I know how you are feeling David. My wife just wrote to me about moving all of her things out of her house as well, and asked me if I wanted her to be there when I get back (I'm on a two month road trip.)
Personally, I don't think it is a good idea to be there when she comes back. You, and I, are too emotionally attached - seeing her, especially seeing her moving stuff out, is not going to help. If you have to be there, I think being positive and cheerful but not going out of your way to help her is probably the way to go. I understand how difficult that seems, but getting emotional about it isn't going to help your sitch.
Good luck.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I know how you are feeling David. My wife just wrote to me about moving all of her things out of her house as well, and asked me if I wanted her to be there when I get back (I'm on a two month road trip.)
Personally, I don't think it is a good idea to be there when she comes back. You, and I, are too emotionally attached - seeing her, especially seeing her moving stuff out, is not going to help. If you have to be there, I think being positive and cheerful but not going out of your way to help her is probably the way to go. I understand how difficult that seems, but getting emotional about it isn't going to help your sitch.
Good luck.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted by Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Oh what a day... I woke up this morning and instantly cried. I was due to go to my first counselling meeting but I couldn't face leaving the house. I then found out by a bizarre chance that the kids school would be open for parents to view school work. The counselling session clashed so I rearranged it.
I was then feeling much better. I met the kids at the school and W arrived. W said she would have sent a text to tell me that the kids work was available to see but she's having a problem with the messaging on her phone today. I do know that her phone memory is about full and some other parents said they only found out today... but I don't trust her at all and she could have called or sent an email.
I heard a parent I know well speak to W about arranging to go out for a night this weekend. It isn't a wild night out on the town. W has shown all the classic signs of WW but now I'm not quite so sure.
I stayed cool and I concentrated on the kids school work rather than W. I didn't speak to her unless she spoke first and I kept answers to a minimum. I stood back away from her to give space. I turned my back at times. I did some jokes with the kids then W tried to be funny too, she wasn't. I told her she would have to try harder than that.
A teacher said to us about people 'missing one-another and wanting to be together'. W looked at me and gave a nice big smile and knowing look. I couldn't help but respond with the same. We'd not seen each other for about 5 days which is the longest apart for 25 years. I noticed that W was hanging around with me for longer than she needed to be. Her phone rang and she ignored it (ummm...). I then said I had to go as I had things to do. She then said that she did too.
W then said she'd walk in my direction . W said there was another school thing to attend on Friday morning. She also said she was coming to take some things tomorrow evening but she wasn't going to take everything. She said she would come back for the other stuff (that is less valuable and that I use) at a later date.
I then said I was walking to a shop going past where her car was parked. She got annoyed and said we could have gone the other route. I said that it was her idea to walk the same way as me.
One thing I noticed, since W left, her eye pupils have been tiny and she looks very defensive and guilty. She has also been milking the situation for attention from people. She seems to be returning to herself a tiny bit at times. However, It always seems to be the calm before the storm with her. She is nicer to me and then I get hit hard by the next step she makes.
Considering the terrible start to the day. I couldn't have done any better.
Hours away from W arriving to collect her things and it will be the first time she has been back into the house since she left. The house looks better than when she left.
I'm nervous as it feels like she is breaking our home. I've put a photo from our wedding on a table she wants to take. Any advice on what I could say and how to be?
I'm nervous as it feels like she is breaking our home. I've put a photo from our wedding on a table she wants to take. Any advice on what I could say and how to be?
Ugh. Take that photo down. It's pursuing and pressure and will NOT be appreciated.
I then found out by a bizarre chance that the kids school would be open for parents to view school work. I was then feeling much better. I met the kids at the school and W arrived. W said she would have sent a text to tell me that the kids work was available to see but she's having a problem with the messaging on her phone today. I do know that her phone memory is about full and some other parents said they only found out today... but I don't trust her at all and she could have called or sent an email.
How can you get on the mailing list from the school so you dont miss future events like this? I would stop relying on W for this info or expecting her to share it with you.
No, Id let her and her friend do their thing. Maybe plan to have something going on with the kids so they arent bugging her as she is packing things up. Be dressed nicely/showered. Be in a good mood (as hard as I know that sounds). Think of it as a minor business transaction.
I can sense at this stage you are looking for an answer.. no carefully worded answers will help at this stage I am afraid.
You need to be honest with yourself and identify situations were you are doing things to draw a reaction from her.
The photo on the table is a perfect example of this... you present it like you are doing her a favour - but in reality it is (subconscious desperation) to trigger a response from her. At this very early stage this is key - If you are doing ANYTHING to provoke an action or response from her then just stop - because that route is a bottomless pit.
The route you will be taking is one for yourself and there is no quick resolution to this situation at all.
It [censored], and its going to hurt and its horrible - BUT in 6 months time - things will seem different.
Lets just get you through this period first of all.
