I have started redoing the house, so a lot of my time lately has been spent out looking for different pieces and putting things together. I exercise a lot. I also work full time and have the baby. I went out with friends this past Friday which was a big change for me, as I hadnt done that in a while.
Youre right, I am trying to look for signs and signals in EVERYTHING he says. It makes me crazy. I dont know how to respond to anything at all. Its so hard
I have decided to make this (that we just bought together a yr and a half ago), into the most zen, comfortable, happy place for my daughter and I. It hasnt felt like home for a while so im going room by room redoing them.
Im determined to love living here, whether if he ends up here or not.
That is a great way to take charge of your life and your space! What an excellent project!
I am not into decorating or decor at all, but I am trying to at least put up all new artwork (mainly my own photography from my summer trip as well as some nice posters of cities that are dear to me) to replace the stuff the W took with her, and to take down the stuff she left.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I posted this on your last thread and was hoping you would think about these questions and post a response:
Originally Posted by R2C
What Goals do you have for this week?
What do you want to have accomplished by Friday?
How many Lawyers do you plan on meeting with? I believe 3 should be the MINIMUM. I still like the idea of meeting with the TOP, BEST lawyers in your area.
Free consults, fact gathering meetings. Have a list of questions drawn up on a piece of paper. Take notes during meeting.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I know I should meet with lawyers, I havent brought myself to even start that process. My personal goals for the week are to have stuck to my workout regimen, cook healthy meals every night, get the living room redo completed (which makes me feel very good in my own home), and get organized with my plans for the month, get my calendar filled out, etc.
Another goal is to finish DB book and purchase DR. I would like to start journaling again, which is something I have done my whole life and seems to help through tough times. After my dad passed away from cancer it really helped me get through, and when this whole thing started, journaling REALLY helped me through the remainder of my pregnancy because I was hanging on by a thread there.
On top of my full time job, I have an etsy shop where I make wood signs, etc. And I absolutely love doing it, so I think it would be good for me to throw myself into that a bit. I have 3 orders right now I need to get done, so I should make it a goal to get them all completed. I think 1 night this week while H is here with D I will go get a pedicure. I also have had massage gift cards for a while now that I should put to use.
I know the more things I change in the house, the less he is going to feel like it is home. And thats not what I want, but I want to feel really good every single day when I walk into the house. He knows I have always loved to switch things up in our homes, and with being pregnant and having the baby within a year after buying the home, we never really got the chance to create a home. But I guess at this juncture I cant do things based off of what im afraid his reaction will be. I have to do things for me and for the baby. And I want to feel good.
Fall is around the corner and it is my favorite season. It was the WORST last year, I did not enjoy one ounce of it, even though I was pregnant and it should have been the best time ever. I am so afraid that I will be so sad this year I wont enjoy any of it again, and with a baby we should be having so much fun, going to pumpkin patches, enjoying the season. I am determined to still do those things with her. Of course I would LOVE for him to be a part of it all, but clearly that isnt looking like the case. I just hope I can keep a happy mindset and not miss out on fun things with my daughter.
I have allowed myself to miss out on so much already due to being so sad. I dont want to anymore. And I know if the divorce starts to happen it is going to REALLY do a number on me.
Its like I try to prepare myself for all the bad to come so it isnt so much of a blow. The BD was almost a year ago and it was truly the most earth shattering time in my life. I dont want that to happen again. I am a mom now, I have to be able to pick myself up. I want him to WANT to be with me and want to be my partner still, but I guess right now he just wants to live his own life and still be a dad, and I have to accept that.
Its been about 5 days since he has been out of the house. But he has still been here 4 out of those 5 days, which is why I would like to make a schedule. The only day/night he didnt come was Saturday. I guess partying was more important that night.
But thats okay, I have to get used to that because that is how it is going to be from now on.
I know the more things I change in the house, the less he is going to feel like it is home.
Who cares? it is no longer his home.
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But I guess at this juncture I cant do things based off of what im afraid his reaction will be. I have to do things for me and for the baby. And I want to feel good.
A much better way to look at it!
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I am so afraid that I will be so sad this year I wont enjoy any of it again, and with a baby we should be having so much fun, going to pumpkin patches, enjoying the season. I am determined to still do those things with her.
Choose happiness over sadness! Doing those things will MAKE you happy. Sitting home being sad will MAKE you sad. Choose happiness!
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Of course I would LOVE for him to be a part of it all, but clearly that isnt looking like the case.
Why at this point? Every interaction with him sets you back. Plan these fun things for you and your D! You are never going to make progress by focusing on him.
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I have allowed myself to miss out on so much already due to being so sad. I dont want to anymore. And I know if the divorce starts to happen it is going to REALLY do a number on me.
See my choose happiness comment above. Believe it or not this is MORE in your control than you think! Is it hard? Yes. But choosing happiness eventually becomes true happiness. If you let it.
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Its like I try to prepare myself for all the bad to come so it isnt so much of a blow. The BD was almost a year ago and it was truly the most earth shattering time in my life. I dont want that to happen again. I am a mom now, I have to be able to pick myself up. I want him to WANT to be with me and want to be my partner still, but I guess right now he just wants to live his own life and still be a dad, and I have to accept that.
Sometimes I feel like you don't really let the words we type sink in. That you pick and choose the ones you want to hear. kech you will never get over him by focusing him on him. You will never get him back if you don't get over him. Here is the kicker. Once you get over him, he may come crawling back. However, you may not want to accept him back at that point. Happens all the time.
Now I know your next reaction: "Not wanting him back scares me!" It shouldn't. Your goal should be to move on with or without him. If you cannot entertain moving on without him you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and sadness.
CHOOSE HAPPINESS.
Last edited by Steve85; 09/04/1807:29 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
