F--k. That's the first word that comes to mind. NM, I hate this. I hate seeing you suffer but you know what? This outcome, HIM actually stepping up and making a decision in a way gives you all the personal satisfaction (strange choice of words I know but I don't know another) that you tried all you could. YOU didn't give up on this when there was still something not to give up on, and I suspect you understand that this is not necessarily the end, even if in your heart it is. I don't say that to sugar coat anything, just to remind you once again, that at the very least, he's likely to flip on YOU again, even if you don't with him.
I have been thinking a lot about how it would feel if things got to that point in my sitch and I am like you, I can make myself feel ok about it for a bit, but in the end NM, I fully understand your sense of failure. Of course, I don't believe you ARE a failure but I can understand that after all these months, really YEARS of trying, it has to be so hard to just have it end.
NM, please don't be a stranger. Please let us know how things are going. Vent, cry, celebrate, whatever. I've come to know you as such a wonderful, powerful, strong, passionate, caring, loving, peaceful woman and I don't want to lose you to the part of your life that maybe doesn't include "us" anymore.
Just check in, and maybe someday that a$$hole (pardon me) will realize once and for all that he made the biggest mistake of his life letting you go.
NM, I know it doesn't seem like it, but I really think this is for the best. If you and SO are ever going to have the relationship that you want, he's going to need some space to figure himself out. Best of luck! I know this is going to be hard.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Yeah, SO is really messed up. I can't help him, he has to help himself. And, while I intellectually know this, it still hurts. And, you're right too - that in some way, I have a (very small) sense of relief that he made the decision and didn't dump it on me to make.
However, this is my line in the sand. And he doesn't understand that. I know, don't rule anything out - but I have to. For MY sanity. For MY peace of mind. For the best interests of moving forward and letting it all go so I can begin a new life without always wondering about the woulda, coulda, shouldas.
I know I'm not a failure. It's just feels that way sometimes. As far as checking in here, lol, I feel the same way. Even if I don't post much to others, I read along and empathize and maybe, with a different perspective now, lol, I can offer more. Coming here to learn became a little part of my life.
Good Lord, this man is a MESS. Best to extricate yourself before he reels you back in - hey, I have been verrrrrrrrry impressed with you. NOT a failure in any way. I would have given up way before, had I been you, and you can go now knowing you gave it your very best, and he was not up for the challenge.
Please don't stop posting here, we would miss you! Let us know what's up. Likely he will change his mind again as he sees you packing up, he's such a screwball right now.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
I am both very sad and very excited for you, as strange as that sounds. As usual, GH beats me to the punch and sums up my thoughts pretty well, but I want to say that you have given everything that you can and now you must move on to rebuilding your life. Obviously, you are not a failure and throughout this whole process I've always looked upon you as a very strong person (with a great sense of humor to boot!) who was grounded in reality. Although I don't post very often anymore, I do follow everyone's sitch, so please post updates as they become available. Take care of yourself and your wonderful children.
Rob
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Yes you are very strong and this is a small gift from God in reality. Seriousely. I don't like that your spirit has died, you're so strong and now that you can use that strength for yourself and your children, I think you will be very happy with what you achieve.
Quote: Let us know what's up. Likely he will change his mind again as he sees you packing up, he's such a screwball right now.
This is so true. DOnt' give into it, do move on. SO is nuts. Seriousely.
your efforts weren't wasted, you've learned so much, your next Relationship will be amazing!!! Just start out with a mentally healthy person and the skills you've learned here will work like dynamite!!!
You guys crack me up! GH, RB, PARob, BI43, WL....I'm so glad you're all saying this stuff so I don't have to! Please, feel free to add some more!
Seriously, I'll be OK. I was never worried about ME being OK. The girls & I have pretty much lived on our own for 2 years. Not much will be changing for us, just the closets where we hang our clothes.
I really am beginning to wonder just how deep his mental issues are. I really hope he gets the professional help he so apparently needs.
But, for the record I have to say that I swear - for the 8 years we were together (I'm not counting these last 2 years as us being together) - he wasn't like this. They must have been casting for Invasion of the body snatchers one night when I wasn't looking! And he got the lead role!
The worst part about this NOW is the waiting. Waiting for $$, keeping an eye out for jobs & a place to live. Since I've accepted this into my mind, I don't want to wait any more. I can't deal with his sad sack emails, calls, etc anymore. I just want to be gone already. And done with the whole thing and moving forward. Pretty sad, if you think about it.
