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I rolled this around for a while. I can only hold me accountable for my own. I think what resonated with me was the notion that M is a covenant created by God. We joined it together. Break with God at your peril. Answer to Him for your part.
WW, "But G, you didn't Cherish ME!" What?! I have ALWAYS FELT that way. W used words that didn't translate well to my thought process. Eventually translated - "you didn't say and do things in my language that I would feel cherished by." The notion of her pain and unhappiness, thinking she was not cherrished was more painful than an OM, who is just a symptom. W has had a tendancy since the begining to assume the worst interpretations and roll around in unhappy feelings without telling me.
- "for better or worse," What does this mean to me in this mess?
Originally Posted by Mach1
Jack would have been a fan of you though....
Encouraging you to burn every ounce of fuel to outlast her MLC, to find a way through this while causing minimal damage. To find one more day within yourself. He would ask if she was worth it, the waiting for her to figure herself out before a bell was rung that could not be un-rung..
This is definitionally "worse." When I took four years to say "I Do," I kept working through all the "worse" situations I could think of and testing myself. I still did not imagine this one. For me this mess is an "outside context problem." See Ian Banks novels where the term originates or just google.
Going in I had NO frame of reference to deal with any of this. No doubt a pile of failure on my part by not growing my relationship skills and understanding over the years. I had thought W is certainly more skilled at this than me so I will leave it to her. A faulty way of thinking. Abdicating my responsibilities for my end.
That's a good question...
Seems fairly simple, yet it's quite complex to answer....
What do one's vows mean to them ??
Most people mean them at first, and then they change somewhere along the line.
The "better" seems easy....
The "worse" seems to be lightyears away...
Same with richer, poorer, sickness, health....
Some people will go through life without ever finding out whether or not they believe them all...
And others will find out when they are up against them....
What I've learned is...
I've been divorced for 14 years now...
And my vows have nothing to do with her....
They are MY core...and I still live them...
So throwing everything else aside...(her, God, Bigfoot, the Pope)
What do they mean to you ?
How do you live each of those in your daily life ???
Originally Posted by grok
I keep thinking I'll make short posts. I keep failing. And these are a fraction of the things I connect each day. The inside joke - I say I'm a simple man. Things often appear simple to me and each thing logically flows from the others. The family rolls their eyes..."G, you are the most complex simple man alive."
g
Since we started with a conversation about Jack3Beans....
When I first came here, the firewall at my work kept me from posting...
So I read everything that I could find.
After a few months, Jack posted his email address and that anyone that wanted to reach him could do so there.
So I reached out, with him not knowing who I was at all....
My email became my DB board.
I would journal these incredibly verbose emails, sometimes 3-4 a day. and wait for him to respond.
No matter how many I sent, I would get back one a day....
And somehow, what he would send back was often a 5-10 word response, that would summarize everything that I sent him....
Not sure how he did that. At the time, it was frustrating as hel!, yet looking back, it is what I smile the most about in our friendship....
