Thread #2 - Separating

[KevinIn]

I strongly agree with this! I wouldn't look any further into it than this at this time. You are doing quite well man. Keep up the good work.

Thanks Laowai! I'm trying. Its hard, but i'm trying.

[LITB]

What sandi2 posted to you, is pure gold. You are on the right path from what I gather. It does take time, patience and effort.

[KevinIn]

Just let my kids speak to their mom on the phone. She was overly happy and i'm almost certain she was with OM. Listening to her made me super mad (yes, i still have a lot of work to detach).

Instead of texting her what I want to say, i'm posting it here as an outlet.

Dear wife - F you! Your kids deserve better than you.

Doesn't feel as good as actually texting it to her, but i'm happy i wrote it somewhere.

[Dawgs]

Brotherman, I've wanted to tell my ex the same thing.

I may have been stupid, but according to my lawyer, I could have won full custody. Instead, I went for a more joint because the kids love their mom an: I couldn't that to them. Maybe I made a mistake. Who knows.

[KevinIn]

I could have won full custody. Instead, I went for a more joint because the kids love their mom an: I couldn't that to them. Maybe I made a mistake. Who knows.

Kids need both parents to have an influence in their lives. So, as much as she may have treated you poorly, you probably did the right thing for the sake of the kids. Don't have regrets about it.

But also, F these WAWs.

[KevinIn]

Just got an email from the wife about our "next steps" - the first relationship-related communication in 1 week.

The email amuses me because its obvious that her dad helped her write it. I've known him for nearly 11 years and I know his writing style.

Why's this amusing? One of the reasons she is a WAW is that she felt I was too controlling and that she didn't have a voice in our marriage (whether this is true or not is a different topic). Now, she's 'free from me' and doesn't even give her own voice - its her dads. If she wants to prove to herself that she can be a strong, single mom, then she shouldn't rely on her parents so much. I can't blame them for helping though, since they are doing whatever they can to make their child happy.

[Dawgs]

Hey KevinIn,

Man, I think our ex's are paddling in the same boat. Hearing so much that is similar between the two. It's obvious the ex-SIL is pulling her strings as one of the things that she said during Friday's court was word-for-word what the SIL had said at one time. Ugh.

Hang in there, my friend, you are owning your road.

[KevinIn]

For several days in a row, i've noticed my mind seems to be getting kinda back to normal. The heavy fog seems to going away. I'm not constantly thinking about my wife/marriage/relationship/family. I'm not sad. I've even been able to focus a little more at work.

I'm not sure the reason for it, and i'm not sure I necessarily need to know.

It could be because i've been at home, in my own bed, and with my kids for several days in a row. But, it could be that i'm turning a corner on this whole thing. Or something else completely.

I hope it means i'm detaching more and moving on with my life.

[Dawgs]

KevinIn,


Own your road, my friend. It's becoming more clear now. It'll get better but there will be times when you think WTF is going on...

Routines have a big thing to do with it, even when we don't realize it. You are becoming more comfortable in things, which is seemingly becoming more detached, too.

You are getting there, my friend.

[KevinIn]

You are getting there, my friend.

Yep, until she moves out and then i feel it will all be wrecked again. But, maybe i'll be in a different place and won't be fazed by it.