up on the front page. And the cast that was on the
Argh. So I've been changing the beneficiaries on my 401Ks, and for one of them (the largest), I have to have spouse's signature of approval. That's not going to happen. So I guess that will have to wait until the D. Yuck.
"We talk about "standing for the marriage". Here's the thing - to me marriage is a promise to build a life together, and implicit in that promise is the idea that you will work through problems together (short of abuse). My husband has
Hey there Ahoy. I'm glad you don't have to worry about health insurance. But sad you're having a rough time. Sometimes I avoid some people's threads if I'm not in a robust state of mind but I do have my favourites, and yours is one. We know what we
Thanks 25yearsmlc. You are right, this definitely brought about a backslide in detachment for me. And I think you are right that much of this does boil down to the problem of comparison or keeping score. I'm working hard on transitioning to a new lif
You're absolutely right about the scorecard. We both have ours, and it matters not who's "winning", because she'll never think I am. Where I get tripped up is when I start doing comparisons which then leads to thoughts of "Well I neve
I join in welcoming you to the board. You are not alone in your confusion about the mindset of a W who has let you know she isn't sure anymore. Besides lack of affection, what are the other complaints she has made over the years? Losing a moth
Wowza. W started again this time trying to take the high ground of how rude I was. This could be rough for a while. My concern is that this will make the divorce very fractious rather than help with the M
Originally Posted By: mindsin25 - What is your advice on how to deal with my W's e-mail regarding her weekend away? Do I simply ignore it? Say nothing? That's what my gut tells me. Another part of me tells me that I need to at least address the unfa
Originally Posted By: claire7And, It's not that I've decided I'm not following that marriage contract any more, but I don't need to have a public symbol to him and anyone in my home. If he wants back into our marriage, he knows where to find me.