This is possible good news but I am still very skeptical. Can’t you get in anywhere sooner? Did she agree to full transparency? These things typically don’t turn around this quickly.
we have appointments booked until beginning of June.
Are you saying that you have appointments starting now and ending in June or that the appointment doesnt start until june? If you are waiting to start until June, that feels way too far away. A lot can happen in a few months.
Me: 28 W: 28 No Kids Together: 10 years Married: 3 years ILYBIDLY: 11/2/17 She moved out: 11/15/17
I think she will try to lay down her own terms. And should she say she'll give the M another chance.......she will want to compromise what you've previously told her. She will want to maintain her privacy, especially her phone.
Did you read this ^^^^^^^^ in my previous post?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
No, they already started 3 weeks ago and we have sessions booked 1/week until June - the idea was that we give this last shot to solve our resentment etc issues. What we did NOT agree though is to meet anyone else during the time, but with W that happened. At least now she says she is willing to cut contact to OM and give this last chance to our relationship...
Don´t know if I should laugh or cry... W was at her IC and said that she understood there that she should not do something if she is not 100% ready for that. And she cannot promise 100% transparency with phone (everything else was ok), since it would feel I´m controlling her and it would not help build trust naturally. How did you know Sandi?! Well, I answered that I am not going to attend MC as long as she will not agree to my transparency plan, and then we should just continue to process towards D. I actually feel annoyed that she needs to push all boundaries, but naturally also fear that giving up MC opportunity might take away the last chance for reconciliation and united family.
Credits to my W for honesty this time for not willing to allow full transparency over phone. It would be easy for her to say that yes, I grant you the transparency over phone, since we only see couple times in a week (separated). So once she know´s I´m coming, she could just erase all messages w OM, if they exist...
Transparency has nothing to do with you controlling her actions. She can choose to do whatever she wants. Transparency is her allowing you to "see". If she has nothing to hide, then why the need for secrecrecy?
People have their own opinions about trust. Ultimately, it is up to you, whether or not you feel you can trust her. I have seen LBH's say they choose to trust their WW......although she's made absolutely no move toward doing what is necessary to help the MR heal. Personally, I see it as very arrogant on the WW's part, to expect her betrayed H to trust her when she has put no effort into demonstrating her faithfulness. Not only does your WW think you should just trust her, she won't even commit to working on the MR. If she goes into MC with that type of attitude, what are the chances?
As I've previously explained, if she wants to carry on an A, she can easily find a way. That is not the point behind transparency, IMHO. Transparency is about her willingly opening herself for you to see that she has no hidden agenda. That's all it is. It helps to stomp out the secrecy and suspicions. If she cannot allow you to see that much.......then do you really want a MR with her? That is an answer you have to decide. I'm certainly not going to fall out with you, if that's what you decide. But I will tell you this much......I don't recall a successful restoration in the relationship, where there was no transparency......not when there had been an A. Maybe one will come to mind, but ATM, I can't think of one.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
