Just starting! Need some emotional support! #2

[Stryk2]

I believe you have multiple parallel paths:


1) Parenting
2) Seduction and Attraction
3) Prepare for divorce
4) Bust the EA


#4 - I would do everything in my power NOT TO SUPPORT it. Any ideas on how you are supporting it now?

I don't understand.

[Ready2Change]

Fisrt, I would find a different coach. I definitely would not be giving this man any money.

If that is not an option, I would attend ALL the events.

[Stryk2]

Ready,

Thanks for your advice. The team is a feeder team for my son's college path. We pay for tourneys and travel. Coach in return gets experience for his career path of coaching up the ranks.

W and son had gone to a few tourneys by themselves. When I went to a local one, I noticed the body language. I started traveling with W and son and witnessed confirmation of the EA. I started investigating and saw that he did not travel to the tourneys I did not go to but there were phone calls and texts between W, son, and coach.

At another game, I texted wife to see how the son was doing. W took a long time to respond then gave me a short text to the effect he was doing fine. Then I saw a social media post from the coach with a bunch of details of how my son was doing and a picture of my son. I knew her and the coach was communicating. I was livid and texted her where the coach had got the photo. She said she sent it to the coach without apology. We had quite the discussion by text and she said the coach had a lot invested in our son and deserved to know how he was doing. When she returned home, I confronted her about what I have been noticing and my feelings about the coach and her behavior. Then I found about all the money being spent on the team travel and fees. That's when i got the BD.

[Ready2Change]

Understood.

[Stryk2]

W never admitted to the EA and said I was overthinking everything and was being ridiculous. After BD I went into pursuit mode for a while. Made all the mistakes everyone makes. For the last few months, I've been giving her space. There were other factors like work and finances that led to BD but some if not most of the pressure has been relieved. The finances have still been an issue.

W and coaches body language also did a 180. They are aware of my body language abilities and try to hide it now. W no longer communicates with the coach as much. She does ask son what the coach says about his play when I'm not in the room. She went on a social media fog for a bit but seems to be coming out of it. I think she was looking for that excitement she got from the coach with other men on social media. I told her that was also inappropriate.

Boundaries were set on some things and now we are in limbo.

[Stryk2]

This morning I told my W. "I know this as much of an uncomfortable topic for you as it is for me but in the very near future, we are going to have to have a conversation about our future. My shift assignment will be changing in a few months and depending on what we decide, will determine what assignment I will decide to put in for."

[Stryk2]

I did F up. While getting D's teeth brushed, I was at W's sink. W came up to grab a brush and I went for a kiss. She sighed and I stopped and didn't follow through. I regretted it immediately. Dang those temp checks! Dang, it!

[SteveLW]

Stryk, you got bucked off the horse's back. No since on dwelling on it. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back up on the horse.

[Stryk2]

You are correct Steve. I'm back on. Lesson learned. Since this will probably be a fork in the road, I have to be aware of my urge to temp check beforehand.

[Stryk2]

What do you think of the statement I made to W? I've been sitting on this for a few weeks. After reading some boundary threads, I felt as if I needed to get the conversation of my career path started. We have always talked about my assignments as a couple. This decision feels much different from prior ones. We have a lot of unknowns that will definitely affect my decision. Childcare, hours, possibly visitation, and overtime availability.

I definitely didn't want to force the marriage talk but I felt I have to make a decision regarding my future at work.

Any ideas on how I validate when she is ready to talk? I believe I forced her hand. She doesn't want to be the bad guy and end the marriage and is waiting for me to do it.