180/LRT part 2

[Gordie]

Dusty,

We’re almost in the exact same place including sons that don’t want to be with their mothers. If you are paying alimony, you may want to move it up the close to December given potential tax law changes on alimony.

[dusty70]

Gordie, They don't want to be with her and that's without knowing the full truth to her wayward ways! I'm not paying any child support or alimony, everything so far has been a 50/50 split, of course with how much two teenage athletic boys wanting to live with me all the time I will be losing money for how much food they eat! lol

[dusty70]

Reading Bluwave's latest post had me thinking a bit regarding what I have going on outside of my kids and my WW and my impending divorce. In my attempt over the past months to understand the mind of my WW and her decision to stray(multiple times with complete strangers she met online) I am experiencing this first hand how one could make the decision to cheat on their spouse. If any of you have read through my sitch I have met a woman from my s13 sports team that was going through and is now divorced, she has been a good person to talk to and share things with her that I would never discuss with my W. There has been moments that we both wanted to take our discussion to another level but ended up agreeing that would most likely be a bad decision. So she continues to now be a very good and loyal friend that will be there for me when needed.
I was also contacted through a social media site(the same one my WW uses to find her "guys") by an attractive woman 20 years younger than me! Our chats have carried on for a few weeks now, she has opened up about how bad her marriage is and is thinking of filing for divorce and leaving her husband. She has sent me explicit messages and pictures and wants to meet up with me, so far as to asking me to get a hotel room.
This is the exact same behavior my W has and is engaging in, I now see how addictive this must have been for my W, all the attention I give this woman makes her feel important and wanted as her husband no longer does this for her(so she says) As much as I would like for this meetup to happen I can't do it! All I can think about is that she is married with two small children and I could be the person she uses as an exit affair. I would be no different than any of the guys that my WW has been in contact with. That' just not the type of person I want to be! I still feel as if I am married, I need to get through this divorce with a clean conscious that I never strayed. I'm sure I will kick my self for not meeting her but.....

[Gordie]

dusty,

You are doing the right thing. Stay strong for you and your kids. Follow your conscience. Lots of time to date on the other side. No need to rush. Be the sane parent for your kids. Fidelity in the face of infidelity is honorable.

[Gordie]

dusty,

Why are you on that website / app at all? Why tempt yourself and even interact with that other WW?

[dusty70]

You are doing the right thing. Stay strong for you and your kids. Follow your conscience. Lots of time to date on the other side. No need to rush. Be the sane parent for your kids. Fidelity in the face of infidelity is honorable.

Gordie, thanks for the reassurance that I made the correct choice. That is how I feel 100%, guys that I work with actually think I should go for it but they're not in my shoes, people on this site are and understand, so thank you for that.

Why are you on that website / app at all? Why tempt yourself and even interact with that other WW?

It's not a dating app, it is a professional networking site "Lixxxxin" I have used it for years for my job, i'm not on that site trolling for women.

[lost249]

Dusty70 I read your story and it is almost identical to mine. Me44, W41, S21, D19. T25 years, M22 years, Dfiled11/2.
My wife was in loved with several and now has 1OM. Tells me how bad marriage was that took me completely off guard. Says no chance of R. It has been hard but I am doing the 180/LRT. I have seen little improvement but no big change. She still goes from friendly to cold at the drop of a hat. Sorry for your situation, just nice knowing I'm not crazy and others understand. MLC suck to deal with but it's not about me and I can't change it.

[dusty70]

Lost,
just read your sitch. Sorry your're hear. If you have seen some small improvements then continue with what you are doing, you won't see this ah ha moment and the next day everything is all good. It is a marathon, take it from me and whoever else responds to you. Work on yourself, you are the only one you can control and change, I tried to get my W to change her mind at BD , it doesn't work! Take the advice from the good people on this board, they are all trying to help YOU! Good luck!

[dusty70]

Didn't realize it's been about a month since the last time I posted anything regarding my sitch. So here goes, nothing really new to report about the D, have a date coming up that should basically be the day we finalize everything, kids, assets, property, my dog. lol.... Got through Thanksgiving ok, didn't really mind being by myself for the first part of the day while my kids were at W's family. I met my W to get the kids, she wouldn't even look at me as she was crying, I was just happy to see my kids and made sure she saw how good of a mood I was in! I had a great time with my kids and my family. Was out of town the rest of the weekend with my s17 for sports so I didn't even see her.

My new direction in life is starting to become so clear to me as to what I want it to look like it makes it so much easier to get through my rough days! I'm continuing my GAL activities and looking for more things to do, working on my house will take up a bunch of my time once she is out next week. Which now leads me to the last couple of days!

I'll start off by saying my W has acted very different as of late, trying to be more communicative, asking my kids what I'm up to and sending me random texts about nothing, I usually don't respond unless it's about the kids so much as to mention to a mutual friend that it frustrates her that I never respond! The other day we had a real good talk about splitting the parenting time, money, Christmas and so on. She told me that she is having trouble securing the financing for her condo and how she won't have enough money to go on a spring break trip. I validated(as best as I could). We talked about her paying off some debt we accumulated with money she is getting from my retirement funds and she agreed to pay that off after the D is final next month. Had a good talk, looked at her when she spoke and listened, I could see the stress in her eyes!

Then I get a text today wishing my a "good morning" and this is what I did today blah blah blah. She asked me that she was thinking that maybe we should consider a "legal separation"???? A legal separation, not a divorce. What does that even mean? So I had to look it up, and from what I read it sounds like a safety net for her. I didn't respond because I have no idea what to even say, I know where I'm at emotionally with all this and currently there is no scenario that has me trying to save this marriage. Can any one of you help me out because I am more confused than ever.

[Holding]

Dusty, good to hear from you!

It's great you've come so far and you're starting to see your new life after D. So, you're ready to move on and she suddenly brings up "legal separation". Jeez!

It could be a safety net, it could be her having second thoughts. It's best not to beat yourself up trying to figure it out.

Does the legal separation annoy you, or does it make you hopeful? If it annoys you, then maybe you really are ready to move on with the D. But if it makes you hopeful, then maybe consider the S. This will be a hard one for you to weigh out.