That’s like saying that Michael Jordan only needed to practice and didn’t need/want to showcase his abilities in a game or didn’t enjoy being on the ultimate stage. That’s ok coach I just want to practice, I don’t need to play in front of millions of people. Screw that, that’s why you hone your skills, put in the work, get up at 5 am and hit the gym, have gainful employment, increase your sexual market value. It increases your confidence in all aspects of your life which in turn increases your confidence with whatever sex your into. So when the time is right your game is tight and all of your practice and work pays off.
Wow, I found this very interesting. Joseph I really need to say yet again I'm not trying to bust your chops here. Plus it's not like I have a lock on solid, grounded, authentic self. I just find it really interesting how you compare meeting the love of your life or at least meeting someone you want to have a meaningful R with to Michael Jordan and basketball. Yet, I've kinda of seen this in you and have tried to flush it out. I think others have too. For you it really does seem like a game or at least like a performance. You've tried to hone your game or your performance skills and as you say it your sexual market value. What would the doctor say if she read this? Would she run? And I don't think it's you deep down but it clearly is the surface you. Maybe someone else can put better words to this but it really hits me. Again my way is the right way but I would just hope to meet someone that I really enjoy and who enjoys me. It's not about honing skills or market value or how I display. Is this making any sense?
I guess what I'm trying to say is it seems like you are so focused on your presentation and on your market value and all of the effort that you are not enjoying the game. It's still all about the performance. How you're received and seen. I think that's why you talk very little about how you feel about any of the women you've dated and nearly exclusively on how they look and how much they are into you. Are you seeing that at all? Perhaps if you step back and read your own words do you get what I'm saying? I can't help but see some aspect of you wanting people to say "Look at who Joseph landed. Look at the hot woman he's with." Much like fans would say "look at Michael Jordan play. Did you see how he made that three pointer with two guys on him." A basketball or band performance is just that - a performance. Dating should be much different. Yet you seem to see them as much the same. Again, I might be the one missing it. I just wonder.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Havent read anyone elses responses yet, only briefly skimmed - but will later - but a few things jumping out at me...
Joseph, this isnt divorce busting. Dont treat her like you are divorce busting her. That is not gonna make her feel safe or connected. The theory that women are more attracted to guys that are not that into them is really far founded. The only women i knw that respond to guys like that are girls like WG. Your doctor is more educated and confident.
Never read the book either. Just to expand on Dawns post...i think that any piece of advice that categorizes women in order to "manipulate" them in to liking them or sleeping with them or dating them is condescending. Remember all that advice to "neg women" based on their number rating? "Negging" is the term and if you havent heard of ot, google it. The things some of you say, reminds me of that.
Its condescending because you are not treating women like human being's with unique preferences and dynamics and feelings. Instead you are coming up with instructions like your following a recipe from a cook book, and its just 1970s pick up line corny. Just get real. You like someone tell her. She will be flattered. If not, shes not for you.
Never read the book either. Just to expand on Dawns post...i think that any piece of advice that categorizes women in order to "manipulate" them in to liking them or sleeping with them or dating them is condescending.
OMG!!!!!! I would pull my hair out if I had any. It is not a pick-up book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why would anyone not want to be their most attractive self for the dating world or in life? The basketball reference has to do more with putting in the work and not reaping the benefits. Practice is putting in the work, the training, the eating right, lifting weights. The game is where you reap the rewards of all your efforts. No different than putting in the work for dating, your job, your personal life, etc. You put in the work so when you want that promotion you can get it, when meet the right girl you can date her, when a friend or family member needs help you can offer sound advice.
Why would you not want to be open to learning, growing, and developing yourself to succeed in life? Your in a band and I bet you have practiced for zillions of hours to hone your craft. That is no different than anything else in life.
Ju...going against what I have read we havechatted every day this week either via text a couple of times a day and we did have 1 hr long phone conversation on Wednesday. She has started to initiate more with reaching out on Wed and this morning. So it does seem to be working where as before she was not initiating at all. I am just trying to find the balance because it really goes against everything I have read.
Man, I miss all the action now while I am at work.
First, we all know how I feel about the coach in general. ANd now I see this?
"The wonderful truth is that if you treat a woman properly and allow her to come to you at her own pace with minimal and simple actions on your part, she will do most of the chasing, calling, texting and pursuing! That allows you to focus on what’s most important in any man’s life, your mission and purpose!"
So a woman's purpose in life is to chase call and pursue while the man is busy fulfilling his purpose in life? WTF? This is the douchiest statement I have ever seen! The man sits back taking care of himself while a woman chases him?! Now I really really dislike coach. I have a feeling the only women he attracts are Barbie type ditzes who need a man. A smart, independent educated woman? Most likely not.
Dawn was may more classier and forgiving expressing her opinions, me not so much today. I'm tired,
What "scientific evidence" shows a woman becomes more interested when a man is unclear on his feelings? Are these peer reviewed evidence based scientific medically supported experiments?? I highly doubt it.
J- I have told you over and over again that you need to put the Fing books down and stop treating this like a job, a skill, or a science experiment. You need to be way more authentic and stop treating a beautiful woman like someone you earned because you get up and go to the gym at 5am and look good. People who chose not to use their time that way can attract physically attractive partners too. Drop the surface stuff, Be vulnerable but not stupid. Stop having dating be such a project. Just be authentic!~ If you are excited to see her, tell her! It's nice to hear! I find it about a kazillion times more attractive when men are clear about their feelings and aren't afraid to express them.
And when is the time right to date again? When you aren't dating for validation and because it is an addition to your already awesome life. ANd you should be pretty much completely over your ex.
There is a poster on newcomers who is clearly seeking validation from women when he isn't divorced, still holds a huge torch for his wife, and somehow all of a sudden pretends like he doesn't care about his wife because some hot professional woman is into him. That is not the time to date.
Ju...going against what I have read we havechatted every day this week either via text a couple of times a day and we did have 1 hr long phone conversation on Wednesday. She has started to initiate more with reaching out on Wed and this morning. So it does seem to be working where as before she was not initiating at all. I am just trying to find the balance because it really goes against everything I have read.
I bet if you never read this stuff, you wouldn't be questioning your communication. ANd it seems to be helping, not hurting, your communication.
R talks shouldn't be happening on the 6th date. Communicating more should however, and that is. So things are good right now. Relax!
Never read the book either. Just to expand on Dawns post...i think that any piece of advice that categorizes women in order to "manipulate" them in to liking them or sleeping with them or dating them is condescending.
OMG!!!!!! I would pull my hair out if I had any. It is not a pick-up book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's advising you to NOT say "i look forward to seeing you". Thats like, basic common courtesy. I would say that to anyone that i was meeting on a social visit. Hell, i would say that to the person i went on a job interview with.
If I ever go back on OLD, i am going to put in my profile...
"I do not have any strict criteria for a potential match. Just would like to meet someone that follows a strong moral compass, and does not follow any crazy dating books for men in order to get to know women"
Well I will start to tell her and let her know more about how I am feeling. As far as reaching out though I have been doing it once a day either in the morning or night depending on what I have going on. We usually exchange 3 or 4 messages back and forth. I just don’t want to blow up her phone and I am not sure what frequency she prefers. She is always quick to respond and when she initiated on wed night I asked if I could call her later which I did. Today we chatted a bit this morning, she asked how my oldest was doing but I haven’t spoken to her since. Just trying to find the balance.
Ok. Sorry LH19. I read up again. Coach did not say not to say "i look forward to seeing you". Who even advised against this?
I think it was a good analogy to compare dbing books to dating books. In hindsite, i dont think the DBing books were good for me. Quite opposite actually. They didnt quite apply to my situation, more to a marriage in trouble without a lying, scumbag, addict in the picture.
But i followed it because i was scared and desperate and didnt trust myself. I didnt trust myself. That was the issue.
To be successful in dating, i think one just has to have trust and faith in themselves. No rules. No recipes.
