A few months ago I was had a feeling my wife had cheated on me(she denies and I kind of believe her) but from that conversation she told me she is not happy and hasn't been for a long time, I asked if he wanted a divorce and she thought she did.
I did everything wrong, cried, apologized, begged and generally looked pathetic. We booked into Marriage counseling and did one session where she just attacked me and then we left and have not been back since as she told me she was not interested and didn't get anything out of it.
Fast forward and I kept pressuring her to tell me what she wanted and what she was thinking before she finally filed for divorce. I tried to detach and managed about 2 weeks and she seemed to want to talk, became more affectionate and wanted to hug me a lot since I was unavailable but I eventually opened up and we went back to square once I allowed myself to be open to her again.
She has still not served me and it has been a 11 days since she filed and I told her when she told me she doesn't want to be married or go to MC to give them to me on this date(today) Things had seemed normal until I got a text today telling me she was sorry she had forgot to send and will send today. I called her and asked if she wants I can sign today and be done in 60 days or if she is OK I can wait and she told me wait is fine she is in no rush.
What am I supposed to do here, I really don't know what she is thinking or what her plan is??? I feel like I need to just get out and move on but really don't want to if there is a chance that it could work out.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Wow - thanks for all that info!!!! Glad a place like this exists I really.
The stages of LBS is so accurate I have been through all and keep going backwards and forwards, want to have hope so acceptance is such a hard one to stay with.
Regarding the rules for LBS how do you operate without being cold, detaching is such a hard thing for me without switching of completely.
Has anyone had success moving out? I am currently in the spare room and we are civil in the house and hang out and watch TV together but feel like maybe moving out would help provide space.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Also should I ask for the acceptance of service letter or just leave it? I feel like I want to sign the papers and move out and give her a chance to miss me if she does or move on if she doesn't? or could this backfire and kill what would potentially result in reconciliation?
If you truly want to try and save your marriage...
DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!!
If she wants to leave, then let her leave.
OK, it just seemed like the right thing to do but i will Listen to your advice, I don't feel like I am achieving anything in the house this has been ongoing for almost 3 months and nothing seems to chance, how do you take day to day?
I have received the I love you but I am not in love with you speech on a few occasions. Also been told she doesn't feel for me like she thinks she should feel for a husband and wants us to be friends.
I can't see any chance of friendship if this ends in divorce, think it would be too painful to be around
We booked into Marriage counseling and did one session where she just attacked me and then we left and have not been back since as she told me she was not interested and didn't get anything out of it.
Did she tell you why she was so unhappy in your M? Are they things that you believe you can fix?
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
You might want to add a signature to your account with your info. How long you have been together, married, when she dropped the bomb and if you have any kids.
You also might want to make a post about some of your marital history. Were you failing on your part in any way? Did you fall into a rut and stop listening to her or stop being as attentive to her as you should be? Things like that will allow others here to better help you.
M-42 W-40 S-12 D-10 Together-13 years Married-10 years Separated-6/2016 ILYBINILWY-7/2016 EA-4/2016 (best guess) PA-7/2016 (best guess)
