This used to be way easier - and a lot more fun!

[Dawgs]

To echo what Painter and whatisis said, its true that some skim, but if attention isn't paid to what they've written, then the battle gets that much harder. Sure, there is some fluff, but within it is the truth, too.

And, their profiles are about them - not about you. Think of it as a car sales ad, because in a sense it is really an ad, the seller will describe what they are selling, not who is buying.

I have a very good friend who put her ad on match not all that long ago, and when I asked her about why she wrote what she did, she simply said "I put it to describe me and my likes, because that is what its all about. It's up to the other person to like it or not, if they do and contact me, great, but they need to be able to show me they paid attention to what I wrote and not just my pictures." She is very pretty, btw, and told me you'd be surprised at the things she gets - for instance, the story on her holding her niece...she described the picture, but this one guy asked if that was her daughter, which made it obvious he didn't read. She likened that to someone who talks to you but doesn't listen. And yes, her profile is very, very witty. And smart.

[Maybell]

Don -- I got that you weren't OLD!

Yes, it was all I, I, I in her profile and that is how you sound when you talk about the perfect woman. Even if she's already got all that, it freezes her in place if she were in a relationship with you. She could never alter her interests without risking the relationship.

You feel like you're not getting a lot of feedback about why these women are suddenly ghosting you. Tell us more about your interactions with the woman who showed up with her parents before that weekend. Maybe that will help.

In the meantime... do you think your anxiety to be in a relationship is showing to the people you meet with? Or some of your frustration at not making faster progress? Because that *could* be part of the problem too.

[DonH]

Omg this is getting down right comical. Perhaps it's my fault for even including OLD in my comments and figuring people could follow. Clearly it's "hey a squirrel" and off they all go. .

Thank God for you Maybell, and Ginger, sandi, Job and there are others. Not even sure why I did but I hit the link to look at a posters list of comments. I was shocked to see dozens in a single day! They started at like 5 AM and went straight through until past 1 PM with one hour or so break. That's an eight hour day! Who in the heck has time to sit on here and post for eight straight hours? Who can have that many meaningful comments? It's all starting to register now. In some cases the advice is worth what we are paying for it. Lol

But back to your questions Maybell as I really do trust what you have to say. Could they sense desperation in me? Not likely. Could they sense I'm getting fed up with all of this? With my sarcastic humor, that could very well be a factor. Honestly I'd love to ask. I so value honestly and can learn from it. I'd like to ask all of them below.

The advice I often give friends is it's usually more about them and in the case of the women this past weekend I very much think that's it. I mean who drives 3 or 4 hours to an event to meet their patents who live several states away and then goes to her room at 9 and home the next morning when she planned on the weekend? I think she has issues and I saw them right away when we met over TG but I again thought... Give her a chance. As for what happened, you tell me. I was talking in a group with her and a few others. A friend of mine asked her to dance and she did but returned to talking to me. A good sign thought. She asked if I was going to dance with her just as I had to leave to perform in the next band in like minutes. I sad, absolutely, but when I'm done and that was the last I saw of her. I knew she had been sick in the last couple weeks and thought maybe she was tired. Then when I didn't see her Saturday, I texted and asked where she was hiding? "I ended up in my room by 9pm. Never left after that although my parents visited. I disappeared...I drove back to Michy yesterday.". Who does that? So honestly in this case I'm not giving it much more thought. I think she's a bit lost after her D. I don't know the details but when asked what she does, she responded, "I play a lot of tennis". Okay then.

I'll give you a quick run down of some others

1. Met at a birthday party of a mutual friend and his wife. They both know both of us very well. Me for 25 years her for at least 15. We had fun together for several hours. Female mutual friend said how she rarely is that outgoing like she was with me. Went out once, seemed to be going fine until she abruptly says, I got to go - after some texts. Later the mutual friend tells me she's interested. I was SHOCKED. We've texted since with her initiating some as well. No second date.

2. Met again through different mutual friends. I asked her out at the end of the first date after the friends left us, to which she without hesitation accepted. Tried multiple times to set something up and it never happened. Gave up until wishing her happy birthday a few months later. Again a warm response so I offered to take her out for her birthday when she returned from the work trip she was on. "That would be great" was again the response. Again it never happened.

3. This was different... She sat in front of me in church TWO YEARS ago. I sent her a FB note that she first happened to get less than two months ago due to how FB used to handle those. She said she just got this now. We chatted a bit and SHE ASKED ME OUT! Timing around the holidays was challenging so we agreed to after the new year. I contact her and she says she "met someone" and wants to see where it goes but adds we can still meet as friends. I sense this was to take any pressure off and I tell her that's what I was pretty much thinking anyhow since we really don't know each other yet. She says great and compliments me on my attitude. Still have not met. It's been "maybe next week, I'll let you know."

4. Met at a very large event I helped run a few weeks ago. Didn't think I'd be seeing her again until next year so asked her to lunch or dinner. Said she is a Single gal" but has a "dear friend" (notice not a BF) and doesn't date more than one person at a time. I have very strong indications she might be gay but keeps it quiet. Although. She still wants to go to dinner and she has initiated contact all week. Who the hell knows?

I'll stop there but you get the idea. Several there have been single for three, four, five years, don't seem to date at all but politely have turned me down. Now to be fair and honest, there have been others who have been interested in me who I have spent time with but are just not a match. One is 12 years younger with two kids 7 and 10. I've done the kids thing and at 53 don't want to go back. Another lives in Canada and it got to the point if I picked up my phone and turned on anything she could see I was there poof she be messaging. Did it again last night asking "we're you trying to text me?" MAJOR TURNOFF.

I don't know if this helps anything Maybell - other than to perhaps explain my frustration. I do keep trying. Met someone who was at a work gathering at a place I was performing at with a band. No ring. She came back the next night! So I approached her and the couple friends she had with her. She must have sensed I may be interested as she slipped in "I was telling myhusband..." I'm thinking, dude, buy your wife a ring. Lol.

Married
Boyfriend
Not interested
Claim interested but never follows through
Doesn't want to date anyone

Oh, I'll add, I've been told I can be intimidating, I've clearly had a drop in self confidence but then again I've always been very high in that area so per shays I'm just back to average. If anything g, my frustration is clearly elevated. Can anyone blame me

See if you can pull anything out of all of that

And I swear if I get more on line dating advice. Lol

[Dawgs]

There is a pattern here...

The advice I often give friends is it's usually more about them and in the case of the women this past weekend I very much think that's it. I mean who drives 3 or 4 hours to an event to meet their patents who live several states away and then goes to her room at 9 and home the next morning when she planned on the weekend? I think she has issues and I saw them right away when we met over TG but I again thought... Give her a chance. As for what happened, you tell me. I was talking in a group with her and a few others. A friend of mine asked her to dance and she did but returned to talking to me. A good sign thought. She asked if I was going to dance with her just as I had to leave to perform in the next band in like minutes. I sad, absolutely, but when I'm done and that was the last I saw of her. I knew she had been sick in the last couple weeks and thought maybe she was tired. Then when I didn't see her Saturday, I texted and asked where she was hiding? "I ended up in my room by 9pm. Never left after that although my parents visited. I disappeared...I drove back to Michy yesterday.". Who does that? So honestly in this case I'm not giving it much more thought. I think she's a bit lost after her D. I don't know the details but when asked what she does, she responded, "I play a lot of tennis". Okay then

This one seems interested and based on what you said it looked like she tried to engage you multiple times. Maybe she wasn't feeling a return vibe. Maybe she just got tired of waiting or just lost interest. That tennis line is odd, but then again maybe its a brush-off statement.

1. Met at a birthday party of a mutual friend and his wife. They both know both of us very well. Me for 25 years her for at least 15. We had fun together for several hours. Female mutual friend said how she rarely is that outgoing like she was with me. Went out once, seemed to be going fine until she abruptly says, I got to go - after some texts. Later the mutual friend tells me she's interested. I was SHOCKED. We've texted since with her initiating some as well. No second date.

No phone calls? If not, then I'm not surprised there wasn't a second date.

2. Met again through different mutual friends. I asked her out at the end of the first date after the friends left us, to which she without hesitation accepted. Tried multiple times to set something up and it never happened. Gave up until wishing her happy birthday a few months later. Again a warm response so I offered to take her out for her birthday when she returned from the work trip she was on. "That would be great" was again the response. Again it never happened

You'll find that happens more often than not. Was there any more contact after "that would be great?" A lot of time between contacts isn't indicative of interest.

3. This was different... She sat in front of me in church TWO YEARS ago. I sent her a FB note that she first happened to get less than two months ago due to how FB used to handle those. She said she just got this now. We chatted a bit and SHE ASKED ME OUT! Timing around the holidays was challenging so we agreed to after the new year. I contact her and she says she "met someone" and wants to see where it goes but adds we can still meet as friends. I sense this was to take any pressure off and I tell her that's what I was pretty much thinking anyhow since we really don't know each other yet. She says great and compliments me on my attitude. Still have not met. It's been "maybe next week, I'll let you know."

How does FB handle messages? Never had that issue, even with people who aren't friended yet. Interesting. She's not interested, period.

4. Met at a very large event I helped run a few weeks ago. Didn't think I'd be seeing her again until next year so asked her to lunch or dinner. Said she is a Single gal" but has a "dear friend" (notice not a BF) and doesn't date more than one person at a time. I have very strong indications she might be gay but keeps it quiet. Although. She still wants to go to dinner and she has initiated contact all week. Who the hell knows?

There seems some interest from her. Go out - what's the issue? Could give you some much-needed practice.

[doodler]

I'll stop there but you get the idea. Several there have been single for three, four, five years, don't seem to date at all but politely have turned me down.

Don,

Maybe you should give dating a break and do the venetian plaster thing with doodler. I assure you that it's more fun than you can imagine. And, I'm certain that one of these days a hot babe is going to magically appear and we'll get plastered together. I know you won't accept my invitation now, but it's an open invitation...

[Dawgs]

^ What he said. Friendly banter can be a much-needed thing with what we all are going through and provide stress relief. Some process differently that you, sir. However, since you have decided to put yourself on a pedestal and call posters out, then you set a precedence that you may not like. Do what you will - I enjoy both friendly and un-friendly debate.

Oh, and try not to worry about how many people posts per day, hour, or even minute. It's bad for you health.

[whatisis]

I'd like to join in on this but I've got squirrels to chase!

[doodler]

Squirrels? Where?

[Painter]

I give up.

As for every word meaning something, I just can't agree. I see it everyday in my work that people simply don't read. They don't. If anything they skim. In fact, I'll prove it with the comments about what I should do online dating.

IM NOT ONLINE DATING!!!!!! And have not for many months. I wrote that several times. I was only using past examples and then looked at some profiles to see how many talked about the examples listed. I've not done well IRL lately but I've met way more people off line than on in the past six months.

NOT OLD

Don, sometimes people start writing a reply but hit the post button much later. I wrote my perception of the profile you quoted while you were writing your post above, and never saw your post or the next one until after I hit post myself.

I'm a little astounded at the way you call out posters for - in your opinion - not being helpful enough to you or for posting too much on the forums. This is a public forum, take what you need and leave the rest.

[Dawgs]

Squirrels? Where?

Do ferrets chase squirrels?