gw5263, yes--i did the same thing... either i would not change my clothes in front of my H, or i would quickly cover up if/when he walked in on me... it's all a part of being separated, i think...
Another question- this morning I woke up with a nagging thought. W has some items that OM bought her- perfume and a tin of cosmetics. She also has the sex toys he had her buy. Here’s the nagging thought- I felt a strong urge this morning to gather that stuff up and get rid of it. I know it would be an issue with her but I really can’t stand the thought of stuff he got her being in my home. I also thought I would move back into the MBR. She’s the one who cheated not me. Why should I sleep in a room with my S13. In case anyone is wondering why , early on in the ditch I moved out for a month to keep the kids in a comfortable environment. It’s explained earlier in my posts. She rented a small apartment that I could not see my kids, especially S13 who is autistic living in so I told her I’d mow into it so the kids could stay in thier home .
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
Another question- this morning I woke up with a nagging thought. W has some items that OM bought her- perfume and a tin of cosmetics. She also has the sex toys he had her buy. Here’s the nagging thought- I felt a strong urge this morning to gather that stuff up and get rid of it. I know it would be an issue with her but I really can’t stand the thought of stuff he got her being in my home. I also thought I would move back into the MBR. She’s the one who cheated not me. Why should I sleep in a room with my S13
You should have claimed the MBR when you first went back home. Sure, go ahead. Just realize it's probably going to cause a sh't storm. If you can handle it, go for it. But why now, just a few days from Christmas? I would wait till after Christmas and then make the changes immediately afterwards.
I read in a earlier post about you wanting to pack up the sex toy and send to OM. Please, never do that! Seriously, what type of reaction would you expect from him? He would laugh at you for knowing another man is sending your W sex toys and you not doing anything about it......but return to sender. Not a good idea. But as for throwing them out.....I would say yes. You should have a boundary in place that nothing stays in your home if it comes from OM......(or any keepsakes from the A).
I'm glad to hear how GAL is helping you. I wish we could convince other LBS how it would benefit them.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
artista, if you get a chance can you give my thread a read and se what you think? i'd really appreciate it!
good morning... i have been following your journey, and you are one of the reasons i wanted to come and finally participate... in a nutshell, i think you are too nice to your WW... i think what she is doing to you and your children IN YOUR HOME is AWFUL...
i thought your idea to cut off her WiFi was a good one, and i was dismayed when others seemed to steer you away from that... because really, what other consequence can you apply? so what if she can always get WiFi elsewhere... the boundary was that she not disrespect you in your home... if she wants to facetime and have cyber sex down the street somewhere, that's on her... that has nothing to do with you... but in your home? forget that noise... and with your children there? having to slip notes under the door????!!!! OMG... that is insane... disgusting...
i do not think you should have bailed her out after she could not afford living on her own... she wants to be free from you, then she should go--be free... why should you support her until she can figure out a way to be with OM? how are you living with that? i will say it again, you are much too nice... i get you cannot kick her out of the house, but you can kick her out of your life... and if it happens that she makes changes because she wants to reconcile, you can invite her back in... but that cannot happen until you first kick her cheating a$$ out of your too-awesome life...
i am baffled that so many LBHs make room to allow their WWs to comfortably continue cheating... you don't have to make it easy for her... ugh... the image of her walking the neighborhood as she talks on the phone with OM, and WAVES at you while you are on the roof--that is, again, insanely disrespectful, disgusting... to me, that says, as far as she is concerned, she has your understanding... your approval...
mis dos centavos...
artista
p.s.--i know i am being blunt... but there are already plenty of contributors here who deliver their messages with the nice, soft cotton balls... a little barbed-wire, anyone?
--i know i am being blunt... but there are already plenty of contributors here who deliver their messages with the nice, soft cotton balls... a little barbed-wire, anyone? wink
I think you have come on board just in time, Artista. These nice guy LBH's have about wore me down!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for dropping in, I really appreciate the barbed wire. And you are spot on, I have been too nice. The reason I cam back home to to save the house she wasn’t paying on, and to make sure my kids had food and light. She paid next to nothing all summer. I have spiraled a lot during the cluster f that has been the last few months. Only in the last few weeks have I come to a place where I have started to detach and care less each week about who she’s talking to or about OM. I was a one point going to ruin him by turning him in to the military, but didn’t. Then other failed plans . I took advice , great advice and ignored it. Now I listen. Some changes have taken place, she has stopped facetiming him, hasn’t since day before thanksgiving. No calls that I’m aware of. She doesn’t take the walks anymore. Been super nice and chatty about my day her day, very concerned with who I’m talking to because I’m on the phone texting a lot. It’s only conworkers and subordinates, but she has no idea. I go out and she’s wondering where I’m going, and withwho. When I go to bed I message my brother for a little and I notice she pops on and right back off. The other night while Christmas shopping it was all next year we this we that. She’s acting like she was last December when there was no A. I don’t react much to this anymore. Just keep it civil and go on. My friends think they may have broken up when she told OM that she would have to move in with him after the D with the kids. ( her plan) and it spooked him. I do know several trinkets and a perfume he bought her that she had out arengone now. I don’t know or do I worry about it anymore. I have been doing things I haven’t done in a long time and really enjoy it. After the holidays I am retaking the MBR and getting rid of her sex toy. I have a problem with them being in my house and used when there is a perfectly good me here, and frankly I don’t want her getting off in our bed possibly thinking of him while ahes using it. I’m slowly working my way out of the fog. Just gonna take some patience and perseverance. Any thoughts ideas or whacks to the cabeza are very welcome!
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
