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I'm not here much anymore, although I do stop in from time to time..
I'm also not gonna focus too much on where HE is.
And I'm gonna ask you some questions about where YOU are...
Whether he is home or not shouldn't change who you are and hopefully have become through all of this.
A lot of the old timers here called Piecing..... Piercing, because of how painfully hard it was. The reconnection from a non emotional place can be difficult enough without throwing affairs of the heart into it.
When you add in the emotional baggage of children, history , memories, and what once was. It tangles it into a web that is almost impossible to get through. So what happens is that past behaviors get applied, and old patterns take over until you find yourself right back in the same miserable place ( if you are totally honest) you both wanted to run from.
Standing your ground and absolute boundaries are your only lifeline to finding something different. And you have to enforce the boundary in order for it to mean something.
Something is drawing him back, and for now, it doesn't matter what it is.
An MLCer will not return to a situation that they were trying to run from...
However, pretending that he isn't living there, and sweeping everything under the rug isn't healthy for you , or the future of this relationship.
Something like....
Is this working for you ? The being here again ? Because pretending that you haven't moved back in isn't working for me. I feel like if you are here, we are working toward a future, and if we aren't working for a future, then I think it best that you aren't living here
???
Most in MLC, when they start seeing the world again through rational eyes, are broken, laying at their rock bottom, looking up for a lifeline to pull them through. Men in MLC are a little different than Women are in that there are usually a lot of false starts.
Men are typically less emotional creatures than our superior counterparts. Therefore they can only take it so far before they have to walk away and regroup.
You may see that, you may not.
With any luck though, YOU should be light years ahead of him when it comes to relationship skills. I don't know you, however hopefully, you have been honing all of the things that you didn't like about yourself within the confines of a relationship. Making changes to yourself and for yourself.
So him catching up will be frustrating at best for you. Have patience....
He will also fear judgement GREATLY...
He will struggle with forgiveness GREATLY...
So some questions.....
What does reconciliation look like to you ??
What does having a healed marriage look like to you ??
What boundaries are you putting in place to protect yourself ??
What fears and anxiety are you having over the thought of this ??
What does forgiving him look like to you ???
How can your boundaries be strong, without punishing him ?
Have you forgiven him ??
Have you forgiven yourself for your part in the breakdown of this relationship ???
