I read another girls profile that said "If your hot drop me a note and lets talk". Make no mistake women might try to hide it more than a man but they can be just as superficial.
I'm not disputing that women can be every bit as shallow as men, but I wouldn't necessarily say that anyone is trying to "hide" it. I can assure you that about 99% of the men I encountered should have just put "No fat chicks" as their headline and be done with it. I can't tell you how many men I talked to that I had a relatively pleasant exchange with until they looked at my picture then they would either ghost me or be a complete douche bag about it.
I only ever encountered one guy that I thought handled it in a good way. He pretty much said "no fat chicks" in the beginning of his profile, but the way he wrote the whole thing was just very funny and not at all offensive. So, I sent him a message and I told him straight up that I WAS a fat chick, so I was not messaging him in hopes of meeting or dating or even continuing to talk further, but that I just wanted him to know that I appreciate the humor with which he handled letting his preferences known without being a jerk about it. He sent me back a very nice message thanking me for my candor and we actually exchanged messages for awhile...just a quick hi how are you, how's dating going kind of thing on occasion. Last I heard, he'd met a really nice girl (very fit and pretty) and he seems very happy, so good for him.
I don't have an issue with people having a type and being open about that type and if someone is shallow, well, then that is on them, but what I DO have an issue with is people who just don't have common courtesy or decency and are just rude to people who don't fit their type. I mean, I PREFER tall guys because I'm tall (5'11"), but that doesn't mean that I'm going to make fun of some guy who reaches out to me because he's 5'5".
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I will also say that the DR and I are playing a little Mexican standoff with each other. I believe she is waiting for me to engage more frequently, chat with her more frequently. I think she is waiting for me to emotionally invest before she will let her guard down to reciprocate. Just a hunch because in person we are both very touchy feely with each other. We sit next to each other at dinner, she puts her legs on me, I have my arm around her, we were constantly touching each other during axe throwing and it is definitely a two way street.
So outside of the dates the emotional investment has not begun because she is not actively reaching out to me yet and I have not been with her either. She did one time on Sat morning and then responded to my text on Sunday morning then I responded back. We have not had any other interaction since yday morning. The book says 1 call and 1 date per week until the woman starts to initiate because eventually they will get tired of only hearing from you 1 time per week. As their interest increases they will eventually start to reach out, they will get tired of the 1 time per week as they want to bond and connect with you more frequently.
She says text more but how has the worked out for the other guys? They haven't made it past the 3 month mark.
She didn't specifically say that but her longest relationship was 3 months. I assume she has been on plenty of dates Don't get me wrong she is extremely good looking, I was surveying the scene on Saturday night as we walked in and guys were definitely looking. One guy even winked at me
This thread is so much fun to read, because it goes off in so many directions. You have the over analyzation from J, which i really think he enjoys. It keeps his mind busy. From the female shaming of men, to the women are not like this attitude from the women.
J, as far as her level of attraction, as long as she keeps accepting dates that means she is interested. just remember reward her for good behavior and withdraw your attention when she displays bad behavior.
The " I suppose there are superficial women out there", is the equivalent of saying "I suppose there are horny men out there."
Deja vu post about dating and her reaction, I saw that as a big crap test that many women do without knowing they are actually doing it. Trying to shame a man for how he thinks instead of just accepting that men think differently and are not as emotional as women.
Then LH trying to rationalize his words and thought to her. hehehe you failed the test. Also Andrew responding with the its a some guys thing, which is also placating to her frame of mind.
People have their attractions, its why they call it attractions.
as for me all women look sexy, doesnt mean i want to sleep with everyone of them. If women dont want to look sexy then they wouldnt be putting on high heel shoes, makeup and other things to increase their sexiness. Doesnt mean I am out there doing cat calls, but I will turn around and smile when I find a woman who i think is sexy looking. If you dont want to look sexy then cover up, and if you dont want to cover up then dont try to deny me of being a man and having thoughts.
I am sure many people will lambaste me, and I will cheerfully read any responses.
Rex
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
Yo R - The Dr and I got into this conversation at dinner on Saturday night. She has botox, lip injections, and has had a boob job. She told me she does these things to make herself feel more comfortable and confident with herself. I argued with her that it might be true but there is a larger picture that men will notice (which is claims she doesn't pay attention to so I called BS). She then tried to put it back on me and said isn't that why you work out. I said yes it give me confidence which also helps with the ladies. I am not denying that then I said "When you put your OLD profile out there and you get 50 likes in 1 day how does that make you feel?" Does that give you instant validation? She just smiled. I said see there is a larger picture that while you might not want to admit it is true.
I will also say that the DR and I are playing a little Mexican standoff with each other. I believe she is waiting for me to engage more frequently, chat with her more frequently. I think she is waiting for me to emotionally invest before she will let her guard down to reciprocate. .....
So outside of the dates the emotional investment has not begun because she is not actively reaching out to me yet and I have not been with her either.
J,
Your still mind reading and thinking thats what the other guys did and it didnt work out for them. How do you know they texted more often than you, thats right she TOLD you. Remember dont believe anything they say and half of what they do. If she tells you about other guys just respond, I know we are still seeing other people, but I want my time with you to be just about you. No need to get jealous or bash them, be above that and dont let it bother you.
How will you feel if she doesnt want an emotional investment? She may just love attention and dating, but isnt ready for a serious relationship. All those enhancements would be a small red flag for me. Not enough to scare me away, but I would definately look closer and pay more attention.
Rex
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
Yeah I haven't said anything and truthfully I don't know what she is looking for. There have been no R talks and my profile is still up as is hers. She does seem to be feeling me out with the questions she has asked but nothing specific has come up about us specifically. I did ask me what my 10 yr plan was. The first time I have been asked that question.
If she doesn't then that is fine with me. I haven't made one in her yet either.
This thread is so much fun to read, because it goes off in so many directions. You have the over analyzation from J, which i really think he enjoys. It keeps his mind busy. From the female shaming of men, to the women are not like this attitude from the women.
J, as far as her level of attraction, as long as she keeps accepting dates that means she is interested. just remember reward her for good behavior and withdraw your attention when she displays bad behavior.
The " I suppose there are superficial women out there", is the equivalent of saying "I suppose there are horny men out there."
Deja vu post about dating and her reaction, I saw that as a big crap test that many women do without knowing they are actually doing it. Trying to shame a man for how he thinks instead of just accepting that men think differently and are not as emotional as women.
Then LH trying to rationalize his words and thought to her. hehehe you failed the test. Also Andrew responding with the its a some guys thing, which is also placating to her frame of mind.
People have their attractions, its why they call it attractions.
as for me all women look sexy, doesnt mean i want to sleep with everyone of them. If women dont want to look sexy then they wouldnt be putting on high heel shoes, makeup and other things to increase their sexiness. Doesnt mean I am out there doing cat calls, but I will turn around and smile when I find a woman who i think is sexy looking. If you dont want to look sexy then cover up, and if you dont want to cover up then dont try to deny me of being a man and having thoughts.
I am sure many people will lambaste me, and I will cheerfully read any responses.
Rex
Actually, Rex, while I don't normally agree with you, in this particular case, I agree with a lot of what you said. There are tons of superficial people out there, both men and women. And, I agree, that if a man "dresses it up" so to speak and puts it out there, I'm gonna look. Isn't that the whole point? I won't go so far as to say I agree with that whole "boys will be boys" attitude, but I do think that when women put themselves on display, whether they do it for their own confidence or to attract a man's attention, men are going to look. Just like when a man dresses nice and shows off a little, a woman is going to look.
I continue to maintain that EVERYONE is different and while we all give our reactions based on our own personal experiences, I think we all tend to generalize both men and women. Most of the women in my life tend to be very strong, confident women. There are some women in my circle who would be considered very beautiful by society's standards and there are some women who would be considered very unattractive by society's standards, but they are all strong and confident in themselves, so in general, they don't fit the mold that some of the men say "all" women fit into, anymore than all men fit into the same mold. From that standpoint, I actually agree with what Andrew said and I don't think all men necessarily think the same way some of the posts are written.
I also agree with you that I enjoy reading this thread because it goes in so many different directions. The other thing that I constantly remind myself when I read it is that I don't know any of you IRL so I can only "know" you based on the tone of your writing and let's face it, that leaves a LOT of room for speculation and mind-reading, which we all know can be a very bad thing. LOL
Originally Posted by rexgm
J,
Your still mind reading and thinking thats what the other guys did and it didnt work out for them. How do you know they texted more often than you, thats right she TOLD you. Remember dont believe anything they say and half of what they do. If she tells you about other guys just respond, I know we are still seeing other people, but I want my time with you to be just about you. No need to get jealous or bash them, be above that and dont let it bother you.
How will you feel if she doesnt want an emotional investment? She may just love attention and dating, but isnt ready for a serious relationship. All those enhancements would be a small red flag for me. Not enough to scare me away, but I would definately look closer and pay more attention.
Rex
TOTALLY agree with the first part of what you said. I think J9's over-analytical mind leads him down that path of mind-reading. You have NO idea if texting more would help or hurt. You are not those other men so why bother thinking about what happened to them based on what they did or didn't do? It doesn't matter!
I find it interesting, though, Rex that in a previous post you talked about all women being sexy and if they put on make-up and are looking good, you are going to look but then in this post you say all the cosmetic enhancements would be a little bit of a red flag. I'm sure you have a very good reason for that and I'm not even trying to question your reason because it is yours. It just seems a tad contradictory to me.
It's all very interesting, though. I absolutely love you all sharing your different perspective and being willing to openly discuss it. It is just fascinating to me.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Yikes... this sounds exhausting. J9 - Not sure I would follow that book of yours so closely. I think you should just be you and if that isn't what she is looking for, oh well... TBH...it does sound like you are in a bit of a stand off. Do you like her enough to take a chance at being the one to end it (the stand off)?
Rex... Don't think I was trying to shame anyone... just making an observation. And I wasn't testing anyone. I'm sure there are women out there with a grocery list of requirements. I'm not one of them. I'm honestly just not a fan of the calculated approach to dating. It feels too much like a hunter going after his prey. I don't know... maybe it's just me. Clearly I am not ready to date.
Don't get me wrong she is extremely good looking, I was surveying the scene on Saturday night as we walked in and guys were definitely looking. One guy even winked at me