Hello Friends! Ye Olde Locke Monster got my thread, time to start a new one.
This summer will be the last time I will be living with both of my kids...D is off to college in the Fall, and S is determined to move out by October. Currently he is talking about moving to Rhode Island to live with a buddy. I am not sure how "Easy" my summer is going to be! I am working and going to school, S is doing summer school and D will be very busy with her job as well as trying to squeeze in as much fun as possible with her friends before they all scatter to the winds in the fall.
I taught 4 workshops already this week, I had yesterday off and am off again today. Tomorrow 2 more workshops. They went well, my evaluations were basically great for the most part! I am really happy to do these...I make as much $$ in a week of workshops as I do in a month at my regular job. So this is the direction I hope to be going... once I finish my masters in Dec. I have 4 days off next week and then school starts up again for me until the second week of August. But at least I won't be working at the same time! So just doing school will be a little bit of a break.
One of the people in my workshop was a Mom I have known for years, her D and my D have the exact same b-day and were in Kindergarten together. She was also my S's English teacher in 10th grade. (4 years ago) That year was probably the nadir for my S and my H, S was miserable in school and H and I were in major disagreement as to how to handle it. We eventually decided to let S take the equivilancy test and then take classes at the JC. S has been doing that and I think it was an excellent decision to get him out of that environment where he was SO miserable. It took him about a year to get the negative attitude about school out of his system, and now he is doing just fine...
Flash forward to Tuesday's class and S's former English teacher is there. She shared with me that she ran into him at the store just the previous week. As she put it, "He could have easily snuck by and not even said anything, but he hailed me and gave me a big hug!" I was stunned. S?! I said. She said, "Yeah! He seemed very centered and mature. We had a conversation, and I had heard you and H were seperated and I asked him how that was. S said that it was a good thing for everyone." Hmmm. I told her that I thought so too, but it was quite rough in the beginning and it had taken me quite a while to get to this place. She was full of positive comments about my S, and it meant so much coming from a former teacher of his! Really it made my day.
On a different note, I have a small grove (3) of birch trees in front of my house, and it appears that they have died! They were fine last year, dropped their leaves like any other tree, but now in the spring, they haven't leafed out like the rest of the trees. Yesterday a friend and her landscaper boyfriend came over, and the first thing he said to me was, "Your birch trees are goners!"
I am really sad about this because, A) I really liked the trees, B) now I will have to come up with some $$ to get them removed, and C) I will also have to decide what to plant to replace them! Oh well.
Well that is about all for now. I have the day off and I think I am going to spend it cleaning!
Talk to everyone later, have a great day, week or month! LOL
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
You will miss your D I am sure, but I am told it all becomes life as usual, you will look forward to her visits home, how often do you suppose she will be home?
I have to admit I am secretly glad S will prob be here another year, he is taking another semester at the comm. college, then he'll be off He has his sights set for USC now, so he'll be movin L.A way, who knows maybe I'll follow him, much more job opportunities! Oh he'll LOVE that ,,not! lol
So whats going on w/ the D? anything new?
BTW did you feel the quake up in Eureka the other night?? did you get tsunami warnings? We had them break in all the way down here! Thought about you!
Well dont forget to check in every so often SG!!!
** Karen **
** Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life **
Thanks for visiting...Yeah I am glad the kids are still here. Took them both to see "Batman Begins" S and I both liked it a lot, S being a comic book freak who read the entire series this is based on. He had some minor quibbles with plot changes, but we both liked it. Not quite D's cup of tea...
We didn't feel the shaker up here...I am about 6 hours from Eureka. Our state is so HUGE it is hard sometimes to realize how far apart eveything is. Tho the rain is really something else!
There has been no progress on the D. I have to finish up my paperwork, and I have been busy this week. After my workshops today, I can get cracking! I actually hope to get it filled out over the weekend.
I have to shower and get ready for 2 more workshops. I noticed that a bunch of people who were in my earlier ones added the ones for today...AFTER they had my classes on Tuesday. I will take that as a compliment.
OK Folks, talk to you later!
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Happy Father's Day, friends! I know the fathers who are on this board are dedicated and loving fathers who care about their children. As for the other fathers...the ones like my STBX.... I don't know what to say.
My H left just 2 months before my daughters 16th birthday. She will be 18 in October. When he left, my S was 17. At the time, he said something like, "Well, they are just about grown up now, aren't they?"
Since then, he had been around to drive D to her crew practice 1x a week, and also to take the kids out to dinner about 1x a week. I figure that a VERY generous estimate of the time he has put in is about 6 hours a week tops.
Since he left, I single-handedly got D to visit and apply to colleges, Take the SAT, apply for scholarships, get her drivers license, and all those other parental duties that come with the territory. For S I supported him with his art, paid his tuition and for his books, and was available for his philosophical conversations, whenever and however they would strike!
To be continued...I need to find a wandering, senile, 17 yr old doggie who got out of the yard!
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
I hear ya! I would venture to guess that most of us here all have had the same experiences and have all had to step up to the plate so that our kids would continue to have some stability. I know that for all of us there were times when we had to force ourselves to do these things, but there isn't anything that we wouldn't do for them right?
I think of all of the things that our spouses have missed with these great kids of our and I feel so sad for them. That's when I truely understand that there is something very very wrong going on within them!
Whew! Found her, asleep with D on her bed. This little doggie is getting a little fiesty in her old age, and she has been wandering lately. I think she must have come back in while I was out looking for her!
Oh well.
The other day I found something that my D had written to a friend of hers... an IM. They were talking about "The saddest thing that ever happened to you"
My D told her friend about how she woke up one morning to me screaming at my H to get out. And how she found out that he was having an affair for 2 years and how he wasn't the dad she thought he was. She said that it was hard watching me deal with everything, and it was hard dealing with her dad, since she was such a "Daddy's Girl"
I guess she is getting enough distance now to talk about it with someone!
Both of my kids have refused counseling. I think it is interesting that my S told his former teacher that the separation was good for all of us.
I would agree with that. It has probably been best for S, but hardest on D and me. We were the ones that had the biggest illusions about dear old STBX.
It is hard seeing someone for what they really are. It is hard facing the truth. But hopefully we can learn compassion while at the same time staying true to ourselves.
I hope D learns something from all this and isn't just hurt by it all. She seems to be doing great! But as a mom, of course I worry.
Sheesh! This is one rambling post. Later today I have an appointment with a friend. We are going to fill out the D paperwork together. She will do hers and I will do mine. I will be her server and she will be mine. We are doing service by mail.
Another big chore I have to do is get my birch trees removed. I have a small grove of trees (3) and they never leafed out this spring. They are dead! I guess this happens to birch trees sometimes in this climate. Anyway, one of them has started to lean...alamingly... toward the neighbors house! SCAREY!
I am very sad about this since I really loved that little grove. I will have to remove and replace those tress. One more thing I am handling on my OWN!
Happy Dad's day everyone! SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Quote: It is hard seeing someone for what they really are. It is hard facing the truth. But hopefully we can learn compassion while at the same time staying true to ourselves
Hey SG Perfect statement! exactly it isnt it?
Its tough sometimes taking on both parental roles, even if our kids are older, my S like yours was 17, when H left, he said the same thing as your H, " well I at least waited till S was all grown, give me that much credit" A boy getting ready to start his senior year in HS is not fully grown in MHO.
You have done great tho SG! if there is one thing we can do , is pat ourselves on the back! or each others backs
Glad you found doggie, hope you have a great Sunday
** Karen **
** Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life **
Well, on Sunday my friend and I met to fill out the paperwork so we can get our Ds going. We met in my computer lab, and filled out the forms and printed them out. I have a packet that details the instructions from my lawyer.
On Monday I made the correct number of copies of each form and drove to the courthouse to file. This gets the case going in the court system. It cost $292.
Today I am meeting my D buddy and giving her all the paperwork and she will "complete service by mail" This way we don't have to hire a process server.
By doing things this way we are saving $500. We still will be going through mediation to get the marital separation agreement.
I talked to H yesterday morning. I told him that this was in process and not to be surprised when he gets the paperwork in the mail. He appologized for not doing it himself. We talked for almost an hour, about the kids, his work, my school, etc. I found out that he has a relatively light schedule this week, so I mentioned that it might be a good time to get all of his (rhymes with "spit") out of the garage and yard. He said, yeah, he was planning on doing it this week.
After I filed at the court I felt a little out of it. I took the wrong exit coming home, and then I went to what I thought was my counseling appointment. She didn't show up, and I am confused about that, but when I came home, teenager life overtook mine and I didn't even think to call her until it was late.
This morning I finished filling out the forms and clarified some stuff with my lawyer.
Feeling a little sad...
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
I was stunned. S?! I said. She said, "Yeah! He seemed very centered and mature. We had a conversation, and I had heard you and H were seperated and I asked him how that was. S said that it was a good thing for everyone." Hmmm. I told her that I thought so too, but it was quite rough in the beginning and it had taken me quite a while to get to this place. She was full of positive comments about my S, and it meant so much coming from a former teacher of his! Really it made my day.
A boy getting ready to start his senior year in HS is not fully grown in MHO.