This morning I told my W. "I know this as much of an uncomfortable topic for you as it is for me but in the very near future, we are going to have to have a conversation about our future. My shift assignment will be changing in a few months and depending on what we decide, will determine what assignment I will decide to put in for."
I think this is still giving too much power to her. If it were me, I would make a plan based on what I thought was best and then discuss that with W. The way you have this worded puts a lot of pressure onto her for the decision for YOUR career. What is important to you? What do you want? In the meantime, what do you need from her to make this happen?
It seems clear she isnt interested in being your partner right now. So why does your job depend on her?
The assignments last approximately 3 years. I took a desk job so I could have nights and weekends off for sons games. Another assignment may be nights and 12 hr shifts or more weekday hours. For visitation, if we separate I would take 12 hr shifts to have more days off for daughter. I could stay on weekday days and still have nights off. For the family as a whole, the desk jobs are better. As far as career goals, I'm still working those options out with supervisors. A lot of variables involved.
I'm glad you responded. It does put more control and pressure on W. I have a lot to think about. I don't want to walk out on son and daughter. I hate giving up my time with them for my needs in the relationship.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
This morning I told my W. "I know this as much of an uncomfortable topic for you as it is for me but in the very near future, we are going to have to have a conversation about our future. My shift assignment will be changing in a few months and depending on what we decide, will determine what assignment I will decide to put in for."
This is where the "Nice Guy" or "Bad Boy" question came from.
The Nice Guy: "Wife, what should we do?" The bad boy: "Wife, I decided to accept XYZ position"
So if you were always the nice guy with Wife, 180 would be Bad Boy attributes.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
This morning I told my W. "I know this as much of an uncomfortable topic for you as it is for me but in the very near future, we are going to have to have a conversation about our future. My shift assignment will be changing in a few months and depending on what we decide, will determine what assignment I will decide to put in for."
I think this is still giving too much power to her. If it were me, I would make a plan based on what I thought was best and then discuss that with W. The way you have this worded puts a lot of pressure onto her for the decision for YOUR career. What is important to you? What do you want? In the meantime, what do you need from her to make this happen?
It seems clear she isnt interested in being your partner right now. So why does your job depend on her?
This morning I told my W. "I know this as much of an uncomfortable topic for you as it is for me but in the very near future, we are going to have to have a conversation about our future. My shift assignment will be changing in a few months and depending on what we decide, will determine what assignment I will decide to put in for."
This is where the "Nice Guy" or "Bad Boy" question came from.
The Nice Guy: "Wife, what should we do?" The bad boy: "Wife, I decided to accept XYZ position"
So if you were always the nice guy with Wife, 180 would be Bad Boy attributes.
For me, I was certainly always a "Nice Guy" before. i certainly dont have that "Bad Boy" attitude. But Im much closer to the middle now.
So, based on your example, I would sit down with W and say something like "As you may know, my assignment is up at XXX. Im interested in pursuing an assignment that does YYY and ZZZ. Do you have any thoughts?"
I feel like as your W, she should be involved to some degree. But it is your career and you should have ownership. So figure out your best case scenario and propose that as a starting point. It isnt a joint decision....it's your decision to which you will listen to her input.
This morning I told my W. "I know this as much of an uncomfortable topic for you as it is for me but in the very near future, we are going to have to have a conversation about our future. My shift assignment will be changing in a few months and depending on what we decide, will determine what assignment I will decide to put in for."
This is where the "Nice Guy" or "Bad Boy" question came from.
The Nice Guy: "Wife, what should we do?" The bad boy: "Wife, I decided to accept XYZ position"
So if you were always the nice guy with Wife, 180 would be Bad Boy attributes.
To quote neffer: This be a headshot!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
W got home in a good mood. I'm laid up after back shot and sitting in bed with an ice pack. She sits down next to me and opens her texts, email, and social media email. She NEVER looks at her phone where I can see her screen.
She asks what I want for dinner and I tell her to warm up some leftover BBQ and chop it up for tacos. Then comes back and asks the best way to warm up meat.
BIL called me today to ask how W and I are doing. I haven't spoken to him in a few weeks if not a month. He asked about the coach and I tell him about the 180 body language change in them. He was aware of the coach early on when I first became suspicious. His take on it was positive. He says she is respecting me by not taking part in a friendship with him anymore. He has been very suspicious of their friendship due to his first marriage ending due to an emotional friend his wife had. He is now married to my W's sister.
I'm not looking for responses. Just venting. Doctor office wait was brutal on the emotions today.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
