I urge you to go and hold your head up high. You are her mother. And from the exchange you posted, what amazing mature children who worry about and love their mom.
I vote for going too. You're giving them too much power. Your daughter just wants her parents at her graduation - and she has a good point, there WILL be other events in the future.
If you so desire, just text your ex and tell him to stay away from you at the graduation. But go - for your daughter's sake.
(BTW - just went to my son's graduation. Made an excuse so that my mom and I weren't available to join them for dinner after. Didn't sit with ex but did have to see him and his wife briefly before and after. His wife was not an affair partner so a little easier for me to take. I'm over the divorce, just mad at my ex for how he's treated our adult children. You can do this.)
Reading the messages between you and your kids highlight again how great they are and how much they love and admire you.
I think that those of us who were not the victims of an overtly abusive relationship like you were can imagine what you are feeling right now. 1 know that I certainly can't.
What I can say though is that your kids will continue to love you no matter what choice you make.
Your daughter wants you to be there for a special day. One that will happen only once. If I remember correctly there are other more special days coming. A wedding I believe? That you know you must face. Perhaps if you can make yourself strong enough to climb this trail, the next one will be easier. You won't be facing either of them alone. Perhaps you can ask your children to hold YOUR hand as you face this.
(((e))))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I could not do it. I flew It escaladed and i became irrational. Me: HOW HARD IS IT TO TELL HIM : i want you and mom there. Could you please leave kim behind..
Nope.. it' s not right but hey??
Everyone is hurt and fighting. It is a VERY SPECIAL DAY.. For me as much as for you.
I am sick of sacrificing just to be disregarded.
D22How hard is it to just show up and be there with your daughter ? Kinda goes both ways here... if anything I'm feeling pretty disregarded at this point 😢
Me:Well this is the only way i can think of to make it all stop for everyone. Make it right.. 1 family, 1 right, a mom and dad,1 last cry. Peace on everyone. He has everything to spoil you rotten. You said yourself that he has finally become a father. All of you will be ok. I love you all! End of drama. All of you will receive your money next week. As if tonight, your father is in charge.
I bagged my clothes, shoes, personnal items and took off crying.
D22 begged me to pick up my phone. She said she had been crying none stop for the past hour.( and so was i)
I drove in a back road and answered. She begged me not to do this. Said none of them could live without me. That i am what keeps them together as a unit.
I told her that i want all of this to stop. D15 does not talk to me because i desaprove of her boyfriend. You guys are fighting, i cant deal with anything in relation to your dad. I don' t want to do this but it seem to be the only way.
She said no.it is nit the i only way.you need help. You need to go back on your meds and get help. Don' t do anything stupid. We need you, we love you.
More crying..
Me: ok, i won' t run.i' ll go back home. I love guys more than anything.
D22 i love you to mom..
I got home.. took an anxiety pill and went to bed.
This morning, i got a text from D15 : mom, i am at school.i told dad not to turn around. I did not want to miss reviews for exams.
No one told me she was left behind. She did not sleep here last night.
I should be on top of this. I should have inquired where she was. I really thought she was with ex-h.
Food for thought directed to me.. When i look at my boss's wife, many see her as a weak women always over dramatic using loads of meds. She suffers with "fybromaligia" ( my spelling is probably wrong), her father is becoming irrational and started abusing her mother.she took her mom in and her father turned on her.she is dealing with 40plus employees pissed off because of the minimum wage that went up but for the others who have been there for years got zip. Tension all around her. I see her as a hero. I don' t know how she does it. I am not surprised to see her on meds. She is not weak, she needs them to cope with it all.
I should not feel weak. I am not a super woman. I just have alot to deal with.
Just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through a rough time. I understsnd how you feel. The fact that xh is still pushing your buttons and can't do the recent thing by leaving his partner out makes my blood boil!
Maybe in the future this might be something you can accept but at the moment it still seems so raw for you so to pretend you are happy with it will be very hard.
I hope something can be sorted out so you do not miss your D’s special day otherwise it will be you and D who will hurt the most.
(((Hugs)))
Last edited by job; 06/09/1812:08 AM.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
