Pew thank you for coming back to the board. Reacquainting myself with your sitch has been a revelation with what I need to do. Had my second session today with a new IC. She is all about "having the review conversation". We agreed that an appropriate time would be over the Christmas break (there has been little point of late as she is normally too tired to discuss anything).
Every situation is different and nuanced. However I would hope to start mine off by saying "it has been an interesting year". At some point the pain caused to me has to come in. But as Sandi2 indicates, there is little point in designing a conversation that could go in any direction. But in my case I would want to address my own sitch dynamics: (a) how she feels about "us" (regardless of what is still going on, I have no real way of knowing as I don't check anymore, but there have certainly been pointers, e.g. remaining in contact with OM after many MC ssessions - I did a one off check to confirm this - evidence of new lingerie etc.) (b) everything appears "normal", close intimacy (in all senses, this is down presumably to cake eating as opposed to temp checking to maintain the plan B status, even though I am plan B), booking next year's holidays etc. (c) yet at the same time I will have to act once and for all if things suddenly take a turn (of whatever complexion) (d) the lack of respect for me (clearly) but being oblivious to the disrespect to her family unit (I don't count her livein mother in this equation, just DD)
it is unlikely that all these points would be reflected in the conversation but they have to frame it
all the best
Me 55, W 50 D 8 M 20 T 27 MIL w/ us BD 01/02/17 workplace A (12/09/16, EA -> PA) OM senior manager, long term W, child 14 now: limbo (my choice)
"Don't care what you may do, we got that attitude!" - Bad Brains
I just read your entire thread and wow, have experienced so many of the same things.
In the last week, I have gotten the vague apology and trying to act normal and approaches for physical intimacy (I rejected her).
This is a tricky place to be, good to know I’m not alone.
Sandi2 and arista,
Thanks for the invaluable comments. I won’t hijack but your comments to pew have been great for me too.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
CW I have to read up on your stitch. These women are so confusing in their actions but I can see why sandi2 and artista are correct. All the changes that I have seen but I don’t see a woman who is truly remorseful. I can see without this s properly getting addressed it possibly happening again in the future or worse continuing indefinitely in the shadows.
Gordie please don’t tell me there is someone out there exactly like my W lol. That was good that you were wise enough to turn down her bs advances. Sure wish I would have been. Now I can totally see this as her way of sweeping everything under the rug and not having to face her actions.
So what happened after you turned her down? Did she show the typical anger and why do you think she is acting this way towards you at this point in your stitch?
Why is she acting the way she is? She says she wants me and OM2.
How are you doing?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
So my W went to do a little Christmas shopping yesterday afternoon but I felt something was off with the whole thing. So I kept to myself and was just processIng all these feelings that came over me.
I got up this morning at 5:30 and made coffee and sat on the couch knowing in my mind full well that she met up with OM yesterday. My W gets up and sits on the couch and asks me what is wrong. So I proceed to tell her I was angry and upset about what happened yesterday. She then asks why because she met up with her girlfriend and I looked at her and calmly said don’t treat me like an idiot. I know what you did yesterday.
Then I got up and went back to bed. A few minutes later she came into the bedroom and said he is just a friend and i don’t want to lose you. I replied that seeing him is not going to keep me here. She then asked me do I want her to stop talking to him. So I said you are old enough to figure out what you need and want to do.
She then asked to snuggle with her and I said I can’t. I have a lot on my mind and I am trying to process it all. She then started crying. So I just layed there with my back to her and let her cry. I wasn’t going to cave anymore. When I didn’t respond to her tears she tried bringing up things up from the past apparently as reasoning for her affair.. I told her I own up to my shortcomings of what got us here but taking things into an affair was all her choice.
She tried to hold me but I got up and went out to my sons room because I heard him waking up. I was hopeful no to make it through the holidays before this talk but it just happened and like sandi2 and artista said, I can’t back away from having it. So we will see how the holidays go from here.
Meet Christmas to all. I hope we all find peace in the new year.
TBH I am not sure. All I know is I need some space to get my head straight. Just trying to make it through the holidays as best as possible for my children.
