I am THE most unlikely Kid Rock fan you will ever find! lol As a mattter of fact I call myself a closet Kid Rock fan.
Only God Knows Why and Midnight Train to Memphis are my two fav songs by him (I have to fast forward through some of Midnight Train though... my virgin ears ya know) ROFL
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Most divorce attorneys will give free inital consultations, and even though you aren't married, it seems that many of the issues are the same - shouldn't you speak to one before you move out? I just can't believe there isn't some way around the DNA testing if he agrees he is the dad - just seems like an unnecessary expense.
Perhaps once you consult with an attorney and find out the best way to do this, you could get him to go with you to have the papers filed before you move out. Just approach it as "even though we aren't married, this is the same as a divorce in regards to child support and visitation. We both need to be protected - I need a guarantee of child support, you need a guarantee of visitation rights - so let's get that done now before I move so there won't be any confusion".
That way, he would A) have to face reality a little bit more about what all this means, and B) you'd still have some leverage to get it done (as in, I'm not moving until the support order is in place). Once you're out of the house, what motivation would he have to do his part of the paperwork??
Watch out about moving out before contacting a lawyer - you may be hit with an abandonment charge... Get all your ducks in a row, before you move one inch!!!
NNP - a closet kid rock fan! Who would have thought! I don't particularly care for him, but if I had to pick one song I liked, it would be Picture. Yeah, more parallels to my life.
Anyway - today, I'm getting the hell out of here!! I don't care where I go, probably last minute back to school shopping for the kids, but I'm outta here. Leaving SO with the kids and don't plan on coming back until 8 PM (when the race starts!) That is, unless I find somewhere else to watch it! LOL
Ellie, thanks for your input. I plan on calling the courthouse again Tuesday, just to verify the notes that I took. Yes, I'm kind of anal that way - took notes while talking to them.
SO got home around 8 last night from work, earlier than I had anticipated. Him & his friend worked in the garage until 11 or so. I had actually gone to bed, but he came in and woke me. Clearly expressing his surprise that "I wasn't up waiting for him."
He mentioned something about "He has to meet with those people Tuesday". My response, "MmmmHmmm." Ok, so maybe *I* can get out of it. I don't want to go. I think I've decided to discuss this further with him; just not sure when. I'm simply not comfortable with the lack of $$$. No job, etc.
On the personal level - well, I don't know what would be best. I know when he had his apartment, we seemed closer. But, he seems to go through that whole "when he's with me he wants to be with OW; when with OW wants to be with me" thing. You know - wanting what you don't have. I think my greatest fear is staying here and making it worse between us. Not for anything I do or don't do, but rather that *I* will be perceived as the last thing standing between Romeo & Juliet's "in love" happiness. (boy, I wish they had a thowing up smiley face that I could insert here - Lol) Know what I mean?
He also initiated ML last night. Yeah, I did. For good or bad, who knows. To me, it signifies his continued confusion. Maybe not the best reason in the world to do it, but, WTH. Maybe not even accurate, maybe I'm just a warm body, who knows. I've given up trying to figure it out.
Well, SO ended up taking D3 & D7 to the camper. I ended up going with the baby to my sisters for the night. Today, he got back before me, so took the kids bowling. I like that he's doing these things with the kids; but it upsets me that he would never make time before, as a family unit. Oh that's right - we were never a family, as he says. I feel so excluded - especially when he's taking them to do the things "we" did and like to do.
I also don't like when he forgets he has a 3rd child ~ counting on me to take her so he can have an easier time with the other two. But, I keep it to myself. Rather, I've been trying to encourage his time with the kids; validating his efforts in spending time with them that he does.
He said something on the phone before about the meeting with the landlords tomorrow. I didn't say anything. He asked what was wrong; didn't I want to do this? I said no. He asked why not; I said I was very worried about the money and not having a job yet. He actually didn't yell or anything - that surprised me, that he didn't freak out. Just said he'd take care of the money and we'd talk later when we were both home. Great, something to really look forward to tonight.
SO has betrayed me again. Ysterday, he took the kids bowling. Last thing he says to me (I didn't ask, either and thought this was a non-issue for the time being) - that it was just him & the kids. Well, D3 starts talking about this other "kid" who was there. I asked what? She said Daddy's friend OW (says her name).
I'm spitting nails. What do I do? I thought we were clear that the kids weren't to have anything to do with her for the time being. Now he's gone and done this behind my back - again.
This is such selfishness. I know I most likely don't have any means of stopping him bringing OW around the kids, but, sleeping with me at ngiht, bringing kids around OW - isn't this going to screw with their heads?
SO "says" he will not take the girls around OW. But he only says that to placate you. He does what he wants.
SO "says" he will take are of the rent. But, what about when he does not feel like it? or gets mad at you about something?
I am so worried about you moving into a place that you can not afford and then having to rely on the goodness (and saneness) of SO for the roof over your head.
Call a lawyer, get a support order in place, then find a place that you can afford on your own. You can not rely on this man especially in the state (of mind) he is in.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Well, met with the potential landlord. Not sure what to think of it. It didn't go bad or anything, I just couldn't get a read on the lady. Said she'd get an answer to us within a few days.
SO got into it with me about OW being with them yesterday; I said he needed to be up front about things and not sneak around. He still insists there's nothing wrong with urging the kids to keep quiet about those things because "there's nothing going on" and nothing to hide. Yeah, OK.
He also states that I'm being difficult about the whole rental thing. I asked him if it were a smart thing for a person to move into a place they can't pay for and with no job. His answer "Get a job immediately. This is some kind of last desperate attempt for you to hang on to me. I'm tired of doing things for other people. It's time I did things for myself and I'm going to and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks. Why would possibly want to live here when I'm dating someone else and don't want you. How could you want to live under those circumstances?"
So, I'd say that about sums it up. There was some more, I told him I plan on getting the child support paperwork in place. That PO'd him again. Then he started threatening that he'll take ME to court for custody of the kids and he'll win. And that the amount he plans on paying for rent/daycare is more than I'll get in child support.
I'm so tired of this. Everything I do or say is viewed as antagonistic and always comes back to trying to "ruin his happiness with ow". Not that I ever even bring up "us" - he does. As a matter of fact, when he directly asks me things about "us" I do my best to divert the topic.
It just comes down to this. Nothing I do or say, whether nice, polite, validating - no matter what the subject - is taken as anything other than "trying to hold on to him" and he's "not coming back" and this is "his house" and I need to "get out of it and his life" so he can "finally have the happiness he deserves." Yes, they are direct quotes screamed at me after voicing my concerns about no job/no money.
OK, then. I'll go, if the landlord accepts. It won't be available until Oct 1st anyway - that gives me time to secure employment and get the routine going with the kids in school.
I spent the morning calling the custody and support offices; put in calls to some lawyers. And, yes, looks like I'll still have to go through the paternity stuff because I don't have copies of the paperwork from FL for D7. I think what I'll do is wait and find out what's going to happen with the rental 1st. Then file everything after. Anything I do while still living here is only viewed negatively by SO, so I'll just keep it quiet until such time I know what's going with everything.
As for him personally, I told him I wanted him out of the bedroom. Told him he needs to get moved into the other room tomorrow (he's got to work tonight). Sleeping next to him doesn't do me any good. It messes with my mind and I need all the clarity I can get.
Although I do think I'm getting better at detaching. None of the things he said; accusations, even the whole OW thing with the kids - hasn't caused me to be anything other than polite and courteous towards him. I think THAT is pissing him off, that I haven't reamed him out or anything. Merely stated my concerns quietly and respectfully.
Right now I have to worry about the well being of me & the kids. Romeo & Juliet see me as the final roadblock to their happiness. <Insert nasty gagging sound here. > So, I'll get out of the way of their "happiness". But I'll be damned if the kids & I are going to suffer because he doesn't pay the rent.
Quote: Although I do think I'm getting better at detaching. None of the things he said; accusations, even the whole OW thing with the kids - hasn't caused me to be anything other than polite and courteous towards him. I think THAT is pissing him off, that I haven't reamed him out or anything. Merely stated my concerns quietly and respectfully.
Excellent. All his venom right now is him trying to push your buttons so you will behave in some undignified manner and he can say to himself "See!!! THAT'S why I'm leaving her!!!". Don't bite. You stay calm and rational, let OW get pushy and hysterical.
Other practical matters - - can't you send for a copy of D7's papers? - get all the paperwork for child support ready to go, so you can file it as soon as you leave. Even a couple of months without him paying the bills will sink you, so don't wait any longer than that. Funny, he didn't say anything about how it would be good for him to have a guarantee of visitation rights??? Doofus. - can you find a way to squirrel any cash away? Leftover grocery money, change jars, whatever? Even a couple hundred bucks might pay the groceries if you get in a tight spot. - and before you move out of that house, DO please consult with an attorney to make sure you don't have any rights to some of the equity in it. Seems unlikely, since you aren't married and H owns it, but some state's laws are funny, so don't ASSume.
(boy, I wish they had a thowing up smiley face that I could insert here - Lol) Know what I mean?
