W did not like me dropping her off at the sports meeting and leaving her without a car. When she came home to pick me up, she immediately started in with attitude. Puts her purse in the back and walks inside the house with a long sigh. Before we leave, I ask if she has everything, I knew she forgot her binder for the meeting. Annoyed she says wait! And walks back into the house with another sigh. She tells me it was bath night for daughter and I asked how long the meeting was going to be. She responded, not very long with a tone. I responded, I will give her a bath but I will need to know when you will be done if I need her out and dressed by the time she gets done so I can pick her up.
We have to buy some drinks for the team and stop by the supermarket. I knew she was already annoyed so I dropped her off in front. She let out a loud sigh. If I would have gotten out and unbuckled daughter she would have been annoyed too so it was a lose-lose situation. I parked near the front and waited. When she came out, she looked around and spotted me. Annoyed again on where I parked she rolls her neck and eyes. I get out and she gets in the car while I load the heavy drinks. We get to the meeting and I back up the car to the building. Again she is annoyed because of where I parked. I ask where the drinks go and she says, just let me get them. You don't know where to take them. She grabs 1 of 2 boxes and walks inside. I put box 2 on the ground outside the car. When she comes back for box 2, I tell her to text before she is ready. She asked where I was going and I responded that I didn't know yet. I knew I was going to Home Depot. She says, ill be done about the same time, (again with attitude.)
I take d to home depot and to eat. We get home and I get d in the bath. Son gets home and I know I have about an hour since meeting starts after practice gets out. Son tells me he left his mom the car and got a ride home. W is home within 15 minutes and is like nothing was wrong. D is dressed and I'm combing her hair. Wife says, let me show you an easy way to put her hair into a ponytail. Wife is pleasant and compliments me on the ponytail after she combs it.
D sits on the couch with W and I go out to the garage to open the tools I bought. D opens the garage door and W follows. W asked what I bought and what I planned to do with them. She asks in a way that actually sounded as if she was interested. I tell her my plan and tell her I used gift cards I had been saving, 1 of which she gave me. (In February for my birthday before BD.)
D starts to describe what we did at the house store (home depot) and we had fun. Wife laughs and asks her more questions because D was so cute explaining what I told her I was buying. I go into tuck D into bed and wife gets in bed. W tells me she may have a late meeting tomorrow. I tell her I'll drop my work car at her work and get her car to pick up D then pick her up when she's done. She says she will let me know since the meeting starts after another meeting and it depends on when the first meeting ends. I walk out and back into the garage to write this.
My question is about how I handled the attitude. I know she was trying to goat me into an argument with the attitude and I didn't bite. The whole time I was telling myself not to react but another part of me wanted to stand up for myself and not take it like a weakling. <---- not the word I wanted to use.
In hindsight, I should have validated somehow but I didn't know how or what to say to her attitude. Any suggestions?
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
By the way, I found out baseball coach started a new travel ball team and my S will be on it. That means more weekend trips with the coach. I know my son needs the experience with more talented teams but it also means W will be around him even more and I won't always be there. I know I can't control it but man is it discouraging. It will also cost about $1000 bucks a weekend and more debt because we don't have any extra cash after bills!
Last edited by Stryk2; 09/20/1806:22 AM.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
FIL called me again last night. He's worried about our finances. I'm like no $h1f. But I told him it's not his problem and not to worry about it. He knows that if we S, W will not be able to keep up financially. Again I was like no $h1f. But said, we weren't going to be able to fix W spending. Especially on son. He said the account they share is all food, shopping, and misc stuff. Again, I know. He wants to confront her about money because she owes him from other loans.
I don't know what to tell him about that.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Be glad you have some inlaws that support you Stryk. My W's family has her thinking she is the greatest daughter, mom, business woman, W, etc. Its painfully obvious they were estranged during our M. They have no clue. Not 1 of them even questioned if its true that she was having an A, or asked her what in the hell is she doing.
You may have addressed it, but how is the rest of her family with you?
Last edited by equalzr; 09/20/1811:33 PM.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
In-laws love me. SIL and her husband love me. SIL's husband is divorced from a previous marriage and is telling me to get out due to his previous divorce being ugly.
Inlaws offered to pay for marriage counseling but W declined. SIL is a marriage counselor and has given recommendations to both of us for couples and individual counseling. I can't afford to go on my own.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Thats cool that you have them supporting you. My fil does somewhat and he appreciates how patient ive been with W, but afaik he hasnt confronted her on what shes done to her family, and hes a man of God.
That said, i know OM has spent significant time with W's family. My famoly would have verbslly handed me my @$$ if i did this to my W and family.
Last edited by equalzr; 09/20/1811:44 PM.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
All the support in the world doesn't help the R or M. It helps me know I'm a good man, father, and husband.
They have tried to talk to W without results. FIL has been an enabler with fallback money for her whole life. He says not this time but, he won't let his grandkids go without. He will help her financially when she needs it.
I believe W is waiting me out. Waiting for me to give up on R and leave so she doesn't have to be the bad guy and admit to people she left. It's been at least 6 months without intimacy I think. I can't remember the last time. It gets harder every day. This limbo is hard. Being without a daughter will be harder but the lack of R is wearing me down. Tomorrow is football game for S. Getting through the workday has gotten easier. Her solo sorority reunion is in a few weeks. I try not to think about it. Although she has gone when we first started dating, this trip seems different since we aren't in a secure relationship.
I have an early morning and a long night tomorrow.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
In-laws love me. SIL and her husband love me. SIL's husband is divorced from a previous marriage and is telling me to get out due to his previous divorce being ugly.
Inlaws offered to pay for marriage counseling but W declined. SIL is a marriage counselor and has given recommendations to both of us for couples and individual counseling. I can't afford to go on my own.
They love her more, trust me. I had a great relationship with my inlaws fall to nothing but lies and excuses from some upstanding people.
Have you learned something new about the coach situation?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
