If it's ok w/ you, can you stop by my thread "Christmas help" under "Were Separated, What Now?" I'm so confused and trying to get all the perspective and help that I can. Thanks so much!
Laura, Your link didn't work for me, but I read your post in "We're separated...". I was there for a while myself. I moved to MLC because I felt like I could relate to people more over here. I think you are already learning that you may never know what is truly going on with him because he doesn't know himself. So, diagnosing him with MLC, depression or anything else may not be the answer for you. I think you should find a place where you feel comfortable, where you feel you can relate to other posters the best.
That being said, I can tell you I have heard just about all the same things from my H that you have heard from yours... their personalities sound very similar. Although diagnosing your H with MLC might help you find some answers to his erratic behavior, your "reactions" are really the only things that matter. You seem to be GALing and lovingly distancing yourself from your H...keep it up! We certainly are all here for one common reason, but I have learned that there is more to this whole exerience than our WAS, it is a journey for us as well. We can speculate what is wrong with our WAS, we can speculate about another person in their lives, but you already know that we cannot make them see the light and even if you know beyond a reasonable doubt that your H is in a MLC, can you really tell him that?...sooooo, what can we do in the meantime? I think we only work on ourselves. I know, easier said that done. Believe me, I am still working on that myself...otherwise I wouldn't be here, right?
Thank you so much for your reply - you never can have enough words of encouragement! Do you have a thread? I would like to hear more about your situation as well. I'll have to figure out how to make my link work and post it again.
It's so hard b/c you want so much to help your spouse really see what you see, but you are so right that they can only see what is true for them in their own time. I love him so much and want so much for him to be happy. I want for him to share w/ me the tough times that he is experiencing, as well as to good times. I think that is one of the hardest things for me b/c that was something that was always so good for both of us. That was what brought us together, first as wonderful friends and then more. I hope that he misses that as well when he is clear.
Thank you so much for your support- it means so much to me!
Quote: IT, I hope I'm wrong, but as I read your situation it sure sounds like H may either be considering or have already had an affair. Again, I hope I'm wrong. Maybe I misinterpret your conversation with him, happens alot when you're reading instead of hearing the words. But my take is that all the questions about you being involved with someone sound like him trying to gauge whether or not it's safe to tell you what he's done.
Separated for two years. That's a good while. Has he done anything to deal with his depression and confusion professionally? Any counseling of any kind to find out why he feels the way he does? 30 seems young for a MLC, but that doesn't mean he's not having other issues that mimic some of the MLC behavior.
I guess if you were asking for advice I would tend to side with the idea that it's time to establish some boundaries between the two of you. I don't know that it's necessary to "go dark," sounds like maybe that doesn't work so well on him, but I do get the sense that he's also someone who could be pretty clingy if he thinks you're easily available.
I don't know, sorry. The whole thing sounds a little bit to me like you both have spent two years apart, but you don't have a lot to show for it. My sense is that he's done nothing to address his issues, and I'm not sure how much you've done to move on and let him know that you're capable of living without him.
I guess more details would help. So I'll follow along for awhile and let you know if I think of anything.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I'm going to try to copy the link to my thread, so I can keep it in one place. I appreciate everyone's help. Crossing my fingers that the thread now works. Christmas help
One other thing that I realized that I left out, which I think might be kind of a big deal (or a big deal to H).
We've been at this place for the last two months of texting each other, but not going past that point. Of course, I have tons of people try to give me suggestions, but I try not to talk to others about it too much. One thing a friend was saying was that it would be nice to try to move past the current status of just texting neutral stuff back and forth. On Christmas Day, I told him that I had a present for him and that's when he kind of blew up and asked me if I was seeing anyone. He said later on in our long conversation that it made him feel like crap that I had bought him something and that he didn't have the money to really buy me something and also that he still couldn't promise me anything. I think that maybe that was sort of the spark to the fuse that caused his blow up.... I thought that I was trying to test the waters and move another step up, but I guess that must have been like a 100 steps up...
Hi Laura, Ya, it worked. I'm glad you found some of my words helpful. Here are my threads. I'm always open to advice or constructive criticism The first one is my most current.
I thought that I was trying to test the waters and move another step up, but I guess that must have been like a 100 steps up... 
The first one is my most current.