Detachment, anxiety and the end of limbo

[Vanilla]

I persjaded Old Dog to go, he claimed two left feet, and he now loves his jive.

V

[Phoebe]

Oh, I did have fun, don't get me wrong. I just didn't want to go salsa dancing but ended up going anyway. This Meetup is actually run by my walking/music friend, and the other woman who and along was one I have met twice before. There were a few more people at the festival, but once we left it was just the three of us. My music/walking friend is hugely into dancing, ballroom specifically, but pretty much loves all types. It helped her after her own H walked out and she thinks it would help me, too.

I will say, however, that I really do enjoy watching other people dance. It's fascinating to watch people that know what they're doing. Watching my friend dance was really cool. She's good!

I hold my boundaries well. Both women told me I have a very strong 'no.' I went along because I enjoyed their company, just not every activity they wanted me to join in.

Anyway, today I declined all invitations. I need a day off from being scheduled.

[Painter]

It sounds like quite the night out! It's fun to have experienced though, isn't it?

What are your plans for tomorrow?

[Phoebe]

It was definitely an amusing experience, Painter. Way out of my comfort zone, but that was OK. Not sure I'd like to repeat it anytime soon, but it was worth dong once.

Vanilla, thank you for the support. You are totally right - I can't unknown what I have learned, and the blinders are off now.

Tomorrow I think that I am going to try to stay home and get some work done on the farm. For starters, I need to expand the brooder box for my chicks. I bought new boxes today at UHaul, so tomorrow it will be a bit of an arts and crafts project (tape and cardboard) to double their current square footage. My little birdies are getting big. Well, the first batch is pretty huge, and the one week olds are tiny in comparison to them, yet much bigger than a week ago. I let them commingle yesterday, and they all seem to be getting on just fine. Chickens grow so quickly that they don't seem real sometimes.

Then I am going to get my brush hog back together, now that I have the new parts, and after that I think that it is high time that I rebuilt the mower deck on my riding mower. I bought the rebuild kit about 10 days ago, right before all he11 broke loose here (when I realized H filed for a D and the process servers were looking for me). They still haven't served me yet. So very strange.

At some point I either need to buy a new engine for my push mower (remember the day that I played Phoebe, The Destructor, and broke everything - snapped the pins on my brush hog burned up the push mower engine, deconstructed the mower deck), or I have to buy a whole new mower. My inclination is always to fix, so I need to get the part number for the engine at some point and get that project underway.

So, I plan on being a (farm) homebody tomorrow. I was out most of today, even though I didn't do any social activities. I spent the morning with my parents, went out, got boxes, got a late lunch, and then took myself to a movie - Zootopia (very cute, by the way, and totally LBS safe).

Monday is soon enough to get back into the social thing again.

My goal for the night is to be in bed by 11 pm, so I have one hour. If I can't sleep much past dawn, then I am just going to have to get to bed earlier, socializing be damned.

I am running a huge sleep deficit, so I am going to take benedryl tonight, even though I have been able to get to sleep on my own for the last 4-5 days, and call it good enough. I have always functioned best on 8 hours of sleep per night, so I surely need more than the 4-5 hours I've been able to get lately. This evening after the movie I yawned the whole drive home, which doesn't seem terribly safe.

Good night to all my fellow BDers. May you have a restful evening.

[JksD]

Good night, Phoebe! Rest well!

[Jzmill]

Phoebe,
Catching up on some threads here. I enjoy being busy outside so when you mentioned doing things on your farm that sound nice, work but nice.

I am there with most of you on the sleep thing, it is the worst. You sound like a very sweet person and also strong so wish you well. Enjoy the arts and crafts project. Sleep well.

[Phoebe]

Thank you, Grl and Jzmill. I'm running late on my getting to sleep goal. I was waiting until I'm tired, and I think it's finally lights out time. (11:45, so still really early for me).

[SH_]

My dear sweet Phoebe.

My oh my what a ride you a have been on.
A busy bee indeed.
Getting affairs in order to ensure a fair outcome with the d proceedings.
And doing it with a sound mind and dare I say a strong hint of confidence?

A night out on the town and several miles outside of your comfort zone?
Well who would have thought, just a couple of short months ago that would be the order of the night?

I am glad you found some fun in it, in spite of some discomfort. It is good for the soul and the mind.

Your posts sound more upbeat and with a positive confidence, and this makes me smile.
You have proven to be a very strong woman that has taken on a challenge that none should ever have to endure.

Remember, when one door closes, another will open.
In your case, you are kicking in doors and taking names and you will find yourself in a place with joy beyond your wildest imagination.
Why, because you will have earned it.

My next challenge to you is to tackle the sleep thing.
Seek out alternatives to the meds, as they tend to throw the biological sleep clock very out of whack over time.
There are many different methods one could try.
A friend of mine had insomnia. He did many things and even saw a sleep specialist.
It came down to wearing ear plugs.
For me, it was the stay up all night reset.
It could be any number of possibilities for you.
My thought, is try some different things. Ween yourself off the sleep meds.
Sleep will return to a natural state for you?
It will help with the physical and mental health.

You deserve restful sleep.
You have earned it.

Sleep well dear phoebe.

[betterm]

Just checked out your F THAT meditation... Hilarious.
-
breathe in strength, breathe out bullsh1t. haha.
and with each breath, feel your body saying F@%# thaaaat.
-
Thank you for this.

[Phoebe]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, betterm. It helps me when I'm having a tough day and just need a laugh.

SparrowHawk, I am always so glad to see your posts. It comforts me to know that you are out there, pulling for me. I will take you up on the sleep challenge because I really want to be able o sleep normally again. I hadn't taken any sleep meds for days and eventually I really built up quite a deficit. I've been going nonstop (skating, hiking, walking, driving all over hill and dale), and I was exhausted.

I've been having a pretty quiet day, and haven't really accomplished much at all today. A neighbor was here for a couple hours (he wanted to know where I've been for the last 2 weeks because he never sees my car any more!), and I still have yet to get any of my projects done, or even started. I feel fine, mentally, just a little bit quiet inside and not so perky.

I'm still physically tired, despite getting a solid 8 hours of sleep last night. I just want to sit still and chill for the day. I think I'll just work on the chicks' brooder box project and call it good enough.