So the weekend comes to an end. I went to Lowe's twice this weekend to get supplies for a couple projects. Both times the area was closed off. Didn't get my project started. I was able to spend a lot of time with D. She and I did some man cave stuff. Reminds me of my time with my dad in the garage listening to sports. She enjoyed every bit of it. She hates taking baths but she had so much fun she took one every night. W sent several selfies at her lay overs with the caption "I love you (daughters name)" then several of my son and her as well as the school sights. I noticed she took them with the Snapchat tags so I assume she is snapchatting again.
My son picked the school his baseball coach was pushing for. This is the same coach I believe my wife was having feelings for. So it's a bitter sweet feeling my son picked the school. My son has no idea about the feelings my wife was having for coach since the has a young, beautiful fiance. A fiance who has a really good job and the coach doesn't wake up till noon. I believe my wife fell for the zero responsibilities he has and he is really young. Oh well.
They will be home soon. I have to wait up with D so she is awake for their arrival. Part of me wants to know about the trip and part of me wants to get busy doing anything else.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
W and S came home and my Daughter was already falling asleep. Son gave us some souvenirs and wife bought me the wrong size shirt. She said she thought I wore a smaller size since I lost weight. She puts D to bed, showers and meets me in the office. Says she is going to bed but sits down. I ask about the weekend and she tells me in detail about practically everything about the visit. Since I was doing my best to validate, I don't know what to get back in response. She finally says, I don't want to get up tomorrow. I responded, "I can see how you can feel that way. It was a long weekend". She was caught of guard and said "what?" I didn't respond and she said, I can't even get up. After a few seconds she got up and walked out. No goodnight or anything. I'm done with my report due in the morning so off to bed I go as well.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Wait, why do you think it backfired? Because of her reaction? If you are basing your success or failure on her reaction then you are doomed to fail in DBing.
Your 180 was in validating her feelings on not wanting to get up in the morning. I assume by her reaction that was a 180 for you.
Listen. Validate. Ignore her reaction.
Your validation and then you not reacting to her reaction brought a proper close to your discussion last night. Trust me, the fact that you validated her feelings had an effect on her. Even if her reaction wasn't what you wanted (again, you should have no expectations, a primary principle of DBing).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve85, I think my reply was misleading. I only know when I do wrong in general. I dont think I did anything wrong last night. I dont expect much from her at this point. She doesnt react much anyways. Most of her demeanor is like she is in a world of thought or on social media or games.
I haven't got to 180 in the book so I'm only doing what I read on these blogs.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Thanks for the replies, I need this feedback. Glad you all think I'm doing good. It doesn't feel like it. I'm a problem solver and this goes against my gut. This limbo and 180 is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I'm hoping it will be easier than living separately from my daughter. And family for that matter.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Boy, I haven't even had time to read or post on this board. I've taken on a little more at work so there is no downtime for negative thoughts. Makes the day go by faster. Then dinner, playtime with D and bed for her. Then it's to the computer for a little side job action for extra in case money or truck down payment.
W wrote a long post on social media about sons successful trip and tagged me and sons bio-dad. W thanks all of those who helped him along the way but doesn't mention who including me. Ok, it's about her and son so I don't fuss or let it bother me. At least she tagged me, right? Funny enough, Baseball coach texts me this morning to congratulate me about sons successful trip. I've read his body language for months and I see his uncomfortable body language around me. W's body and his body language speak volumes to me when we are within a hundred yards of each other. I see them both doing their best not to notice each other. Wife is hypersensitive of me being able to read the slightest of signals. He usually acts as if he just noticed me and walks over to shake my hand. W then immediately finds someone to talk to and walks away like 2 positive sides of a magnet repelling each other. He must know I know but is acting as if there wasn't ever anything inappropriate going on. The fact that she has done a complete 180 with how she acted before I confronted her and now tells me I was right and she told him I was on to them. I returned his text with the usual cordial appreciation for his comments. He starts telling me about how good of a job I've done as a father and I should be proud of how I raised our son. It took everything I have not to respond in a sarcastic way about being a good husband!
Going to drop off W at a meeting tomorrow so I can run to lowes or home depot and walk around with D and not be stuck at home without transportation.
I know I shouldn't be reading their body language but it's a hard talent or curse to turn off. Son has no idea and talks about coach daily. My wife squirms every time his name is said.
Oh, I almost forgot. Yesterday W needed a form printed out so I told her to email it to me. I went to the computer and opened my email. She followed and I thought nothing of it. As I waited for her email to come in, I noticed the email alert from divorce busting at the bottom of the screen. I quickly closed the window and acted as if the screen froze. I have no idea if she saw it but all I could think about was the instruction to clean my browser history and not let W know I was trying DB. If sage did notice she did a marvelous job disguising it. Daughter saved me and pulled W out and I quickly deleted the notification. Whew! I think.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Stryk2 all the best to you brother wish I had some solid advice I feel for your problem but I am dealing with my own issues, know that you have my support bro hang in.
