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#2919653 06/08/21 06:57 PM
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kml Offline OP
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Link to my old thread: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2917335&page=1

Nothing too new here. CMM had a rougher than usual time with chemo this time around, and we contemplated postponing the next round by a week, but it's too difficult to reschedule with one week's notice so he's decided to go ahead Friday. Perhaps instead we can talk his doctor into reducing the dose somewhat this time. Or maybe his blood count will dictate a delay, if his platelets have dropped again.

Had a discussion with my middle son about my estate plan ideas. There is an advantage to passing the house to one son (the ability to do a transfer on death deed that will keep the low property tax rate and make transfer easier) but it does make evening things out with the other two a little complicated. My middle son though seemed enthusiastic about the idea of my oldest inheriting the house (where he lives, and he is the one who would always welcome any of his siblings home if they needed to live there with him). He's also the one who could live with roommates if needed to finance the property tax and maintenance bills. I think if he gets the house, and the money is split between the other two, I could maybe even it out by giving the other two a small (maybe 10%) interest in the house to be due if my son ever sells it. It might mean having to redo that part of my will periodically as house value and retirement fund values fluctuate but seems the most fair way to do it.

As mentioned before, I am not sure my kids will ever inherit anything from their father, since his young wife is only ten years or so older than my kids and is likely to outlive them as she's Asian and healthy. I don't know for sure but the impression I get is that my ex has a standard pass through trust where his wife gets use of the estate while alive, and then it goes to my kids. So I feel like it's up to me to preserve a little nest egg for them. (They all have struggles and/or health issues).

kml #2919660 06/08/21 09:42 PM
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B and her numerous siblings did something interesting. Their parents have a large lake-front property where all of the kids have build cottages.

A number of years ago, their mother sold the property to the eldest couple of kids for a nominal amount. On her passing, the kids are to sell the property and split the proceeds.

My grandmother did something similar. She sold the family farm to one of my cousins - again for a nominal amount. If the estate had gone to probate it probably would have been split and no one of her grandkids could have afforded to buy it. I thought it was a fabulous idea. My cousin who ended up with the farm had already been actively working it and it stays in the family without him being burdened by debt trying to buy everyone else out.

"Fair" - perhaps not in a purely financial point of view - there were about 300 acres of prime farmland involved here. But I at least, all my cousins and siblings I am sure thought it was the "right" and "fair" thing to do.

You're perhaps a bit young to do something like this but it is something perhaps to consider.

As an aside - in my will, my lawyer told me very specifically to not itemize any bequests but to just use the vague language of "estate to be divided equally" and to have a separate document that I update from time to time to list the various bequests. Only an issue if they kids disagree. Neither of them want the house and I suspect not my Don Quixote statue either. There were some raised eyebrows over the assignment of the silver tea service.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
kml #2919661 06/08/21 11:27 PM
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Yes, there's not really a lot of "stuff" of any value, and I would put anything like that into an informal document, as my mom did. I can't imagine my kids fighting over the handful of paintings (none valuable, most amateur), I don't have any jewelry of value, really my car would be the only thing. And I'm pretty sure my kids would be able to agree to give that to the kid in most need of a car at the time.

The one thing my mom did which was super helpful was that she put me on her bank accounts. That enabled me to immediately access that money to pay for funeral expenses and I was able to divide the rest of it up amongst my siblings as soon as I knew what was left after paying off her few bills. I know it's not a good option in many families where there might be a temptation to take that money or suspicion about it but I was ever so grateful in this case and all my siblings knew they could trust me to be completely honest. Retirement accounts had us listed as beneficiaries but that still takes some time to do all the paperwork to get them distributed. None of my kids would have the money to pay for a funeral or even to keep up the mortgage payments at present so having one of them with access to the accounts could be a good thing. For now though I think you can list them as beneficiaries of bank accounts if you die, that would probably still be slower though.I might put one son on one account so someone has access to some emergency money.

kml #2919666 06/09/21 06:48 AM
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My mom left small amounts of cash to her grandchildren and everything else was equally divided into three for me and my siblings. She had my sister and I on her bank account (so we could pay her bills when she was unable and inherit anything remaining when she passed) and all three of us were listed as joint tenants on her home so when she passed, there was really no estate to deal with. The three of us packed up her home, divided up her possessions (basically we took turns choosing and item until everything of value was gone…the rest we donated) with only a few things having been decided by her ahead of time. We did it in two days with no arguments. The one benefit of my mom getting a terminal diagnosis is that she had time to finalize her plans so that made it really, really easy on us. I am eternally grateful that all I had to deal with was the loss of her and nothing else. The more you can prepare ahead of time, the better. Great discussions to have with your kids KML. smile

kml #2919669 06/09/21 04:37 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
I was ever so grateful in this case and all my siblings knew they could trust me to be completely honest.


You are lucky in that respect - I had step brothers and sisters who could care less about my side of the family.

Divorce strikes again.


Me-70, D37,S36
kml #2919675 06/09/21 07:23 PM
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Yes, it's not something I would advise in most families - even the most normal appearing sibling relationships can go south in a bad way when money is involved. Stories are rampant of unscrupulous siblings stealing the inheritance. Luckily my mom's estate was small (about $28k for each of four siblings) and divided evenly (with the exception of her used Honda Civic which we all agreed to give to my younger brother, who was most in need of a car). She didn't have any belongings of value and so there was really nothing to fight about.

Both my older brother and I were executors but since he's in another state and mom lived with me it was just easier for me to handle everything.

kml #2919676 06/09/21 08:34 PM
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Yay! Just got an email from a distant (third?) cousin of mine. She had found me on 23andme a year ago, she's a biracial artist doing a project on race and family. Her mother is Jamaican or Haitian (don't remember which) and her father was Canadian. She shares my mother's maiden name and I happen to have a detailed genealogy of that side of the family going all the way back to France in the 1700's (French-Canadian). She only knew a couple of generations back on her father's side but I was able to piece together some information and show her exactly where she sat in the family tree and fill in all those back generations for her. Now that she's vaccinated she will be traveling around the U.S. on her art project and I should get to meet her in the summer. Fun!

kml #2919680 06/10/21 12:39 AM
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Originally Posted by kml
She had found me on 23andme a year ago, she's a biracial artist doing a project on race and family. Now that she's vaccinated she will be traveling around the U.S. on her art project and I should get to meet her in the summer.

Wow, kml, happy happenstance! Sounds like a fun meeting.

Originally Posted by DejaVu
The three of us packed up her home, divided up her possessions (basically we took turns choosing and item until everything of value was gone…the rest we donated)

My extended family split in half over a similar division. The oldest son remembered being promised the father's knife. The oldest daughter cared for him in his final years and claimed first pick and took the knife. Other relatives chose sides. Decides of 100+ person family gatherings ended by a simple knife. I can't imagine how complicated it gets when actual money is involved and it's not a simple knife. Props to siblings who settle things maturely. Props to parents who take the time to write clear wills.

kml #2919785 06/12/21 06:30 AM
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Any thoughts on vaccination and myocarditis? For 16-19 y/o boys, Israel says 168 per million developed myocarditis after vaccination and 0.4 per million died. Compare this to COVID's US rates for 0-17 y/o's of 89 hospitalizations per million and 14 deaths per million. COVID kills more, myocarditis hospitalizes more?

PS - My son just turned 12, and I convinced my XW to get him vaccinated!

kml #2919789 06/12/21 02:18 PM
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Covid is a MUCH bigger risk than the vaccine. Most cases of vaccine-associated myocarditis are mild and resolve quickly. (And not all get hospitalized, which may be the difference between your Israeli myocarditis cases and your US Covid hospitalizations). I haven’t seen data on this with the vaccine, but selenium deficiency is a known risk factor for viral myocarditis with other viruses, so you could put him on selenium 200 mcg a day as a preventive (or have him eat a handful of Brazil nuts a week, they are a rich source).

To put this into perspective though, allergic reactions to penicillin cause 500 deaths a year in the U.S. lightning kills 49 per year. So they are still more likely to be killed by lightning than by the vaccine.

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