Also, finding a person faith is truly a blessing. I feel as though at times, I have told God "I can't do this" you take it. However, I also know that he wants us to stand up for ourselves, so when I turn my worries over to him, I feel relief, but she comes back with "it's obvious you just don't care." Do i keep letting God have it, and put a smile on and love her, or do I fight for me?
Your W is using emotional blackmail when she says those things. Instead of her getting serious about the work she needs to do, she transfers her guilt to make it sound as if all the work is your responsibility. I suspect this is not a new behavior for her. In the past, didn't she use similar statements to make you feel guilty? Thing is, nothing you do will be good enough in her opinion, as long as she stays in this rut.
I don't understand why the MC is reluctant about setting a transparency plan. What does he mean that she's too fragile? Who is so fragile that they can't be honest and willing to show their spouse they have nothing to hide?
Her using the excuse that she's "there".........as if that should be all that's required of her, is not acceptable. If the MC doesn't get that message across, then it may be left up to you. Each of you have work in saving this MR. Nobody gets a free pass.......and IMHO, that's exactly what she is trying to do. Her attitude is practically saying that you deserve no more from her than just her physical presence. I can relate to it, b/c her resentment tells her that she was justified to have OM, and that you are lucky she didn't leave you. Her mindset is twisted.
I don't think we have to smile at the person who is not respecting us, nor the spouse who betrayed us and refuses to cooperate and do their part of the heavy lifting to heal the MR. Acting as if there are no issues or required work from a WW, is exactly her preference.......but it dooms the MR. The WW has been known to skirt around her own part of the breakdown, and continue blaming her H. That is exactly what she's doing.........and the MC sounds too weak in his approach, IMO. Transparency has a purpose for both the faithful and unfaithful spouse. Otherwise, it's like expecting an acoholic or drug addict to go cold turkey and stay clean without any accountability and support. It's just too easy to turn to the additiction when accountability is not required.
On the spiritual side, I believe we can leave our worries & fear with God. I have experienced it when, usually, it was a situation where I had zero control. It is how we build our faith muscles, b/c it absolutely takes trust in Him to handle the outcome. Yes, I believe He gives us the sense to take care of ourselves to the best of our ability, and take care of our family, etc. Anyway............getting back to your question about giving it to God or fight for yourself. Why do you see that as two separate avenues? How do you see "fighting" for yourself?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
How do you see "fighting" for yourself?