I did one better, Bee. I made my famous (to my family and friends) Mexican style hot fudge sauce over vanilla ice cream. Sooooo happy (and feeling a bit uncomfortable)! I needed that, though maybe not the calories, LOL! I've gone back to taking pride in my cooking again. I always loved experimenting with tastes and different ingredients. After BD, and especially after H moved out, I had no interest in cooking...or eating. My work-mates, friends and kids have been pushing me to make things, though and I am in a much better place now. They are very happy about that! I brought in apple-cinnamon pulled pork to work this week with maple-orange-bourbon BBQ sauce. Apparently didn't have enough, though I thought I had plenty (giggle).
I got an email from my L on Tuesday with a copy of my D papers to go over. H and his L had already signed them. So, that happened. I took a deep breath in and...blew it out. Nothing. No anxiety, weeping, depression...nothing. I was ok. Its not over til I say it is. And I have a lot on my plate for awhile. I'm going to have my bad days where I cycle, but they don't last as long nor are they as consuming.
Tonight I'm going to an "adventurous cooks" meetup with a friend. I don't know anyone...old shy, introverted me would have died (or flaked), but I'm really excited (asian food theme for the win!). I went bowling with some ladies on Saturday (didn't know any of them) and had a great time. I'm getting good at this meeting new people thing!
I am starting that last prereq (abnormal psych) tomorrow and sending in my master's program application on Monday. My paintings are gaining attention, my art student is getting praise in his school for his knowledge and abilities which is also coming back to me, and my dance card is full enough for me to have to pass on a few things. And, my daughters are both telling me that I am amazing. Nothing wrong with hearing that! I think they are pretty cool, too.
My D26 and I went out for a drink on Friday and then my friend and I went hiking near her home on Sunday, stopped at her house, then left my dog with D's husband and the three of us walked into town for sushi (walkable resort town by a lake). They hit it off immediately and I was surprised when D started bringing up H and some negatives from the past. I found myself having to intercede. But now I know D was a bit miffed with her dad. She spewed a bit of venom and I knew my friend (going through her second D and not supportive of DB) would jump on that bandwagon. So, nipped that a bit with fun subject changes and humor. Like waitressing during Super Bowl at a sports bar!
I'm feeling better and better with time. I have a good IC right now, and a lot going on. I'm remembering me; who I was and who I'm becoming. Making changes and seeing what sticks. Finding out that there are other people that actually like me that I like back. This is starting to feel like the best worst thing that has ever happened to me.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
