exquisitetobe - Just to chime in here if you don't mind - as a note from other things we've chatted about. Since he's a cop, he's used to being "the authority". I remember suggesting to you that you consider a restraining order of some sort and you being (probably rightly) convinced that it would only escalate things and he would walk right through it.
As far as him trying to reconnect - you've not seen any signs of him changing. Just that his new shiny life hasn't worked out. He can add a veneer but most people never change. They just become more like what they really are. But they are still shiny enough to people who don't know what is behind the mask.
Just my 2 cents.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
You are absolutely right Andrew. I know he hasn't changed D22's grad: him, OW and D18 showed up for the ceremony. They grabbed a bite to eat at the University buffet then left for the hotel where him and OW started drinking. The next morning, D22 waited for them until 11h00am. She thought they were going to have breakfast together and maybe do something in the morning.. nope They picked her up at 11h00 and drove both girls here.
She did not get to see him while in North Bay.
Now that she was here for the week, he asked repeatadly to see her. She had plans. ( she was upset with him.. her words:he could have spent a whole week-end with me before coming back. He chose not to and so am i)
Your children aren't children. Apart from D15 who is almost adult status.
They don't need picking up and dropping off. It's a control excuse. Be careful of it, these are adults with their own freewill. For your own sake let go of knowing anything about their R with their father.
What your ex is doing with the nice is preparing the ground for further trauma bond abuse. So in actual fact it's the nasty.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I agree w/Vanilla 100%. He doesn't need to pick them up. If they drive, then they can drive themselves to meet up w/him. There is really no need for him to come to your home. You can always meet him halfway or somewhere safe to drop your D15 off to visit w/this man. The less he is in your "safe" environment, the better.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Today is another Grad. This time, for D18. This one is here in my town and i feel safe. All of those students have been in my class back when i was working at the Elementory school. The parents know us and our story. I am going with only a bit of nervousness. Will ex-h be there? I don' t know. I did not asked and here, i don' t care. If he is, i will make sure to never be alone and i' ll keep him away.
As for the subject of rides to visit him: unfortunately, D18 was in a car accident and her car was also totalled. Both of my children (S20 and D18) are now walking. They both chose not to purchase another just yet. They want to keep their money from the insurance and put it towards their education.
They miss their cars but they do not miss the monthly financial headache that came with it.
And from what you've written in the past exquisitetobe - I believe you've implied that he would just ignore any rules or guidelines that you would try to impose on him whenever and however he would feel like it.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I remember telling a friend of mine years ago.. " if he comes after me, whatever happens, happens but i WILL LIVE my life. "
Lately, i haven' t. I lived in fear. I give him wayyyy too much head space.
I want to concentrate on D18' s move to College. I want to work towards my goal of relocating and i want a happy, peaceful life. I am making progress..
I remember telling a friend of mine years ago.. " if he comes after me, whatever happens, happens but i WILL LIVE my life. "
Lately, i haven' t. I lived in fear. I give him wayyyy too much head space.
I want to concentrate on D18' s move to College. I want to work towards my goal of relocating and i want a happy, peaceful life. I am making progress..
You will get tons of help, support and encouragement along the way.
Waves banner of support wildly.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
