Moving on onto the Bright side part 18

[LH19]

Dawn,

It's all good.

I knew we had things in common, I work with Scientists too. So you know how they are "just the facts mam" lol. Can you send me an example on how you feel he was being condescending to woman?

[Twofeet]

Spinning of of Don H statement how long should you be alone to know that your happy alone? Would dating be a good/or bad idea if you enjoy being along too much. Date to avoid being a hermit, to avoid walling up your vulnerabilities?

TF,
You don't have to date to avoid being a hermit, that's what GAL with friends is for even if it is a platonic relationship with a woman.

Trust me you will know. I think you need to give it a year because your's happened so fast.

LH,

I'm in no rush, just trying to understand things. I sit in my head a lot and think about every angle. It also doesn't help reading the adventures of J9. Dating sounds like work and a lot of fun.

[LH19]

Lol. Your time will come TF. It's a lot of work and fun. Yoga will prepare you for the ebs and flows.

[Dawn70]

Oh, I totally know the whole "just the facts, man" types. And, I also know that too many people say they are basing things on scientific fact when they pulled it out of their @ss. LOL Drives me crazy. This guy does seem to have ACTUAL scientific fact backing up stuff he says and that is a plus in my book.

To respond to your question, though, here is just one example that jumped out at me as I read through:

"In this book you will learn things that many women do not even understand about themselves. Why do women say they want one thing and then respond to another? Most important of all, I will teach you how to win the heart of the beautiful woman of your dreams. That is not a misprint. If you allow yourself to take my guidance and are willing to learn, I will give you the skills and tools to help you finally understand women and have the relationship of your dreams. The wonderful truth is that if you treat a woman properly and allow her to come to you at her own pace with minimal and simple actions on your part, she will do most of the chasing, calling, texting and pursuing! That allows you to focus on what’s most important in any man’s life, your mission and purpose!"

Now, before I tell you MY opinion, let me preface it with a few things. 1.) Again, this is MY opinion. I'm not asking anyone else to agree with it or embrace it or even acknowledge it in any way. This is how I read what the paragraph said. 2.) MY opinions are shaped by my life experiences and the person I am. 3.) I copied this directly from the text of the beginning of the book, so as NOT to take it out of context.

It just seems to me that he is saying women are wishy-washy and don't know what they want. It also seems that he's saying if you give a woman a little attention then she'll go all in and do all the work of getting with you so that you can focus on what REALLY matters (whatever that might be). That is MY interpretation, based on my own life experiences. I doubt that is your interpretation, LH, but then again, we are different people and different sexes so we approach things differently. There are several instances like this just throughout the parts I read that seemed as though he felt like women were just stupid. Sure there are women who don't know what they want or say they want one thing then end up with the total opposite, but there are certainly men who are that way as well.

Now, granted, when someone writes a book like this, there is a fair amount of generalization about things and I get that he's generalizing women because there are exceptions to every rule. It is human nature to generalize people: "all men do this", "all women say that", etc. But, to me, the tone of the book generalized women as being less intelligent and more emotional than men. Women DO tend to be more emotional (generally), but I don't think women tend to be less intelligent.

It was also off-putting to me how he spent a lot of time talking about the physical attributes and beauty of the women from his past and he talks about finding a beautiful woman over and over. This struck me specifically for a reason that I am very well aware of, but I just wanted to say "hey, look, dude, I get it...you hooked up with a bunch of hot chicks and that makes you feel like a stud, but there are women in this world who aren't necessarily physically beautiful who are every bit as amazing as your 5'2", 110 pound brunette in her short shorts that left all the dudes at your office drooling on themselves when she came to meet you for lunch." That phrase beauty is in the eye of the beholder kept smacking me in the face.

[LH19]

Dawn,

Fair enough and now I will give you my interpretation on what I think he means.

"In this book you will learn things that many women do not even understand about themselves. Why do women say they want one thing and then respond to another? Most important of all, I will teach you how to win the heart of the beautiful woman of your dreams. That is not a misprint. If you allow yourself to take my guidance and are willing to learn, I will give you the skills and tools to help you finally understand women and have the relationship of your dreams. The wonderful truth is that if you treat a woman properly and allow her to come to you at her own pace with minimal and simple actions on your part, she will do most of the chasing, calling, texting and pursuing! That allows you to focus on what’s most important in any man’s life, your mission and purpose!"

[quote=Dawn70] It just seems to me that he is saying women are wishy-washy and don't know what they want.

I think he means and I am sure you have experienced this yourself or maybe a friend, where a woman says "I just really would love to meet a nice guy". Then she meets a nice guy and then doesn't like him because he is too nice of a guy. Now granted all women are not like that but I think you know what I am talking about.

It also seems that he's saying if you give a woman a little attention then she'll go all in and do all the work of getting with you so that you can focus on what REALLY matters (whatever that might be).

I think he means let a woman come to you at her own pace. Meaning don't stalk her, blow up her phone, be the man and take the lead but let the attraction build at her pace. (This is where J struggles lol) He believes you should be doing something which is your passion and purpose that gets the juices flowing every morning. What woman doesn't find that attractive?

It was also off-putting to me how he spent a lot of time talking about the physical attributes and beauty of the women from his past and he talks about finding a beautiful woman over and over.

I have heard him many times saying that just because someone is beautiful and attractive to him doesn't mean they are to everyone else. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I totally get why you guys are against him. It would be the same as the WW finding out about DB. It feels inauthentic and gamy when really all it i is guidelines to hopefully understanding the man/woman dynamic.

[Dawn70]

Dawn,

Fair enough and now I will give you my interpretation on what I think he means.

I think he means and I am sure you have experienced this yourself or maybe a friend, where a woman says "I just really would love to meet a nice guy". Then she meets a nice guy and then doesn't like him because he is too nice of a guy. Now granted all women are not like that but I think you know what I am talking about.

Oh I totally know what you mean and I do know women like that. But I also know men like that, which is something else about the book that I don't like. I already addressed this in my previous response but I think it is WAY over-generalized and some things that he wants to pigeon-hole women for doing are things that are equally as prevalent among men, though he tends to overlook that.

I think he means let a woman come to you at her own pace. Meaning don't stalk her, blow up her phone, be the man and take the lead but let the attraction build at her pace. (This is where J struggles lol) He believes you should be doing something which is your passion and purpose that gets the juices flowing every morning. What woman doesn't find that attractive?

Fair enough. I don't disagree with your interpretation. But I still contend that it makes it sound like women should put the man first while the man should put everything else but her first.

I have heard him many times saying that just because someone is beautiful and attractive to him doesn't mean they are to everyone else. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I said the same thing "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". However, in this particular case, he painstakingly makes a point of describing physical attributes (height, weight, etc.) so he obviously finds small women very attractive. That is fine and some men would agree with him and some wouldn't. It is just the way he throws it in there over and over. This is a subtle one that I wouldn't think another man would even notice. And, I'm particularly sensitive to this one since I'm NOT a physically attractive woman. Someone on our board who is, like G or kml, might interpret this very differently.

I totally get why you guys are against him. It would be the same as the WW finding out about DB. It feels inauthentic and gamy when really all it i is guidelines to hopefully understanding the man/woman dynamic.

I'm not against him, per se. His target audience is obviously men. Because I'm not one, I see things differently. One of the other things that stuck out to me was where he talks about not taking advice on women from women because they can't even tell you what they want (paraphrasing) and it pisses women off sometimes to hear that. No, it doesn't piss me off so much as, again, just seems like you are coming across as a condescending jerk saying hey, women are stupid, don't listen to them. For me, I think I don't care for the book, as a whole, because it is just way over-generalized. I get that a book in that format kind of has to be because if he tried to be specific about every type of man and every type of woman in every potential situation, the book would be 10,000 pages long. But, in his generalizations, it always seems that the man comes out portrayed as the smarter, savvier, more pulled together part of the equation and that just isn't always the case.

Honestly, I don't disagree at all with any of your interpretations. You interpret from your own experiences and I interpret from mine and I think that is why we see them so differently. I would actually love to have a group of people (both men and women) read this book then do a book club style evaluation where everyone talked about their own interpretations because I think that would be every bit as educational as reading the book and helping to understand the male/female dynamic. I have learned a great deal from the things that you all have said about it. It is all very interesting, but as I have said many times, people just fascinate me.

[Dawn70]

Oh and as to your last comment about it feeling inauthentic and gamy....BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LH19]

Well Dawn if you can get me, you, G, J9, DH, JuJu and Andrew together it would be very entertaining to say the least.

Have a good weekend!

[LH19]

Oh and as to your last comment about it feeling inauthentic and gamy....BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You see I agree just like DB is in the beginning. Until it comes natural.

[Dawn70]

Well Dawn if you can get me, you, G, J9, DH, JuJu and Andrew together it would be very entertaining to say the least.

Have a good weekend!

LOL...I have had NO luck in figuring out how to find anyone IRL. I am the world's worst with hints (both giving and receiving) so that I don't know if I can make that happen, but if I can ever figure it out, I'll definitely take you up on it. It would totally be entertaining. I'll have to think on that.

You have a good weekend as well.

Sorry for all the hijacks, J9...hope your weekend is good too!