X doesn't look so well. I have to not look at him during kid swop because damn it, I have this insane urge to go up to him, stroke his hair and make him feel better.
Grl, grl. Stop trying to fix him. He has fired you from the job. Not your circus, not your monkey any more.
My job now is to find Dory/ Katniss.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Hi JksD, I was reading a little from the start of your situation and wanted to ask you a question. I have noticed a few traits I had with your X regarding the anger issues. In high time of stress and fatigue last year, I was very inconsistent and see now how I lost trust from my W. I never hurt her physically and know I never would have. I would have knocked other things over in frustration more than anger...
Now I have recognized this in myself and have learnt how it steemed from my parents. I am working hard to retrain and find new coping mechanisms and have been much better, something my W has commented on about my relationship with my kids.
My question would be, if your X had recognized this and working hard on it, would there be things you would look for and would you have received from him as genuine?
Even though W said she felt scared, (something she denied to other friends), when she was still in the house with me, her actions didn't match her words. She also left our kids with me, I took them on holidays, and this was never questioned. I know I will continue to work on me and see what happens.
I see my W and don't feel she looks so good either, she even commented to a friend that she wants to put on weight but can't seem to. Knowing my W, I know this is a high level of stress within her.
Grl, I'm just saying hi, acknowledging your new thread. With each thread, with each amount of passing time, you are getting stronger and more detached, more focused on you and kid, leaving X to his own circus somewhere behind you. Good job.
One thing I will add, I have not been the one that has been physically abusive in my R. My W has on 2 occasions. I never went on rampages (just reading more of your story) but frustration would get the better of me especially when I could not seem to get her to hear my hurt. I would calm down pretty quick and would always apologise and look to make it up to her. I knew last year in particular I was broken, it took me awhile to say to myself I needed help, and it do take the shock of losing my family, but I did and I am doing that.
