An MLC-spouse is by definition someone who is going to make some really unwise choices... so I'm telling myself I need to detach sufficiently and brace myself to hear about some pretty distressing/disheartening news....
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I can blame my W for making bad choices in men, I suppose. I guess I would if she exposed the kids to some guy she's just having a fling with. But if she chooses some dipshit for her next multi-year romance ... that's all a part of who she is now. Maybe I can blame her, but I shouldn't expect her to pull herself out of that.
HAHAHAHA - yes, the dipsh@t part is certainly what I am seeing. To me a man with self-confidence and security in himself would not be trying to spend so much time with a woman and her child while she is still married. It's what I would do. But he is weak or heart and mind, so...
Originally Posted By: Gordie
I ...but I guess there's nothing we can do about that (assuming they are not in danger), right? We can only fix our side of the street.
Very, very true.
More replay. More contact from her, as in increased from her. Happens every time I stop making an effort. Weekend texts - unheard of for a long time. Emails without much purpose. Hell, even a phone call today, which I did not take.
Just wanted to keep you all filled in as part of the story, got a mountain of grad work in front of me this week - most likely offline for a bit.
Hey - graduation paperwork arrived this weekend! 2.5 months and I am done. Gonna be so nice to spend unhindered time with my son. And with myself for that matter.
HAHAHAHA - yes, the dipsh@t part is certainly what I am seeing. To me a man with self-confidence and security in himself would not be trying to spend so much time with a woman and her child while she is still married. It's what I would do. But he is weak or heart and mind, so...
Ahhh....Grasshoppa.....
A man with the same set of values, might also not let it affect the relationship between he and his Son.....
He might even reach the level of knowing that if he thinks along the lines of him being a dipshidt, it will affect how he thinks, feels and reacts, therefore teaching his Son to disrespect said man by allowing his "feelings" to cause judgement onto him....
It's what we teach that matters....
But , maybe that's just me....
Rise above petty CT, it doesn't serve the "new" you well...
I logged in for the first time in a long time yesterday, if not but briefly, and read the above. I was not necessarily absent from here on purpose, but feel kind of glad I was indeed absent. Felt like the lack of need if that makes sense. That said, ^^^true to about 98%, and as always thank you for the honesty. There was nothing suiting of me about such statements that I made.
Where I am at now is both because of and simultaneously independent from the W. I think I will post a follow up, as at this point I have said to her everything I had ever wished to, save one tiny thing which is moot at this point, but not sure I have the mental energy a the moment - much has occurred, both w/ W and just in my own goals, GAL's, gains. And the bulk of the lack of energy, most of it in fact, comes from me being physically & mentally tired by me doing me, not her.
I did not realize when I first checked in here tonight and began reading that I needed/wanted to be in here. However, for some reason, today hit me harder than I have felt in a while and thus, today I felt weaker than I have in a while. But just reading a reply, just catching up on some friends' stories has made me feel better.
Actually, that may have come out skewed, reading my friends here did not make make me feel better in the sense that 'misery loves company' just that names and stories I have been a big part of since last summer still exist. In truth perhaps I should wish something else for my friends, but everyone seems stronger as a result, so that is good.
Anyway, back to school work - burning a long light into the darkness to clear some deferred grad school items and took a side road.
Be well everyone.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
To answer what's going on and how I am, I am in a strange place, and I believe its good, but its also foreign. At my core, the core self, I am good. Like, the inner voice, that dude, that dude is not the dude who was there a year ago. Now I have this coach or this mentor deep in there. He takes coffee breaks I think and the old dude shows up for a couple days at most, but then the new one comes back and runs him off like car does a bird from carrion on the road. And those couple days have become hours.And the new dude has a pressure washer and some chlorine.
So inside, good, outside foreign. Last semester of masters school, for what I hope is for life, for now. Busy...writing and reading always. Last summer, I was easily headed for the senior drop out who takes a job in his dad's store and spends his nights at the bar talking about the big game he won for the next 20 years. Now, I just take each day, by day, by day. And that is what is foreign. I have never really lived in the present. I am now and I think its good, mostly. I'm kind of sh*t at thinking about hard future - conceptual future still exists. What would you like to accomplish in the next two years? I got that answer. Do you want to do something next weekend? I'll have to let you know when I get there.
For the now and the busy...Graduating in less than a month. I have decided to walk and be in the ceremony. Based upon my education here - M1, the Freakin Puerto Rican, others, I really had to fish around my motivation to do that. For a long time I was not sure if I wanted to or if I would just be doing it for the hard on of being recognized. But fk that, I'm getting a Master's Degree, I got that while losing my family, house, and self, then I redefined all that sh*t and took those three things back for me. So yeah, I earned this sh*t and I'm walking that stage and I'm taking that degree.
The D was filed on my birthday, but is in the courts hands and should be over soon...apparently SBXW and I threw the court system off...we had the most congenial and amicable requests the lawyers claimed they had ever seen. We apparently arrived at a mediated settlement in 20 minutes and the lawyers could not believe it, so they separated us and spoke to us, and we each gave the same answers. So the lawyers separated from us and spoke together, and realized that SBXW and I were not going to fall for the drawn out pay their asses USA standards. So they came back and the agreement was done in 45 minutes. Now since the judges put it on hold to discuss and make sure we both feel this way, we are waiting. But nothing has changed - the system is rigged, the system wants D money.
Strange, its the closest and most honest her and I have been in months. Guess my rage went somewhere else and I don't care enough to think where that somewhere is.
My boy is as awesome as he can be. I have him just about every weekend. He is sleeping now, we went to a petting zoo easter blow out today for 4 hours - bounce houses, egg hunt, pony rides, etc. Came home and played with his superhero action figures - Aquaman always dies in the fights, I got a feeling he never gets his due respect. Last weekend we watched Flash Gordon, the original I loved at his age. He loved it. By the end, we were both air guitar on the sofa as Queen rocked the Falcon army and Flash into saving every one of us. Fking awesome. He wanted to watch it again tonight, and we fking rocked it just as hard.
And to Mach1's point, the magnet exists, I feel good and really don't know what brought me here tonight - son is asleep, was working on school, took a side road. Must have needed it here....or someone reading needed me here.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
CT - It's been a while. I hope you are doing well. Yes - I'm still here and yes, roses still do have thorns.
I'm just posting here on a whim, just in case you happen by. I recall our conversations with great fondness.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I happened by Andrew P. Allow me to close this series of "Me and Midlife...etc." with some bullet points of my entire, as opposed to a sitch update (perhaps I will begin something new, perhaps not; those who knew the tale from the start will appreciate).
- I found forgiveness for myself, not thru one source but many. Much of it in the words found here.
- Once I forgave me, I forgave her. Once I forgave her, I forgave us.
- I graduated in May 2017 with my Masters degree.
- I am 23 month narcotics free with no desire to return.
- My S is now S6. He and I have an amazing relationship. I'll keep this at I am proud of myself for how great of a father I have become, not by my own metrics, by his.
- Her MLC went through stages. I truly quit giving a sh^t about what stage she was in. In hindsight, this made a real difference to me and my own healing; the quit giving a sh^t part. Cadet once told me they return in reverse order of the way they left. Cadet's words proved true.
- Once I got happy and content with me, GAL slowed down. That fking failed. Ironic, I just rebooted my GAL program after an 8 month layoff about two weeks ago...funny that this reboot quelled a desire to return here.
- I cannot thank the DB forum enough, too many to point out. My hat is off, my waist is bent, I bow so very deeply in the direction of these hard friendships. Honor, courage, and all of the great things we hoped were inside of us, I salute you.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
CT! I was wondering if you would stop by. Yeah - I'm still here. Singing my songs of sadness and joy and trying to pay forward the help that I've received. I'm figuring that the divorce will be pretty much a done deal in the new year and I'll be forging a new life looking forward and not living one looking back.
It sounds like you have been making excellent progress. Staying off the meds for pretty much 2 years is the biggest one perhaps that allows you to be fully you. Your S6 must be a joy to be around. That is such a fabulous age as they are so filled with wonder of the world around them.
You do sound like a man who has found his centre. Now that your graduate studies are behind you I hope are filling your days with Joy.
Safe journeys my fellow wanderer, my Prince. I in turn raise my glass to you.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
