Spoke with my sister today. She's pretty clear that this is not survivable with any quality of life at this point. He has a Do Not Resuscitate order and they spoke with palliative care today. He has spinal abcesses but is too medically fragile for surgery; these are likely causing paralysis. He has pneumonia as well as infection in his sternum, 3 large strokes and more are probably forming, kidney failure and I imagine other organs are failing too.
She is strong and has the support of their three daughters (one each from previous marriages and one they adopted together.)
They've been married for about 22 years. My sister's first husband cheated on her and left her with a five year old child for an OW (and he's a sociopath but that's another story.). Her second husband's first wife had cheated on him. They didn't have a perfect marriage but he has been a generally good man and a good father, and faithful to my sister even during his occasional bouts with alcohol.
I am so very sorry. I pray that God will take him quickly so that he does not suffer and your sister doesn't have to make the decision to take him off of life support. Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Long discussion yesterday with my sister about her husband. She was really anticipating that this staff meeting today would be largely about when and how to take him off life support. Then last night he opened his eyes, squeezed my sister's hand on command, and when his daughter asked him "Am I (other daughter's name)?" he shook his head no!
Wow. He's by no means out of the woods and in fact has a very high risk of throwing another clot/stroke because of vegetations on his heart valve but this implies that if he does survive and nothing else catastrophic happens, he won't be paralyzed or in a completely vegetative state.
No, that's really not on the table. Despite that moment, the staff meeting today really brought home how impossible things are. The surgeries he would need ( heart valve replacement, spinal abcesses surgery) would kill him or cause worsening strokes. He's unresponsive again today. The problem is, there's nothing to do now but antibiotics but antibiotics alone can't fix the problems he has. His breathing is starting to be irregular and I suspect it won't be more than a few days.
Sorry to hear this kml. It's not easy to deal with even though I know from prior conversations that this isn't too much of a surprise. Your family is in my thoughts.
One thing I always say and firmly believe is that as long as you hold those you care about in your thoughts and heart, that they are never truly gone. <3
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
