moving forward II -- it's a bright, sun-shiny day!

[Lyrael]

Nevanna-
I have had problems in the parental area as well, as recently as Father's Day. That has mostly been my extended family, and my dad a little. My mom has been pretty accepting of my H, since I told her we were in counseling and both doing pretty well at taking responsibility for our actions.

I've kind of had to make the choice with my family - I asked for permission to bring H to a family gathering once, and got negative comments about him. So I didn't go to that one. The next time, I told him to come anyway, and the uncle of mine that he has been closest to told him he was welcome in their house anytime.

I made the mistake when not-so-fun stuff was happening of talking to my family about it - that's where their negative attitude comes from. It seems like they are guided by my attitude. I never act ashamed of being with H (and since you seem to be an independent sort, I bet you don't either), I speak positively of him if he happens to be brought up, and I act relaxed and at ease when he and my family are both around. That seems to have worked for me, and me not coming the one time seemed to help, honestly.

Just my two cents,
Myrrh

[Nevanna]

Hmm...thanks for the input.

Well, I am sure they know we are no longer seperated. They've seen us together once since the whole mess, and we were acting pretty affectionate and all. I have also made sure to talk about him, like I would normally, around them. I'm hoping they'll get the hint.

Right after the whole explosion, when H and I first started talking again, I remember sitting on the couch with my mom, and telling her I knew we both contributed--and she kept trying to defend me, and tell me that it was all his fault. Now, I know their my parents, but I'm only human, and of course I contributed.

I think my mistake, as you said, was during the first sep, I went and spent the night at their house one time. It was when H had hit the point where he was calling me every 20 minutes, and I refused to take the calls. (Long story. Hadn't found DB yet.) I certainly didn't tell them everything, but I told my mom enough that she's been hesitant about him every since.

The worst part is, I went there and told my mom on the advice of a C. Worst decision I ever made. It's caused nothing but problems.

Then, this time, H actually called my parents and told them they had to come help me move all of my stuff out because we were getting a D. My dad has pretty much been mad at him ever since. My mom, after we moved my stuff out of the apartment, had the gall to tell me that she "wasn't surprised" and had "seen this coming"--that it was better to "cut the losses" and get on with life. (Not the most comforting thing to hear!!)

I get the impression that my H would like to repair things with my dad, at least. His dad is a deadbeat--my dad was the closest he ever really had. And I know it really hurts him.

[Nevanna]

Okay, just got home, and I can't figure out what the surprise from H is. I know my place is still messy from the move, but this is just silly. I wanted to be very enthusiastic about it, maybe leave him a vmail...but I'm just baffled.

I had been thinking, while I was driving to meet my parents, that maybe whatever the surprise was he did it to make up for me being mad at him last night. Of course, then I realized how inane that whole nonsense was--I was mad at H...for xrm wearing his shirt without his permission... WTF??

I think being mad is just my reaction now instead of getting hurt. Still doesn't excuse my getting mean with him. I need to put the whole nonsense behind me. I hope she goes away soon.

Still trying to figure out what H did in my apartment...

[Nevanna]

Well, when H called me after class, I just gave up and asked him what the surprise was. He sounded confused that I had missed it--then asked me how my door lock was. It had been sticking really badly. So I went back to the door, and started fiddling with the lock--and, well, he had sprayed some stuff in the lock to lubricate it, so now it turns nicely again. I guess I was so excited to get inside, I missed the obvious.

After H got home (and he gave me a big hug) his phone rang. It was xrm. I was hoping she had gone away! Ah, well. Not so lucky. So he went outside to take the call. He wasn't gone long. He didn't tell me what they said, and I was trying not to be nosy, so I didn't ask.

We had just started to fool around....when the phone rang again. (Guess who...) He made a face, and decided to ignore it. And it rang again. So we went in the other room. A few minutes later it rang a third time before it finally stopped.

H cracked he should have just grabbed it, as if he didn't know who was calling, and said "I'm busy trying to have sex with my wife right now." Yeah, that would have been good to do with the crazy person.

He didn't check his vmail for a while. I finally had to ask him what she had said on the phone to him earlier. I apologized, just said that it made me feel more reassured. He said he hadn't intended to keep anything from me, just thought it wasn't important. (And my curiosity was killing me.)

She had wanted to know "what he was doing." H asked her why she was always so concerned about his activities. He told xrm that she was starting to freak him out. That she needed to stop. That he really hated it when she called him in the mornings to wake him up. That he still wanted to meet her somewhere, but that he would call her, not for her to call him. So, really, not much of a conversation anyway. (Although she did keep calling him back. I'm dieing to know what was in the vmail.)

He did complain some more about how irresponsible she was. How she rarely paid her share of the bills. How she took things of his that he wanted back. (Or, at least, lost them--a sheath to a decorative knife, some nice drawing pencils, that sort of thing.) How, at one point, he even needed to borrow money from me to pay his rent. (Now, I am sooo glad I did that--he was more than greatful, he actually paid me back, and it made him madder at her. ) And how she never even paid him for the last month that she was there. He even commented "She is so weird--how did I not see this before?" (Ha! I remember him telling me that "he knew her pretty well" right after he moved her in, when I voiced concerns about him getting the land line in his name, since she actually didn't have good enough credit to do it herself.)

I never made it to the gym. We were curled up together for too long. (My LL being touch.) I'm going to stop waiting on him to go the gym on the nights he has class. We never get past the "I missed you" cuddling in time, on those nights.

H also said, twice while we were laying down, that he wanted a baby....

BIL2 then called, something about rearranging H's stuff in the garage. H then talked to him about moving the love seat into my apartment, before going over to the house.

I decided to finish what I had started earlier--waxing the floors. I figured I had enough time, since it only takes 20-30 minutes to dry (according to the bottle), and it's 10 minutes one way to the house. So at least 20 minutes of driving, plus whatever time to load the truck and then unload it at my place.

Well...I was wrong. Maybe I put it down too thick. I don't know. So they show up with this love seat, and the wax in front of my door isn't dry. Whoops!

It was pretty comical--watching them stretch so as not to touch the part of the floor where the wax was still wet. BIL2 had one foot in the doorframe, and one on the carpet, while they moved the couch in. LOL. It was very sweet of them to go to all of the effort because of my miscalculation. (And fixing the wax would have been a pain in the butt.)

H left with BIL2 again, but said he would be back, since they don't like to run the AC over at the house. I had to go to bed, then. Not sure when he came in, but it was late, and I was pretty asleep. But it's still nice to wake up with him there--although it always makes me want to stay in bed.

[Lyrael]

Nevanna-
It sounds like you're doing all you can to help foster a good impression of your H with your parents - honestly, mine have said some completely moronic and cruel things about H and my relationship with him. The more he is around, the more my mom seems to accept him, and since my dad is pretty distant from our whole family, I am not outrageously worried about that. My uncle saying what he did was a big deal, because he actually was close to my H.

I wonder if xrm realizes that the more psycho she acts, the more she pushes to two of you together - you two are defending your couple space against The Malevolent XRM!!! I think she is kind of absurd with her jealousy and possessiveness.

In our case, one my H's former friends who is now in a serious relationship with one of H's former OW's is the one who won't leave us alone. It is a pain, especially when you are putting the past behind you and trying to move forward together. I have to say again that I LOVE reading your posts, because it's great to see day-to-day progress of your R and M.

And the wax thing was so cute!
Myrrh

[Nevanna]

It sounds like you're doing all you can to help foster a good impression of your H with your parents.

As far as I'm concerned, I don't really give a hoot what they think about my sitch. It kind of irritates me that they don't think I'm smart enough to handle things appropriately. I have noticed that the more I talk nicely about H, the less hostile they seem to get.

Personally, I would just ignore the whole thing, and just not care what they think. But it really, really upsets my H--at least, with my dad anyway. (He's fed up with my mom, and I can't blame him.)

Although he did make some crack last night about when I do get pregnant--will my mom ask "Whose is it?" or "Is it [H]'s?" So I can tell it's a sore spot with him. This is kind of a problem since H has said in the past I don't stick up for him (and really been hurt by it), so I want him to know that I do defend him.

I wonder if xrm realizes that the more psycho she acts, the more she pushes to two of you together - you two are defending your couple space against The Malevolent XRM!!!

LOL! This made me laugh!! The funny part of it is, is how truly nuts the woman is. She honestly thinks that she and H were a couple. Now, I can understand why she might have thought he was interested or wanted to date her or something like that. But the jump to them actually having had a romantic relationship is too much. But, honestly, I've been around enough to know that a lot of what she's said to H couldn't possibly have happened. (He was with me, or with his family, or the facts always change, that sort of thing.)

Kind of goes to show you how pursuing/pressuring don't work.

And the wax thing was so cute!

BIL2 went over to the floor later, and said, "It looks so shiny!"

[nitaf]

Keep doing what you are doing. Let XRM keep doing what she is doing.

Nitaf

[Lyrael]

As far as I'm concerned, I don't really give a hoot what they think about my sitch. It kind of irritates me that they don't think I'm smart enough to handle things appropriately.

This is something I constantly deal with from my parents. I make a well-informed, adult decision that they don't happen to agree with or fully understand, and it's "stupid." They can be good people, just a bit narrow-minded at times.

But it really, really upsets my H--at least, with my dad anyway. (He's fed up with my mom, and I can't blame him.) This is kind of a problem since H has said in the past I don't stick up for him (and really been hurt by it), so I want him to know that I do defend him.

Okay, I realize now that's what I meant by the good impression. It's a loyalty issue to me - one that I didn't always give much attention to in the past.

LOL! This made me laugh!! The funny part of it is, is how truly nuts the woman is. She honestly thinks that she and H were a couple.

The depths of complete insanity that some people allow themselves to fall to always amazes me. Like the conversation at 2:30am when my husband's former OW's current boyfriend called our house to check on our son because "H is never home." WTF?!? How do you know, first of all, especially since he had spent the last three nights before that at our house! People are so weird, and I am so beyond caring about it!

Kind of goes to show you how pursuing/pressuring don't work.

I need to get this tattooed on my forehead.

BIL2 went over to the floor later, and said, "It looks so shiny!"

Awww, see - that's so cute! It's nice to have your shiny floor appreciated.

[Nevanna]

I remember the first time I waxed my kitchen floor, at another place H and I used to have. Both H and BIL2 were thoroughly fascinated with how shiny it was. They both stared it for several minutes LOL. I just like it because, well, a waxed floor is easier to clean.

Well, I called H around noon. Just because I miss him. He was asleep, missed the call, but called me right back. H said he was having a strange dream anyway--that I was running around with a new group of friends, and totally ditching him. I resisted the urge to point out that that is exactly what he's done to me--twice. Instead I just reassured him, told him I wouldn't do that, and that I loved him.

I had kind of wanted to ask him about those vmails xrm left. (I'm dieing of curiosity--the soap-opera drama of it all just really pulls me in!) But he was really groggy, so I let him go back to sleep.

Was still missing him when I went to get some lunch, so I left him a direct vmail, just said that I loved him, nothing special.

Things have been pretty quiet today. H mentioned last night that he was going to try to do the face-to-face convo with her tonight. (In a public place, right by a busy road. ) So, we'll see. That should be interesting.

I'll let you guys know.

[Nevanna]

So I sent H another ILY text. (He always liked that kind of thing.) H called me a few minutes later--said he had just woken up.

We talked some. He said he was going to go work on his car. I asked if he was still planning on talking with xrm tonight, and he said he was. I then said I was going to go to the gym on my own then, since he was going to be too busy to go with me.

I finally just asked him what the messages were from xrm. Said my curiosity was getting to me, but that he didn't have to tell me. He said that she was inviting him to go to some club with her friends that night. Then the next one was to tell him she wasn't going after all.

So nothing major. Nothing really out of line.

H did tell me about another dream. Said in the dream, he became close with this whole family. But then the mom started really hitting on him--really obviously flirting with him. And, in the dream, she asked him to come over for "something important" on a day when her husband and kid weren't going to be home. That he could tell she was setting it up for some kind of liason. He said the dream made him very uncomfortable.

So that's two dreams in one day that, if I'm not reading too much into them, in some manner relate to our sitch. He must have a lot on his mind.