Brave Little Gerda Trods On -- My Faith Journey

[Gerda]

Job, you are such a good mama/auntie/sister to us all. Thank you for always being there with clarity, strength, gentle truth prods and your very open heart.

[Gordie]

Gerda

How are you

[DnJ]

(((Gerda)))

I understand.

[job]

Gerda,

I do not think anyone sees you as a sad sack. When a poster comes to the forum, it is their choice to select what they can use in their situation and what they can just ignore of leave here. That is the beauty of the forums. Sometimes we do not like what we hear, so just thank the person and go on about our merry way.

As for not being able to connect w/people off the forum, well, there are many reasons for this. This is a safe place for people to come, post what is on their minds w/o worrying about the people in IRL judging the posters and gossiping about what is happening in their lives w/o the spouses/partners getting wind of the conversations and using it against them. Some of the IRL support groups are the same way. It's safer for all who go to the meetings and they feel more comfortable opening up and talking. If the forum allowed us to give out personal information, people would be a bit more hesitant in sharing some of their life experiences. So, yes, I can understand the rules of conduct here more than most. I've went down that road many years ago by the sharing of personal contact info, etc.

Gerda, I generally do not discuss religion or politics very much on here because they are personal choices that posters make in the lives, however, I wanted to just say that you have a very strong faith. A faith that has guided you along the way. God does not turn his back on his children. However, he also wants us to learn the life's lessons that he provides us and do the necessary work to be good Christians and share the knowledge of what we have learned along the way and he does not want us to sit still and not do the necessary work to take care of ourselves and our families. Gerda, I think that at times, you are pushing too hard to find the answers. I have always stated "sit quietly, and the answers will come". God does not give us what we want when we want it. He gives us what we need on his time table. He will reveal the answers you are seeking when you least expect it.

Just my two cents.

[Gerda]

I am stopping back in though I had planned to leave for a while because yesterday I got served with divorce papers. Stuck under my door with no envelope where all our renters and my children could have seen.

The list of demands includes 100% custody of the kids (yes, not joking), child support,alimony,half of all assets, no mention of debt, and suggestion that I use my maiden name.

I don't need anyone to tell me to protect myself or any of that advice. I just need some love, some hope.

I knew that the alien he is right now thought he hated me but I just never thought it was this bad. I thought he just wanted money. But he wants to destroy me, to take everything from me, even my name.

I know that he can't and that there could be years of court. But the fact that he wants to destroy me has destroyed me. I am a walking wound the past two days, can't eat or sleep or think, my body feels pumped full of battery acid. It's a BD 4 not just about him leaving but about him wanting to destroy me.

When I came home tonight and saw him laughing and smiling with my daughter on the couch, I felt like I was going to throw up.

And even though we know it's not about us, I still can't understand it. He has this delusion about the money, yes, but still, at home I am kind and caring and generous. I get a little stiff or hide in my room but nothing to warrant evil like that.

As far as I can tell, he has no plans to move out until he gets his money. (And I don't need any advice there, I am doing what I can but my main goal right now is about keeping my children with me.)

Please send love and understanding. I am a wreck.

[Kyh]

(((Gerda))) I’m sorry about the papers and what he is trying to do. No advice, but having been there I just wanted to say it will get better and you will be okay. Keeping you and your kids in my thoughts and prayers.

[DnJ]

(((Gerda)))

Oh my, you must be a wreck.

The demands - Wow! He is way off the rails.

When you arrived here a few months ago, you did not want any advice. I thought, Ok I will respect her wishes. Over time I believe we have become good friends. We’ve exchanged much advice. I am honouring your wishes again.

You have given much good advice and touched many lives. Look back at all the people that have responded to your posts. You are loved. You are respected.

You know me and my situation. You know my hopes, my beliefs, my view on expectations. So...

Gerda I fully expect you to heal and thrive from this. You will. Your faith is strong, your heart is strong, your mind is strong - you have a good soul.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Gerda.

If you want or need - just ask.

DnJ

[Gerda]

Thanks to you both for the kind words.

Yes, I am a wreck.

DnJ, you are always very gentle with your advice. If you have something you want to advise, go for it.

I guess what I am struggling with now, besides physical collapse, is the ability to still be kind to him. Knowing that he would allow this demand list, to be wanting to leave me completely alone without my children and nameless and penniless, I can't look at him anymore, let alone be kind. But he is in this house and our kids can see that. I have always been kind to him and friendly no matter what he did. Now I am not sure how to get through even the next days, knowing how evil he has become and knowing that I will have to participate in this disgusting battle that is exactly what I was trying to avoid.

[job]

Gerda,

I am so sorry to come here and read what has happened. I know that you mentioned that you didn't want advice, but I'm going to give you some tidbits that you may already know...but can still use.

It's going to be difficult to act as normal as possible, but dig deep for patience and lean on your faith to help you do this. The less you react to what has transpired the better. Your h is actually following much of the script and in his mind, he needs to destroy everything good in his life because he feels that nothing is good, including himself.
He is going to be looking for your reaction and he, deep down, needs a justification for what he's done.

His demands are "off the wall" and I can't see him getting full custody. Whatever you do, do not try to discuss his demands w/him...it will make him even more hateful at this time. Discuss your situation w/your lawyer and allow him/her to do the dirty work for you in advising his lawyer of what your thoughts are on his client's demands.

Gerda, sending you warm and positive thoughts today. I wish I lived closer for I would come over and give you a huge hug. It's never easy, especially when you have the spouse still living under the same roof.

[DnJ]

Good morning Gerda

I can see your struggle. It will take a few days to find your feet - again. A decision has been made, maybe you will eventually even say finally. This like everything else is not what you wanted, so far from it.

I do remember the state of confusion and disbelief BD causes. You are on number 4. You know you can get through this, even if it doesn’t seem like it currently.

Some gentle advice in no paticular order.

See a lawyer. You don’t want to participate in this battle, let the L do it. Yes you are still in it, but let the L do their job and get you what you want / need - like custody, financial protection, and freedom from this MLC drain.

Let others and listen to others advice. You don’t have to follow it, you certainly don’t have to follow mine either. Information is power and having different points of view available gives you great power. You can and will know you made a better decision. Most times it does not change your decision, just confirms you are on the right track. If some is less desirable, that is ok, atleast they cared enough to speak up. Advice counter to your thoughts and/or beliefs is a great time to re-evaluate and change them or re-enforce your beliefs. Either way you will gain.

Last for now, and one I have not shared with you, maybe I was scared. God answers all prayers. Sometimes the answer is no. Most times the answer is what we need not what we want. I prayed for strength and then found it by fighting my way through this convoluted quagmire we find ourselves in, I really wanted that strength in an easier manner. I guess it would not be true strength then, and not part of who I am.

I, like you pray for God guidance, how do you see him answering you? It took a leap of faith for me to realize He is speaking through others - their suggestions, their advice. Do not dismiss His word. He is answering you.

You are not to follow everything blindly either, sometimes it is meant not to be followed, perhaps a test of your convictions. Other times it is a test of your faith. That free will of our’s does make getting His word a bit tricky. Don’t worry, if you make a mistake, actually I think / believe we are supposed to, you can always undo and go a different route (even our lost MLCers can find their way to another path) it is how you truely learn the lessons you need.

You have a difficult road ahead of you. I and others would be happy to walk it with you, in whatever fashion you require.

(((Gerda)))

DnJ